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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:38

@MeadowHay

I've just read back a bit further and seen that OP was regularly opening this woman's BANK STATEMENTS. Why on earth would you do that?? No wonder she's annoyed at you, you seem totally overinvested and lack respectful boundaries. If someone opened my bank statements I would be fuming! I don't even open my husband's post!

is your Husband running up debts and using your sisters address ?

Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 14:40

The bank statements were coming to my home in conjunction with debt collection letters. I didn't consent to my address being used to house either of these things after she moved on. They shouldn't have been coming here and if they weren't then I wouldn't have opened them.

Regardless of that, the fact remained that she does, or at least did, have enough money in the bank on a monthly basis to pay towards clearing the debts.

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:41

Just do it, OP.

Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 14:42

We share the same last name, I'm sure it's perfectly plausible to say I don't always pay close attention to the letterheads when mail comes in the door. I glance, I see my surname, I open.

Generally I don't have post coming here for anybody else.

OP posts:
Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 14:42

I'm going to yes

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:43

@Famproblems1

The bank statements were coming to my home in conjunction with debt collection letters. I didn't consent to my address being used to house either of these things after she moved on. They shouldn't have been coming here and if they weren't then I wouldn't have opened them.

Regardless of that, the fact remained that she does, or at least did, have enough money in the bank on a monthly basis to pay towards clearing the debts.

OP you don't need validation or approval from anyone on here. 🌸

Diamondnights · 09/04/2021 14:45

@hobbyiscodefordogging

Here's what you do...

You don't open the mail
You cross out the name and address
You write on it "Return to sender - not known at this address"
And then you stick it back in the post box

That way you are stopping it being your problem without being an arsehole to your niece.

Make sure that credit referencing agencies etc don't have the two of you linked through your address - there will be a process to go through for this but I don't know what it is.

Of course that doesn't stop it. If it did, every debtor would do that and nothing would ever be repaid.

OP you need to phone the agencies directly and explain. Someone used our address for a debt and we had similar. If she is a relative though they will probably keep on at you until you give them her address (ours was a total stranger). Her debt, her responsibility. Stop enabling her.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:45

I've just read back a bit further and seen that OP was regularly opening this woman's BANK STATEMENTS. Why on earth would you do that?? No wonder she's annoyed at you, you seem totally overinvested and lack respectful boundaries. If someone opened my bank statements I would be fuming! I don't even open my husband's post!

So then wouldn't you have changed your address? Not used someone else's for 4 years and expect them to put up with it?

emilyfrost · 09/04/2021 14:45

@Famproblems1

We share the same last name, I'm sure it's perfectly plausible to say I don't always pay close attention to the letterheads when mail comes in the door. I glance, I see my surname, I open.

Generally I don't have post coming here for anybody else.

Plausible? Yes.

Bullshit? Also yes.

Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 14:46

Thanks Wisnae and everybody else.

Balls to those of you who think I'm the bad one, if any of you want to contribute towards paying her debts or volunteer your address to have her mail redirected there just pop a message in my inbox and I'll be glad to pass the buck over to you Smile

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:47

I reported it, too, stack. WAY out of order.

jessstan2 · 09/04/2021 14:50

I don't think you are bad but your extreme annoyance is out of all proportion to your relative's 'offence'. It is so easily dealt with as many of us have explained, takes little time and effort too. She no longer lives with you, has not for years and then was only temporarily staying with you; you have no idea of her whereabouts.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:52

@jessstan2

I don't think you are bad but your extreme annoyance is out of all proportion to your relative's 'offence'. It is so easily dealt with as many of us have explained, takes little time and effort too. She no longer lives with you, has not for years and then was only temporarily staying with you; you have no idea of her whereabouts.

easy to deal with... 🙄

FOUR Years she has had this coming to her door 😳

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:54

Of course that doesn't stop it. If it did, every debtor would do that and nothing would ever be repaid.

Have you ever tried it? I have and it stopped.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:55

FOUR Years she has had this coming to her door

She hasn't sent the post back though so no wonder it continued to come.

celiafforcandle · 09/04/2021 14:56

I did work for a debt management company for a time, we were trying to help people manage debts of £5000 or more. Companies were flexible, because they were realistic but some people were brazen liars.
You will never get rid of them by politely explaining.
Tell them OP don't worry and keep it to yourself.

DogsAreShit · 09/04/2021 14:57

There looks like a lot of Debt ridden people on here who desperately want to stop OP telling Collection Agencies where her Cousin lives.

Pay your Debts people.

I'm not in debt but I do know that if these are all at DCA stage then the original creditors have already written off the debts. Paying money now just goes to the agency that's purchased the debt. The debt itself is done.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:57

@celiafforcandle

I did work for a debt management company for a time, we were trying to help people manage debts of £5000 or more. Companies were flexible, because they were realistic but some people were brazen liars. You will never get rid of them by politely explaining. Tell them OP don't worry and keep it to yourself.

good advice..

so give them her address OP and they will help her. 🌸

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:58

@Famproblems1

Thanks Wisnae and everybody else.

Balls to those of you who think I'm the bad one, if any of you want to contribute towards paying her debts or volunteer your address to have her mail redirected there just pop a message in my inbox and I'll be glad to pass the buck over to you Smile

You don't have to repay the debts. Just return the post and tell them she was a lodger who no longer lives there and you don't have a forwarding address.
DogsAreShit · 09/04/2021 14:59

Incidentally, this isn't the case with the money that OP owes to the council after her little stint if council tax fraud. That's not been written off.

MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 15:01

@Belladonna12

Of course that doesn't stop it. If it did, every debtor would do that and nothing would ever be repaid.

Have you ever tried it? I have and it stopped.

Why do people keep posting this BS even though loads of us have explained we returned letters to sender and it stopped us recieving more? Confused

Also absolutely nobody has suggested you repay her debts OP. The 'buck' to repay her debts is not with you and never has been Confused

MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 15:01

@DogsAreShit

Incidentally, this isn't the case with the money that OP owes to the council after her little stint if council tax fraud. That's not been written off.
Yes, OP has conveniently not addressed this point...
poptartsarefood · 09/04/2021 15:04

@DogsAreShit

Incidentally, this isn't the case with the money that OP owes to the council after her little stint if council tax fraud. That's not been written off.
The OP sounds like a pretty straightforward character with a good approach to debt and personal responsibility. If she has an issue with council tax she seems the type to just sort it. All you are proving is she shouldn't have helped out in the first place. Sometimes chaotic lives arent attached to upright people and she could have bypassed all this by letting her niece sort herself out.
DogsAreShit · 09/04/2021 15:10

I don't think frauding your council tax and opening people's bank statements is evidence of being either straightforward or responsible. Quite the opposite in fact.

poptartsarefood · 09/04/2021 15:11

@DogsAreShit

I don't think frauding your council tax and opening people's bank statements is evidence of being either straightforward or responsible. Quite the opposite in fact.
I dont think running up loads of debt and using your old rellies as human shields is okay either. I think the OP would rather sort a council tax payment than keep up with this nonsense. Get it done OP
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