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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 13:52

There looks like a lot of Debt ridden people on here who desperately want to stop OP telling Collection Agencies where her Cousin lives.

Pay your Debts people.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:00

No idea why you're getting it in the neck. I'd have long ago told them where she is. Really wouldn't want bailiffs at my door. No reason why you shut put up this this. She's an adult. I have 'MH issues', a disabled child, have had a pretty shit life, it's not an excuse to expect other adults to do my shitwork in life.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:04

@Bitofanexpert

Honestly don’t get the majority on here at all.

I wouldn’t want anyone’s debt letters dropping on my doorstep at all.

I wouldn’t want DCA turning up at my door. Many of them try any scare tactics to get money and are plain nasty. This happened yesterday.

Her niece needs to sort out her problems. Not hide behind her auntie’s address to solve them. Awful behaviour.

How would you even know that they were debt letters? Do you routinely open up letters which aren't addressed to you? Debt collectors (not court bailiffs) have no power to do anything and OP has only seen some once 18 months ago. They went away when she said she wasn't the debtor. Hardly a big deal.
Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:05

@osbertthesyrianhamster

No idea why you're getting it in the neck. I'd have long ago told them where she is. Really wouldn't want bailiffs at my door. No reason why you shut put up this this. She's an adult. I have 'MH issues', a disabled child, have had a pretty shit life, it's not an excuse to expect other adults to do my shitwork in life.
Bailiffs have not been OP's door. All that is happening is letters are occasionally coming through her door she is not bothering to send them back.
haggistramp · 09/04/2021 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:09

Bailiffs have not been OP's door. All that is happening is letters are occasionally coming through her door she is not bothering to send them back.

She said someone came to the door. And it doesn't matter, she doesn't want the letters there. It's a big deal to her. The niece is a piss taker. The OP doesn't want to put up with it and shouldn't have to.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:09

@WisnaeMe

There looks like a lot of Debt ridden people on here who desperately want to stop OP telling Collection Agencies where her Cousin lives.

Pay your Debts people.

Nobody has said they are in debt. I'm certainly not. I'm just not a nosy person who would open other people's letters and use the contents to get my revenge because I was unhappy with them. If I get letters that are not addressed to me, I return to sender. I'm sure the great majority of the population does this.
Frop · 09/04/2021 14:09

@shouldistop

I don't understand why you would do that. Contact the companies and tell them she doesn't live there and to stop writing to you.
I agree
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:11

So previous tragedy is a get out of debt free card? Sign me up! I'll start charging away and not pay it Hmm.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:13

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Bailiffs have not been OP's door. All that is happening is letters are occasionally coming through her door she is not bothering to send them back.

She said someone came to the door. And it doesn't matter, she doesn't want the letters there. It's a big deal to her. The niece is a piss taker. The OP doesn't want to put up with it and shouldn't have to.

She has not said bailiffs came to her door. It does matter that letters are a big deal to her because they shouldn't be as they are nothing to do with her . Most people get letters through their door sometimes addressed to previous owners/tenants and the normal thing to do is send them back .I doubt they are a big deal anyway. It's clear from OP's post this is more about revenge than anything else.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:16

They're a big deal to her.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Repeats deleted post.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:21

@osbertthesyrianhamster

They're a big deal to her.
Perhaps they wouldn't be if posters like you were not telling her they should be. Have you never received letters from previous tenants/owners. Do you open them and make a big deal out of it?
MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 14:22

Those of you who get so alarmed and stressed recieving post that isn't addressed to you and could easily just be returned to sender, how do you actually deal with the rest of your life if this tiny non-issue is that much of an issue for you?! Confused

stackemhigh · 09/04/2021 14:22

@WisnaeMe I know., I’ve reported it. So, so nasty.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 14:24

It's not about revenge at all but if somebody feels let down or ignored by somebody you once helped alot then they will obviously be less inclined to shield them from repercussions of their own doing, wouldn't they?

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:25

@Famproblems1

It's not about revenge at all but if somebody feels let down or ignored by somebody you once helped alot then they will obviously be less inclined to shield them from repercussions of their own doing, wouldn't they?

yes... OP do what suits you. 🌸

MaMaD1990 · 09/04/2021 14:26

This really does seem like it's a mountain out of a molehill and easily sorted (without having to open her post - bank statements, really?). Either phone the companies and say she's not there or keep sending the mail back to them. The bailiffs have been once in 4 years, and the letters come every couple of months if I read correctly. It's not exactly a weekly occurrence. You seem dead set on giving them her address which is also fine - just do it, but you'll have to deal with the fall out of her being annoyed (rightly or wrongly). This doesn't need to be a huge drama, in my eyes.

shouldistop · 09/04/2021 14:26

There looks like a lot of Debt ridden people on here who desperately want to stop OP telling Collection Agencies where her Cousin lives.

Nope, just not in the habit of making peoples lives harder and helping despicable debt collection companies.

MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 14:26

@Whitney168

I wonder if anyone who is saying 'don't shop her' has ever had the joy of regular letters through the door which are, by design, very obviously debt collection letters (bright red postcards with OUTSTANDING DEBT on them).

Then there are the constant phone calls, or there certainly were in my instance.

Believe me, I tried the whole return to sender, no longer at this address thing, but of course bailiffs don't believe it because debtors do this too.

It's a pain in the backside, and there is no way I will ever take responsibility for anyone else shirking their debts.

Have you read the thread? Absolutely loads of people, me included, have explained this has happened to them. I still get the odd one here or there after almost 3 years of living here. I don't find this an issue at all, just return to sender. It's not hard.

Also absolutely nobody has suggested OP should 'take responsibility' for the debts. The debts have nothing to do with her whatsoever so why on earth would she want to involve herself in other people's financial affairs Confused. If she's got so little time and energy that it's too hard to return letters to sender surely calling up a load of companies trying to explain her position will be much more difficult and time consuming.

poptartsarefood · 09/04/2021 14:27

She has been in her home for 20 years, obviously this is an issue for her. She's not jumping from rental to rental she has been there for 20 years. This is a new issue for her and she doesnt like it and she doesn't have to. She has done nothing wrong except kindly let her relative stay for a year., Her niece if she had any decency would take her crap with her when she left. But she doesn't and she didnt. I'm not sure if its an age thing but debt collectors at your door is not normal for most people.
Seriously OP, give them her address and remove yourself from her drama. Don't help her anymore, she doesn't give a shit about you

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:29

@Famproblems1

It's not about revenge at all but if somebody feels let down or ignored by somebody you once helped alot then they will obviously be less inclined to shield them from repercussions of their own doing, wouldn't they?
Firstly you don't really know if it is their own doing. Secondly, do not actually having to "shield" her. You just need to mind your own business, not open her post and return to sender. If you can't even be bothered to do that just bin them.
Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 14:31

@poptartsarefood

She has been in her home for 20 years, obviously this is an issue for her. She's not jumping from rental to rental she has been there for 20 years. This is a new issue for her and she doesnt like it and she doesn't have to. She has done nothing wrong except kindly let her relative stay for a year., Her niece if she had any decency would take her crap with her when she left. But she doesn't and she didnt. I'm not sure if its an age thing but debt collectors at your door is not normal for most people. Seriously OP, give them her address and remove yourself from her drama. Don't help her anymore, she doesn't give a shit about you
I've been in my home 16 years and I still get occasional post addressed to the previous owner. It doesn't cost anything to return to sender.
ittakes2 · 09/04/2021 14:34

I think her mother acted appaullingly. However, if you were getting letters for a stranger you would ring the firms and say they have not lived there in years. Maybe ring a debt charity and ask their advice.

MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 14:34

I've just read back a bit further and seen that OP was regularly opening this woman's BANK STATEMENTS. Why on earth would you do that?? No wonder she's annoyed at you, you seem totally overinvested and lack respectful boundaries. If someone opened my bank statements I would be fuming! I don't even open my husband's post!