To give debt collectors my relatives address?

[Famproblems1]

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

Seems unnecessarily harsh for someone who has been through a hell of a lot.

Absolutely I would give them her address (and did so in the same circumstances).

I wonder if anyone who is saying 'don't shop her' has ever had the joy of regular letters through the door which are, by design, very obviously debt collection letters (bright red postcards with OUTSTANDING DEBT on them).

Then there are the constant phone calls, or there certainly were in my instance.

Believe me, I tried the whole return to sender, no longer at this address thing, but of course bailiffs don't believe it because debtors do this too.

It's a pain in the backside, and there is no way I will ever take responsibility for anyone else shirking their debts.

Yes, frequently - this is very common whenever you move house - why does it matter if they are debt letters with red writing on them vs other mail?? People seem to have some bizarre shame-based reaction to debt letters in the way they wouldn't if it was constant clothing catalogues addressed to someone else. But it's irrelevant what it is, it's not your mail!!
Receiving someone else's mail is a minor inconvenience. It happens all the time. As adults it's just a very bit of minor life admin to stick it back in the postbox or if you really can't be bothered chuck it in the recycling.
OP has had debt collectors to her door once in 5 years, again a minor inconvenience - I've had door to door salesman once a month recently which is far more annoying.
OP clearly has some relationship issues with her relatives but let's not conflate the two. If it was simply a previous tenant she wouldnt be starting a thread saying "I keep receiving letters addressed to a random person who once lived at my house and once 5 years ago a debt collector came to the door looking for them, I'm finding this all so stressful". It's the feeling being ignored and under-appreciated by her relatives that OP is really having a problem with, which is a separate issue. She's using the letters as a way to get their attention which, as PP pointed out, is unlikely to work to positive effect.
OP needs to figure out if she wants to invest more time and energy in pushing for a relationship with her relatives, or if not move on. And just chuck the letters in the bin.

What I don't understand is how is somebody able to take out phone contracts and payday loans with somebody else's details, or even able to hold somebody under duress and get them to do it on your behalf under their own name.

Surely the first thing you would do would be to call and cancel the contracts or report any fraud to the police.

Financial abuse is a very convenient excuse to some people I'm sure, not that I'm saying everybody who uses that as an explanation is lying, but it's a very good excuse to use if you were.

Sounds to me like she's been lying to everyone. The Debts are hers. 🌸

@Famproblems1

What I don't understand is how is somebody able to take out phone contracts and payday loans with somebody else's details, or even able to hold somebody under duress and get them to do it on your behalf under their own name.

Surely the first thing you would do would be to call and cancel the contracts or report any fraud to the police.

Financial abuse is a very convenient excuse to some people I'm sure, not that I'm saying everybody who uses that as an explanation is lying, but it's a very good excuse to use if you were.

Maybe it's an excuse, maybe it's what happened? I understand it's very common for abusive partners to manipulate the other into accumulating debt. It could be hard to understand if you haven't been in an abusive relationship but things get messy very quickly.

@Whitney168

I wonder if anyone who is saying 'don't shop her' has ever had the joy of regular letters through the door which are, by design, very obviously debt collection letters (bright red postcards with OUTSTANDING DEBT on them).

Then there are the constant phone calls, or there certainly were in my instance.

Believe me, I tried the whole return to sender, no longer at this address thing, but of course bailiffs don't believe it because debtors do this too.

It's a pain in the backside, and there is no way I will ever take responsibility for anyone else shirking their debts.

Most of the people who say don't shop her have had "the joy". I certainly have. I just hold the debt collectors firmly that the lodger had left and I didn't have a forwarding address. I refused to give my details because it is none of their business .That wouldn't be uncommon. What you think everybody else does? OP hasn't mentioned phone calls and they clearly don't have that. It's just letters she can just return them with "not known at this address". It's not a big deal except when people want it to be so they can be nasty, in this case to someone who is struggling and has a severely disabled child.

Oh wow. In an abusive relationship it is quite clear how the boyfriend could have manipulated and/or coerced her into taking out phone contracts and payday loans in her name. I'm glad you've never been in that situation and that is why you don't understand. But then you open her bank statements, go through them and discuss their contents with other people. Just give the debt collectors her address. Hopefully that'll teach her a lesson.

At this stage I don't think it really matters how the debt was accrued anymore, it's in her name so she's liable to pay it.

It's her choice whether or not she does that but I won't be sitting idly having these letters drop through my door, she can plead her case to the debt collectors.

This comments on this thread are simply baffling me. Her niece has a huge amount of debt and letting her auntie deal with the repercussions. How is that ok?

If any relative did this to me after I’d took them in I’d be furious. Her niece has enough about her to complain about her opening post to the Royal Mail. Perhaps she might use some of that initiative to sort her debts out. I’d die of shame if relatives of mine were receiving debt letters of mine years after I’d moved out. And as someone said earlier- it was ‘only once she’s had someone at her door and it wasn’t even a bailiff’... so bloody what- that’s once too many! How embarrassing if any of the neighbours saw that- I would be mortified. If you have no shame about these things then good for you- most of us work hard to keep our accounts in good standing to avoid exactly this type of stressful crap!

Your niece or your sister clearly don’t give a shit about taking money and not paying it back or indeed you OP. I’d be ringing every company today and providing their details. The ‘ex spending it’ I can guarantee is pure bullshit too. Why would your niece run away and put her head in the sand for four years after being defrauded like that? You’d be at pains to take him to court, contact the police or at least get the companies to chase him. Absolute bollocks and a good excuse to play the sympathy card.

The ex boyfriend won't pay it he's in prison serving a long stretch but I would bet money that he was being pursued aswell and is just another one choosing to ignore it.

Your niece or your sister clearly don’t give a shit about taking money and not paying it back or indeed you OP. I’d be ringing every company today and providing their details. The ‘ex spending it’ I can guarantee is pure bullshit too. Why would your niece run away and put her head in the sand for four years after being defrauded like that? You’d be at pains to take him to court, contact the police or at least get the companies to chase him. Absolute bollocks and a good excuse to play the sympathy card.

So you would ring every company and give the relatives details rather than just saying she doesn't live there?. OP isn't suffering because of this. She is angry because her relatives aren't keeping in touch with her not because she is suffering some great ordeal from the occasional letter that isn't addressed to her.

OP your relatives are treating you badly, yet expect you to hold the watertight doors to them. You've given 4 years to this crap. End it today. 🌸

She is suffering. Why are you all against her niece facing up to her debts? They are in her name- if she wanted to put that right then she should have done so years ago.

@Famproblems1

At this stage I don't think it really matters how the debt was accrued anymore, it's in her name so she's liable to pay it.

It's her choice whether or not she does that but I won't be sitting idly having these letters drop through my door, she can plead her case to the debt collectors.

That is really not very nice, Famproblems. In fact it's downright nasty. I honestly don't see how you are inconvenienced. This is not some random person, it is a relative whom you know! If you just threw the letters away rather than returning to sender it would be better. That happens a lot, especially in flats where there is a regular turnover of tenants, or else the post piles up in the hall.

Belladonna, I agree, have had the same.

It will not last forever, collection agencies get fed up of flogging a dead horse in the end.

Her niece has a huge amount of debt and letting her auntie deal with the repercussions. How is that ok?

What repercussions??

How is this any different to any other normal scenario when some has moved house and the new owner/tenant receives their mail??

By going round creating all sorts of noise phoning up debt agencies and acknowledging a link to the debtor OP is both creating work for herself and probably likely to received more attention as a person connected to the debtor.

Why is it so difficult just to chuck the letters in the bin??

@Bitofanexpert

She is suffering. Why are you all against her niece facing up to her debts? They are in her name- if she wanted to put that right then she should have done so years ago.

The debts are not in OP's name. Where'd you get that from? She isn't suffering. The letters are nothing to do with her. She just wants to use them to get revenge because her relatives are not bothering to keep in contact with her.

Honestly don’t get the majority on here at all.

I wouldn’t want anyone’s debt letters dropping on my doorstep at all.

I wouldn’t want DCA turning up at my door. Many of them try any scare tactics to get money and are plain nasty. This happened yesterday.

Her niece needs to sort out her problems. Not hide behind her auntie’s address to solve them. Awful behaviour.

So put up with those letters on the matt and possibly bailiffs showing up because 'poor niece'? Nope.

Turning up I mean, not the nasty behaviour.

Why do adults assume other adults are there to do their life admin for them forever. It's embarrassing the number of pisstakers and users in the world who see nothing wrong in letting an older relative fend of their crap. The OP has had four years of this and doesn't want anymore.

She is lying about speaking to the debt collection companies. Either that or she is speaking to them but refusing to give them a new address, which is less than useless as they won’t just remove your address on her say so if she’s unwilling to give them her actual address. If you don’t tell them where she is, they’ll maybe eventually remove your address from their system (unlikely) or the more likely scenario is they’ll bundle up her debts with all the other ones they’ve not been able to reclaim, then sell them on to another debt collection company and the cycle will continue.

@Bitofanexpert

Honestly don’t get the majority on here at all.

I wouldn’t want anyone’s debt letters dropping on my doorstep at all.

I wouldn’t want DCA turning up at my door. Many of them try any scare tactics to get money and are plain nasty. This happened yesterday.

Her niece needs to sort out her problems. Not hide behind her auntie’s address to solve them. Awful behaviour.

If they turn up on doorstep you just say you do not know where the person lives, they stayed with you years ago, and close the door. They are not allowed to come in without invitation and the debt agencies can see who actually lives at a premises from 192 or the voters register.

That is hardly going to happen every day. I have had a couple turn up at mine over the years but ages ago. It stops eventually.

You do not grass people up for debt.

@poptartsarefood

Why do adults assume other adults are there to do their life admin for them forever. It's embarrassing the number of pisstakers and users in the world who see nothing wrong in letting an older relative fend of their crap. The OP has had four years of this and doesn't want anymore.

Exactly! Why should the OP continue to put up with this or she's not, shock, horror, nice (some have called her even worse)? It's hardly nice of the niece to scarper on it and not sort it all and just shrug it all off with the OP after the OP let her live there for a year.

Give the mother's address then. She can see how nice it is to get a load of letters like that.

The pair of them are taking the piss.