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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 08:21

Whilst on the subject of bank statements perhaps the debt collectors might be interested in seeing those as up until December 2019 at the very earliest she had ample money in the account monthly and could have easily delegated 20-30 pounds of that to paying towards the unpaid debts.

It's not as though 20-30 pounds per month would leave her destitute and unable to feed the children as somebody ridiculously suggested upthread.

This is more a case of won't pay than can't pay.

OP posts:
Alwaysandforeverhere · 09/04/2021 08:21

What letters op.... note all the names of the ones you currently know and shred/burn the opener letter. Keep a stack of any news letter unopened or address crossed out and back in post box.

Cavagirl · 09/04/2021 08:25

@Bitofanexpert

Because she shares the same last name as her niece and she’s had bailiffs at the door. I’d be fucking furious in OP’s shoes.
She's had bailiffs once! So have I, for previous occupants. As PP said upthread, they have no power to enter without a court order, and they won't get one because she doesn't live there. You just send them away. I really don't understand how one bailiff at the door in 5 years and a load of unwanted post is such an issue. This is literally what happens for many many people if you move house every few years. With her latest posts OP just sounds pretty bitter and vindictive about her niece tbh.
CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/04/2021 08:26

When the bailiffs arrived at your door I assume you showed them your ID and they went away.

All it takes is something similar with the others.

And a credit check on any of the free services.

You could have this sorted by the end of next week,.could have sorted it months ago, if sorting it was what you actually want to do.

It doesn't have to be complicated, time consuming or combative.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 08:29

When the bailiffs came to the door I had to show my ID yes, which I did.

I maintained that I didn't know her forwarding address as we'd lost contact after she moved on, that should have been the end of it.

I can't believe people are implying it's as simple as me wanting to 'dob her in'

OP posts:
Bitofanexpert · 09/04/2021 08:30

I’d be bitter too! Before I bought my house I rented a few properties- I never had a bailiff visit my house for anyone. It’s not the norm. If they’d have visited for a relative of mine then I’d have been upset to have been put in that position- I’d have expected an apology and for them to sort it so I wasn’t put in that position again. It’s really not on.

maddening · 09/04/2021 08:30

I would call the debt collectors and say she does not live there.

If they then continue (allow a little cross over time) then give her mother's address.

maddening · 09/04/2021 08:35

And tell her mum to help her dd get the debt releif order, it really will sort it all and be over in a year. Yes it will impact her credit file but if she has debt collectors after her it is likely pretty bad already.

lazyarse123 · 09/04/2021 08:37

Bundle up what you've got and post them on to her. Let her have the stress of opening them. She's a cheeky bitch. Nothing will happen to your credit file but it's not your problem to deal with.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2021 08:48

You say your opening her post for a purpose- what purpose, you haven’t actually taken any steps to show she doesn’t live at the add- like others have said you are making a huge deal of this.

Btw: if I ever want to commit fraud, note to self to get a big man to knock on people’s doors claiming to be a debt collector and ask for id etc- even take pics- people seemingly have zero idea of their rights and are so easily bullied.

HarrietOh · 09/04/2021 08:51

They weren’t a bailiff it was a debt collector.
I’d be careful confirming she ever lived with you if you never declared this for council tax and were claiming single person discount.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 08:58

I think you're making this deliberately complicated to be nasty. You don't need to give them her address to make them go away. Just say she was lodging your house and she doesn't live there anymore. You have opened her post so could easily phone them .Presumably she isn't on the electoral role there or on any bills and never has been. Return all her poster sender and stop reading it.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 08:59

@Famproblems1

When the bailiffs came to the door I had to show my ID yes, which I did.

I maintained that I didn't know her forwarding address as we'd lost contact after she moved on, that should have been the end of it.

I can't believe people are implying it's as simple as me wanting to 'dob her in'

If it's continuing it is probably because she owes money to more than one person. If you're opening her letters anyway phone up and tell them she doesn't live there and you don't know where she is. It is simple to do that. I've done it.
Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 09:02

She's had bailiffs once!
So have I, for previous occupants. As PP said upthread, they have no power to enter without a court order, and they won't get one because she doesn't live there. You just send them away.
I really don't understand how one bailiff at the door in 5 years and a load of unwanted post is such an issue. This is literally what happens for many many people if you move house every few years.
With her latest posts OP just sounds pretty bitter and vindictive about her niece tbh.

Yes, it's not a big deal. Loads of people have to do this and we're not all plagued by debt collectors forever.

BabyofMine · 09/04/2021 09:02

Write “person not known at this address” and put the unopened letters in the post box. It really is as simple as that.

Or if you really want to, call the companies and say this person is not known at this address, please remove my address from your system. You don’t need to go into any detail about whether she did or did not live there etc. Simply state the person doesn’t live at your address. They will remove it. Honestly, GDPR and all that.

You sound incredibly over invested and frankly, it’s none of your business. Just have them remove your address, there is nothing more to it.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 09:06

You say your opening her post for a purpose- what purpose

So i know in advance if another debt collector will be coming to my house..

OP posts:
Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 09:09

@Famproblems1

You say your opening her post for a purpose- what purpose

So i know in advance if another debt collector will be coming to my house..

You already know she owes money . Opening her post isn't going to tell you whether a debt collectors is coming to your house. You're just making excuses to be nosy and vindictive.
Jumpers268 · 09/04/2021 09:09

So you opened her bank statements and went through them? Is that actually legal? Genuinely curious. Also, you've never returned the post to the sender or told the companies she doesn't live there so that's probably why you're still getting letters.

Cavagirl · 09/04/2021 09:19

@Famproblems1

You say your opening her post for a purpose- what purpose

So i know in advance if another debt collector will be coming to my house..

Why are you so worried about debt collectors coming to your door for a debt owed by someone who doesn't live there anymore and when a debt collector has been only once in 5 years??
SmellsLikeTeenBedroom · 09/04/2021 09:30

I think it depends a bit on whether she is continuing to build up debts or is simply recovering from a bad period in her past. If shd is livibg unsustainable lifestyle and continuing to build up debt then pass her detsils on. But if all her debts are from a former partner has coerced her into taking out loans in her own name then it will be very difficult for her to offliad these debts back onto ex partner. If this is the case I would not pass on her details.

I would also add that many debt collection agencies are awful, they just want the money and will hound it out of anyone even if they know its the wrong person. Several years ago we were hounded for a debt from my husband's shared student house. It was obviously not his debt, was for a gas bill years after he graduated. That didnt stop them threatening to send bailiffs to my house and repossess my household items, while I was home alone with a baby. I am inherently distrustful of debt collection agencies, and would only pass details on if your niece is behaving recklessly and deserves it. Otherwise, let them do their job and find the money without your help. Or as another poster suggested, pass on the mum's details and make it her problem. But don't put the debt collectors onto a vulnerable young woman unless youre sure she deserves it.

WildfirePonie · 09/04/2021 09:33

YANBU OP.

Call them with a fwd address.

Be done with it all.

Why should YOU have to be stressed out wondering who could be at the door? Nope. Either give her address or her Mums address.

They are not your debts. Not your problem. 4 years and you are still getting letters. I wouldn't stand for that.

supadupapupascupa · 09/04/2021 09:35

The post I would put back in the post box marked "not known at this address".
BUT I would apply for a credit check. This will give you details of anyone associated at your address and you can go from the info on there to contact people and have the records removed. No opening of post involved.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 09:38

@SmellsLikeTeenBedroom

I think it depends a bit on whether she is continuing to build up debts or is simply recovering from a bad period in her past. If shd is livibg unsustainable lifestyle and continuing to build up debt then pass her detsils on. But if all her debts are from a former partner has coerced her into taking out loans in her own name then it will be very difficult for her to offliad these debts back onto ex partner. If this is the case I would not pass on her details.

I would also add that many debt collection agencies are awful, they just want the money and will hound it out of anyone even if they know its the wrong person. Several years ago we were hounded for a debt from my husband's shared student house. It was obviously not his debt, was for a gas bill years after he graduated. That didnt stop them threatening to send bailiffs to my house and repossess my household items, while I was home alone with a baby. I am inherently distrustful of debt collection agencies, and would only pass details on if your niece is behaving recklessly and deserves it. Otherwise, let them do their job and find the money without your help. Or as another poster suggested, pass on the mum's details and make it her problem. But don't put the debt collectors onto a vulnerable young woman unless youre sure she deserves it.

How could they send bailiffs to collect household items for a bill that presumably wasn't even in his name? Only High Court bailiffs do that and even then they would have to have evidence that the debt was his. Debt collectors don't have any power. Regardless, OP had a visit 18 months ago from debt collectors and they haven't returned. Her problem just seems to be that letters are delivered and she has made very little attempt to let the people who are sending letters know they have the wrong address.
PurpleSunrise · 09/04/2021 09:40

I personally would ring the companies to tell them that she doesn’t live there anymore and offer to send a copy of my ID, council tax Bill showing one person living there etc - and then if that didn’t work and they carried on coming then I might consider giving them her address. I’d think it worth trying the first option first

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 09:44

@PurpleSunrise

I personally would ring the companies to tell them that she doesn’t live there anymore and offer to send a copy of my ID, council tax Bill showing one person living there etc - and then if that didn’t work and they carried on coming then I might consider giving them her address. I’d think it worth trying the first option first
OP doesn't have to give any details of herself. It probably won't help anyway if she has the same surname. She just needs to tell them it was a lodger who has left and she has no forwarding details. Any further letters just go back in the post box to sender, not known at this address.