To give debt collectors my relatives address?

[Famproblems1]

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

I posted about something like this yesterday., Women in my house before i lived here. Loads of mail for the woman here before, went on for several weeks. I started to open all the mail, and glad that I did,as I then contacted all the debt people to explain things. There were bailiffs warnings, debts to various companies etc, and I totalled up all the debts that this woman owed all over the place, and it was about £19.000.
All the mail then stopped arriving, and a few companies then sent me emails to thank me for my information to them.

I found out some time later. that this woman had done a bunk after leaving here, and just gone off to stay with some person in Spain..

@shouldistop

I'm really surprised at the responses. This young woman was in a financially and physically (by the sounds of it) abusive relationship which she managed to escape. She's vulnerable with mh issues and a disabled child. Why on earth would you give debt collectors her address? Just tell them she doesn't live at your address. We used to get debt collectors letters for the previous owner of our house. I called the companies and they stopped writing.

Quite. Who do you think you are? Her address is not your business and is not for you to give out to anyone. Just tell the debt collectors she does not live at you address.

No good deed goes unpunished, you helped her out for a year, now that she has brought negativity to your door and you try to deflect it, they make you out to be horrid.

@Famproblems1

I'm actually quite concerned that they won't believe any attempt from me telling them she doesn't live here anymore and that they'll take control of my belongings.

No matter how many times she or my sister says that won't happen it doesn't take away from the stress that it just might.

It was the fact that every letter that came here addressed to her filled me with dread that lead to me opening them in the first place.

They can only take belongings through a court order and that only from the person named on the debt, stop being so bloody dramatic.

@tortoiselover100

No good deed goes unpunished, you helped her out for a year, now that she has brought negativity to your door and you try to deflect it, they make you out to be horrid.

Oh bollocks has she.

Letters hurt nobody, especially if they are unopened and returned to sender, which is precisely what the op should have done.

@Famproblems1

It's not immediately obvious that they are debt collectors letters no, but I know from experience that they are almost the only letters that come here.

I continued to receive her bank statements monthly after she moved on because her bank wouldn't let her change her address with them as she doesn't have a driver's licence or passport, so my address was stuck on system as being where her bank was registered which probably hasn't helped matters.

That's absolute rubbish, and DWP or HMRC letter will do.

She is in need. Could you pay some of her debt to help her?

It doesn't really sound as if the girl or her mother have given any consideration to the impact on the OP.

If returning items to sender worked, then no one would ever collect any debt, because everyone would claim to have moved.

It's not helping the relative to let her bury her head in the sand either. She needs to accept responsibility for the debts she has racked up and to deal with them. Dealing with them might involve getting them written off, given her low income - she needs to get in touch with a debt charity for help.

On some level, she must know she has debt collectors after her. Wouldn't she rest easier knowing that there was a plan in place to permanently sort them out, as opposed to defer dealing with them by letting them chase the OP for a bit?

Sometimes kindness comes in the form of tough love and being kind to yourself.

I ended up in debt (long story but essentially my main client pissed off owing me thousands. I had no money and no client and it took months to get back on my feet). I’ve got two disabled DC and my mental health is crap which meant I got in a real state of anxiety about it all. I cannot describe to you the fear of waiting for the next knock on the door. Some of the people were absolutely horrible. They were bullies and they lied about their rights. I wish I’d be in the right frame of mind to be more assertive but I felt terribly ashamed.

I worked hard to clear what I owed but they were bastards. This was quite a long time ago now but I can remember the fear avidly. I still panic if there’s an unexpected knock, even though my finances are now fine.

You shouldn’t have to keep dealing with all this but is there an alternative that protects your niece? These people generally are not nice and once they know they’ve found you, they’re relentless even if you’re talking to them. They just want you to pay up in full and don’t care. Perhaps give them her mother’s address? She thinks you’re being mean so let her be the shield for her daughter. That gives you some peace but still protects your niece.

As an aside, my phone is being a dick and won’t load the full thread so if this isn’t relevant now I apologise.

@Famproblems1

She was staying here temporarily, I never planned to have her here long term so why would she need to be on my council tax bill?

She paid me a set amount every month for board and I handled my admin as I usually would.

I hope you declared her board payment as income

@shamalidacdak

She is in need. Could you pay some of her debt to help her?

God I’m no fan of the OP but errr no! The debt collectors aren’t reasonable nice people, once they think the OP will pay they would never stop bothering her. It’s not her debt, nothing will happen to OP, but the OP needs to state the girl doesn’t live there- end of!

@Teapotsandtablecloths

The debt collectors unfortunately are well within the rights to keep writing to your address until they have a new one for her. So i would definitely give them her new address.

Rubbish!!!

@UniversalAunt

‘ ‘I bought my house 15 years ago. I'm still getting debt collector letters for the previous owners. Writing "return to sender" achieves nothing, in my experience.’

@Motorina because you have not told them anything so their db is not updated. ‘ Not known at this address since 2005’ might help?

Done that.

Have sent them back in another envelope with an accompanying letter explaining.

It’s made not a blind bit of difference.

Just cross out your address and put "Return to Sender, Unknown" and put back in the postbox.

Just mark them 'return to sender- does not live here' they are not your debts so they cannot do anything to you op.

You could give her address also if you want to.

Your niece needs to stop running from this... I wouldn’t be in a rush to give her address out but if she ever wants a mortgage to get on the housing ladder/ car finance/phone contract she will be absolutely screwed. She’ll no doubt insist she won’t ever need it but life gives us plenty of twists and turns when it comes to circumstances. Keep them (the letters) in a pile for a bit, pass them on after a month or two and urge her to get debt advice from a debt charity. I’d also keep a copy of your council tax bill near the door in case of any difficult visitors.

The worst that will happen if she contacts them directly is that she has to pay a nominal payment of £1 a month for each one. They will all default and be kicked off her credit file at 6 years anyway- she does need to try and get on top of them though before she finds she has a run of CCJs. If she has debt more recent than that then the ex is probably just an excuse.

As for those here saying opening post is illegal- sorry but no words 🤣🤣. In real life do you honestly think that her niece is really going to report her auntie to the police for having the audacity to open all their debt letters they’ve done a runner from?! I’d argue using what is now a false address continually for all your finances is far worse than opening post. Police don’t even come out for burglaries these days, I very much doubt they’ll be racing out to that call.

Apparently she's contacted royal mail about me opening private letters

That might back fire on her as they'll probably want to forward them to her now and ask why she hasn't changed her address.

Did she ask you to stop opening her mail?

So you’ve committed two crimes then, OP; illegally opening someone else’s post and committing fraud by not adding her onto your council tax bill.

Ignorance is not an excuse.

OP send them her address. This isn't your problem and she's had 4 years to sort it out. I also think royal mail will want to know why she hasn't set up a redirect and this wont play out the way she thinks it will.

Sorry but the niece needs to take some responsibility for this.

The OP has covered enough and been more than reasonable. Just putting addressee gone away at this stage is a stalling tactic in the eyes of the debt recovery people. OP's address is the last known and evidenced address of the debtor and that's the one they will keep on chasing until they are given a new one.

Give them the address and let the niece sort HER problems out.

She either deals with it or the debt will go up and up (costs and interest) and at some point a creditor will lost patience and petition for bankruptcy.

Debt doesn't disappear and she needs to deal with it, not the OP.

She did ask me to stop opening her mail yes but she would wouldn't she. If it's still coming here after 4 years and I know she's being chased by debt collectors, one of which turned up at my door, I have reasonable grounds to want to know in advance if they're planning on coming to my property again. I'm happy to explain all of this to royal mail if they get in touch but I doubt they will.

It's very different to opening mail for nefarious purposes, thank you to the posters up thread who pointed out the clause which meant I haven't broken the law.

It's not just about debt collectors letters any more her mother has told her I was opening bank statements which shouldn't have been coming here either.

What a twat. Probably BS she has contacted them but after that I’ve have no problem with reporting her address. Tell her that you are reporting her to the police for using your address fraudulently. She’s showing no remorse or guilt towards doing this to you whatsoever. I doubt the debts belonged solely to the ex in the first place, I think you’ve been spun a lie there.

I wonder if all these posters saying it was ‘no big deal’ would be comfortable with DCA visiting their doorsteps? Doubt it. As always because she has mental health issues then her mental health must trump yours OP, you don’t count 🙄.

Ring them all today, she’s using you and taking the piss.

Some of the jokers on this thread!!

Why do people think receiving mail not addressed to them is such a stressful event??? How difficult is it just to stick it on the side, write return to sender and stick it in the postbox once a month? Or even just chuck it in the bin if you're that fed up!

OP the fact that you've not moved house in 20 years is telling - this is what most people put up with every time they move, it's extremely common and the problem isn't the post it's the reaction you're choosing to have to it.

Once a month to the postbox. Done. Why is it such a big deal?

Because she shares the same last name as her niece and she’s had bailiffs at the door. I’d be fucking furious in OP’s shoes.