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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 08/04/2021 19:47

Give the debt collectors her new address. Fed up of hearing of people accruing debts, for whatever reason , then moving and hoping that the debts go away .
It's not your problem, it's her problem. Her mum is being thick or stupid.

LIZS · 08/04/2021 19:48

Yanbu If she wants to deal with it she could speak to Stepchange or similar. Servicing the odd minimum payment won't make it go away and eventually she will end up with a ccj. You did her a favour and she should return it.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 08/04/2021 19:48

Could you give the debt collector her mother’s address. Then she can decide how heartless or otherwise it is....

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:48

I forgot to add that they got my address through the DWP as she made a claim for income support when she left the boyfriend so they do know that she definitely did stay here at one point

OP posts:
Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:53

Thank you it's good to hear these replies.

It's funny how I have been painted as the bad one for opening the letters and 'stressing her out' about it.. that's from her mother, my sister, by the way..

Yes she's had a hard time but haven't we all. It's no good rebuilding parts of your life and brushing other parts under the carpet.

OP posts:
LIZS · 08/04/2021 19:56

It is only a matter of time before they locate her via any claim she is making for cb, dla or uc, or her employer. You could return the letters and just let them trace her.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:56

Have told her to speak to debt charities but life always gets in the way apparently. Bad health.. problems with her child.. but there has been so many opportunity to put a stop to it.

I don't need it at my door and she should deal with the consequences Even if that means taking it on the chin and having them come and take some belongings if she can't or won't pay.

No excuse imo

OP posts:
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 19:56

I don't understand why you would do that. Contact the companies and tell them she doesn't live there and to stop writing to you.

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 19:57

Abso feckin lutely give them HER address...

why the hell should you be enduring all this grief after extending the kindness of letting her short term.

Don't be played for a fool, give every single debtor all her contact details..

End this now OP 🌸

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:58

She works PT self employed so HMRC have her address as do DWP for universal credit top up and DLA. I don't know how they haven't turned up at her door yet.

OP posts:
londonrach · 08/04/2021 19:58

Give her address..not your problem

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:00

@shouldistop

I don't understand why you would do that. Contact the companies and tell them she doesn't live there and to stop writing to you.
One of them came to my door 18 months ago looking to speak to her, very polite but besides the point. I said she didn't live here and hasn't been here for a long time, didn't stop the letters coming.

Yes I can choose not to open them or just pass them on to her but that doesn't stop them coming here either.

OP posts:
Lordamighty · 08/04/2021 20:00

@shouldistop

I don't understand why you would do that. Contact the companies and tell them she doesn't live there and to stop writing to you.
It’s not that simple, people lie to the debt collectors, they don’t give up that easily. Give them her mother’s address, let her deal with them.
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 20:00

I'm really surprised at the responses. This young woman was in a financially and physically (by the sounds of it) abusive relationship which she managed to escape. She's vulnerable with mh issues and a disabled child.
Why on earth would you give debt collectors her address? Just tell them she doesn't live at your address.
We used to get debt collectors letters for the previous owner of our house. I called the companies and they stopped writing.

Hagqueen · 08/04/2021 20:01

Why can’t you just phone them and tell them she doesn’t live there? Why do you need to give her address?

Seadragonusgiganticusmaximus · 08/04/2021 20:02

@Famproblems1

Thank you it's good to hear these replies.

It's funny how I have been painted as the bad one for opening the letters and 'stressing her out' about it.. that's from her mother, my sister, by the way..

Yes she's had a hard time but haven't we all. It's no good rebuilding parts of your life and brushing other parts under the carpet.

You are the bad one for opening her letters? I thought that was illegal (I might be wrong). It’s certainly poor manners. Just write her new address on and pop them back in the post so she can deal with them as she sees fit.
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 20:03

It’s not that simple, people lie to the debt collectors, they don’t give up that easily

From my experience it's easily sorted. We used to get letters, sheriffs officers, court summons for the previous owner. I just opened every letter, called the number and told them what date we had lived there from and that he hadn't lived here since at least then.

drpet49 · 08/04/2021 20:03

* Give the debt collectors her new address. Fed up of hearing of people accruing debts, for whatever reason , then moving and hoping that the debts go away . It's not your problem, it's her problem.*

^This

StareyCat · 08/04/2021 20:05

Just return the letters to sender. If you want you could also contact Experian to let them know she doesn't live with you. You can get the collectors to leave you alone without disclosing her address.

Seadragonusgiganticusmaximus · 08/04/2021 20:06

Sorry, ignore the question mark in my response above. The first sentence is a statement of my opinion, not a question.

hobbyiscodefordogging · 08/04/2021 20:06

Here's what you do...

You don't open the mail
You cross out the name and address
You write on it "Return to sender - not known at this address"
And then you stick it back in the post box

That way you are stopping it being your problem without being an arsehole to your niece.

Make sure that credit referencing agencies etc don't have the two of you linked through your address - there will be a process to go through for this but I don't know what it is.

katy1213 · 08/04/2021 20:06

This is probably affecting your credit rating. Give them both addresses and let them sort it out themselves.

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 20:07

@shouldistop

I'm really surprised at the responses. This young woman was in a financially and physically (by the sounds of it) abusive relationship which she managed to escape. She's vulnerable with mh issues and a disabled child. Why on earth would you give debt collectors her address? Just tell them she doesn't live at your address. We used to get debt collectors letters for the previous owner of our house. I called the companies and they stopped writing.

Responsibility

Having Sheriff Officers/Debt Recovery Officers at your door is very unpleasant, and worse that the Debts are not even yours.

If they are half of OP's cousins Ex Partners debts, then OP's cousin can explain this to the Debt Collectors.

What is not reasonable, is to expect OP to just have all these Collectors and various endless letters at her door.

I can't understand why you believe OP should just suck this shit up?

shouldistop · 08/04/2021 20:07

*One of them came to my door 18 months ago looking to speak to her, very polite but besides the point. I said she didn't live here and hasn't been here for a long time, didn't stop the letters coming.

Yes I can choose not to open them or just pass them on to her but that doesn't stop them coming here either.*

Have you actually phoned the companies? The thug at the door wouldn't have bothered passing any messages on.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:08

She hasn't been with the violent boyfriend for years so it's no longer an excuse imo. She gets help for her MH and her DC with disabilities.

What makes anybody think I'm better equip to deal with debt collectors at my door?

I wouldn't open the letters if they didn't come to my address. I'm not the bad one here.

I haven't called them myself because as people have highlighted here they'll be used to people lying to deter them and no amount of phone calls will stop the letters, she claims to have spoken to them already.

OP posts: