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AIBU?

Most Couples Are Doomed

226 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 08/04/2021 11:02

I mean in film and TV and literature .

Often at the end of a film depicting a great love story I just think...nah....two years max.

Examples:
Rose and Jack if he hadn’t frozen to death. Would she REALLY have been content with a future cut off from society and spitting and ice-fishing her way round America? No.

Satine and Christian from Moulin Rouge. I know she’s dead (and died very beautifully and romantically from TB too) but if they’d had to leave Paris, rattling through Europe dragging a bird cage, it would be no time at all before she realised there’s no freedom in being dirt poor while Christian writes his book, she’d go back to her tried and tested ways in no time to make a few bob, he’d get jealous and she’d piss off to join a chorus line in London, not as the sparking diamond but a cubic zirconia near the back.

Film Harry and Ginny- he’d realise all those years of playing the field as the chosen one was a missed chance, and he’d move out to his own flat where he’d show off his new Nike AirMax to his bewildered children and boast about crazy nights out in the local bar. Ginny would sniff stoically in a beige trench coat and hold it together for the kids.

I’m sure there are loads more.

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SmidgenofaPigeon · 08/04/2021 12:33

Oh just me then 😂

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CuntyMcBollocks · 08/04/2021 13:08

I think you're wrong about Rose and Jack. Rose did all of the things she planned to do with Jack in honour of his memory, and she kept him alive in her heart for all of those years.

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CloudFormations · 08/04/2021 13:09

Baby and Johnny - never going to be more than a summer fling before she waltzed off to college or the peace Corps and left him behind.

Sandy and Danny - she would discover feminism at college and dump him for being a rapey bastard

Carrie and Mr Big - he let her down over and over. It would only be a matter of time until he did it again.

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SmidgenofaPigeon · 08/04/2021 13:13

Def agree about Sandy and Danny. I think Mr Big would die of a heart attack (he had heart problems after all and Carrie was prone to inexplicable screeching so she might bring one on) before they could split up.

Maybe Rose and Jack then. Always thought it was so harsh to her actual husband and the father of her children that she went back to Jack in her dream/afterlife at the end.

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BloodyHellAudrey · 08/04/2021 13:13

Grin
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Mumoftwoinprimary · 08/04/2021 13:17

Cinderella and Prince Charming.

She only loves him because he is a prince and she has been starved of affection. He loves her because she is an exciting unknown.

Within six months she’ll be begging the fairy godmother to find her a good lawyer!

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Palavah · 08/04/2021 13:18

Spot on with Rose and Jack. She had all those adventures because she was able to keep her money and connections. If he'd lived and they'd stayed together she wouldn't have been taking flying lessons.

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SmidgenofaPigeon · 08/04/2021 13:20

Yes that’s what I mean about Rose. But I also wonder how she was able to hang on to those things. She pretended to her family she was dead and picked up Jack’s surname. How did she amass any wealth? She wouldn’t have even have been on the passenger list from the Titanic.

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OverTheRubicon · 08/04/2021 13:25

You've Got Mail - owner of giant evil bookstore chain and small.bookshop owner. We saw that play out with Jeff Bezos - he has an affair and she ends up married to a science teacher and deciding together how to give away her half of the fortune (now I'm writing it out, it's still not the unhappiest ending).

Aladdin - how long till Jasmine realises that an uneducated small time criminal is not going to be a great leader of state nor do they have much in common beyond amazingly taut torsos (both of which they will lose after a couple of kids and soft living in the palace). Ditto Tangled.

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wusbanker · 08/04/2021 13:27

I assumed that Rose would manage to find a wealthy husband just down to her education and etiquette.

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GreenSlide · 08/04/2021 13:30

Virginia would never have stuck with Happy Gilmore for long. The guy was a total PITA.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 08/04/2021 13:31

She pretended to her family she was dead and picked up Jack’s surname. How did she amass any wealth?

By meeting and hurriedly marrying men, then pushing them to their death and inheriting all their money. After killing Jack, the others were easy.

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SmidgenofaPigeon · 08/04/2021 13:34

Definitely Jasmine and Aladdin. Beauty and the Beast- in a few short years there would have been the French Revolution, the castle would be torn apart and Belle would have upped sticks back to the provinces with the kids. That provincial town life would be preferable to having her head put in a guilletine.

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SmidgenofaPigeon · 08/04/2021 13:34

@DioneTheDiabolist Grin yes you could be into something there.

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ScarfaceCwaw · 08/04/2021 13:35

She had all those adventures because she was able to keep her money and connections

She didn't though. "Rose DeWitt Bukater" was registered dead. The strong implication is that as "Rose Dawson" she fended for herself and got a job. I think you're probably still right about Rose and Jack though Grin

The couple from "Knocked Up". I think even the filmmaker has said they would have lasted about two years post the birth.

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ScarfaceCwaw · 08/04/2021 13:37

And of course Rose could have hocked the diamond on the black market, if she chose, but didn't.

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3babylady · 08/04/2021 13:42

Romeo and Juliet, familial resentment is the cause of so many break ups if they had lived would she really of been okay with Romeo being the reason her cousin was dead? Would Romeo of ever gotten over the death of Mercutio his best friend in the world at the hands of Juliets family? I think not.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 08/04/2021 13:44

I think Rose and Jack were the real deal.

Don't know about the Mouline Rouge couple.

Harry and Ginny were all shades of wrong and completely unconvincing as a couple. I really wanted to see Neville (my favourite along with Snape) with Luna Lovegood.

I think Hermione would have been happier as a lesbian; perhaps with somebody from Ravenclaw? Nice as Ron is, he's just one of the boys.

Interesting thread. Grin

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AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2021 13:46

Sandy and Danny - she would discover feminism at college and dump him for being a rapey bastard

Truth

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HazelBite · 08/04/2021 13:46

I bet Harry and Sally were happy ever after though!

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AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2021 13:47

@DioneTheDiabolist

She pretended to her family she was dead and picked up Jack’s surname. How did she amass any wealth?

By meeting and hurriedly marrying men, then pushing them to their death and inheriting all their money. After killing Jack, the others were easy.

bahahahahaha Grin I want to see that sequel
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SmidgenofaPigeon · 08/04/2021 13:48

What do we think about Lizzy Bennet and Mr Darcey? I’m torn.

Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant from Notting Hill. Anna Scott I think it was, don’t remember who Hugh played. She’d have ended up finding him boring and missed being the centre of the universe.

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Igotfiveonit · 08/04/2021 13:50

I know you’re trying to be funny OP but that whole Harry Potter Nike AirMax made me cringe. It’s a bit try hard.

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ScarfaceCwaw · 08/04/2021 13:53

I'm generally a romantic cynic, but I have to believe in Darcy and Lizzy, improbable though they are Grin Austen was no starry-eyed type about love, and in any case it's not like they could have split up, so I choose to believe that they probably had occasional all-out fights but really did bring out the best in each other.

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Profiterolegirl · 08/04/2021 13:54

Rose didn't even make much of an attempt to move over. I'd have got Jack on that big mirror.

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