to want some witty put-downs

[CheekyBastardPostman]

For the past year or so, the postman has been making comments to me whenever he has to knock on the door to deliver a parcel. It started with comments about whether I was still in my pyjamas or not, either “not getting dressed today then?” if I was still in them, or “Oh I see you’re not wearing your pyjamas today” if I was dressed by the time he turned up.

One day he asked if I ever leave the house – I wfh, and have done so for years, so yes I do leave the house, but not generally when I’m working.

Recently he made a comment about me being indoors, I said I was busy working, he said “your job isn’t a real job”. The job that required a postgrad, keeps me busy and pays enough for a nice life.

On Saturday I was walking through town with DH, walked past the postman on his rounds, who said “Wow, you’re not in your pyjamas AND you’re out of the house! It must be a bank holiday special! And you don’t have to pretend to work today!”, which I just ignored.

I told DH I’m just not going to answer the door from now on, he can just leave parcels outside, but DH said that was daft and I can’t not open the door to my own house just in case it’s the postman.

I’m sure the postman thinks this is all just fun banter, but it’s starting to really piss me off. I’d love to come up with a way to shut it all down, some great one-liner put-downs to each of these three topics that he keeps recycling, wearing pyjamas, being at home/work, having a real job, but I am drawing a blank.

Witty acerbic MNers, give me everything you’ve got

A couple of options:

1. I’m not sure if you realise this but I find your comments upsetting. (Very serious face)

2. did you mean to be so rude? (I know it’s an MN cliche but I’ve used it in real life once and it was amazingly effective)

3. what do you mean? No I don’t get it, what do you mean? Explain the joke (etc) (blank stare)

I would definitely be complaining to his superiors, I'm sure you're not the only woman he abuses on his rounds.

I find a stony faced silence usually stops a man making twatty comments in his tracks.

"you are boring me now" deadpan expression take your post shut the door.

Oh good luck playing with the traffic

That's so funny I forgot to laugh

You sound like a record player, same old jokes every day!

Jesus, he sounds nice
My old postman always used to come early and say 'alright flower? You look nice today!' I was always in my dressing gown, usually holding a baby and I looked like shit! Matted hair in a bun, probably make-up smudges down my eyes etc and the older kids breakfast all over me 😂 I just used to smile and say thanks (I'm really shy). Our new postman is older and nice. If he comes and I'm outside having a cig, he always asks if it's a good book I'm reading, and tells me how much he misses his daughter who always reads.
He would never say anything like that if he saw me out, it's just so rude. My dad used to be a post man, when I was younger id walk with him, that's not very nice

How about a sign: "Postman, please ring doorbell and leave parcels on the step. Thanks." Then just don't answer the door.

We are talking sexual harassment here, not just snippy remarks.

There are two ways you can go. I prefer #2

#1 next time he calls DH or "big mate" opens door. "Look mate, if you say another work out of place to my wife Im gonna kick your fuckin head in! OK?"

#2 Make a formal complaint to Royal Mail CEO executive team, citing incidents and how it makes you feel.

[email protected]

Be polite. Try to say something good about the company before you express your disappointment to it. It's a great way to get your reader on side.

Stick to the facts. Try not to let any emotion or judgment spill out. However it is acceptable to let the reader know how this treatment made you feel. Include a brief history of the issue/s. Shorter is better. Keep the information concise and to the point.

Your address and delivery times should identify the individual concerned in case you have multiple post people.

Dont accept simply being passed back to customer services. State what outcome you would like. For example, the employee given further training in how to interact with customers, a warning or transferred to another round.

#2 may well result in a formal written warning or other disciplinery measures if there have been complaints from others. Dont feel bad about it. There are plenty of folks looking for a job now who are able to treat their client group in a respectful and civil manner.

He delivered something one day last week and it was fine, I just said "Morning, thank you" and shut the door. Thought it was sorted.

But he's just been, I was on the phone to a client, and because it was a parcel of booze from Amazon, he whispered "Are you having a party?". I said "Yeah, we can have 6 of us in the garden now," and he replied "Well it's either that or you've got a problem" with a raised eyebrow. I said "No, it's definitely a party," shut the door and got back to my client. I'm so annoyed that he thought it was okay to suggest I'm an alcoholic, to talk to me while I'm on the phone, and I'm most annoyed at myself for answering him rather than just gesturing to make it clear I was on the phone

I think you said a while back you didn’t want to complain but he’s clearly trying to insult you and he’s not stopping. So my view would be to firmly just tell him it’s not professional and if he carries on consider raising a complaint.

Open it naked, say 'oh sorry I was expecting my next client... unless you're him?'

Tell him yes it's six but their are only five of you but he can come. Say he need not worry for if things get boring ,fore you have wine.

You're over engaging OP. Try:
Him: You having a party?
You: Yes.
Him: Or you have a problem...
You: I don't. Thank you.

People like this tend to be oblivious to your obvious discomfort/lack of appreciation at his “banter”.

I would just tell him straight faced: “Look, that wasn’t funny first time round and it’s still not. Just get on with your job or I’ll report you.”

Just say "what's it got to do with you?" to everything. Absolutely everything. Repeat until you're blue in the face. Never deviate. NEVER!!

Just say pack it up or I'll have the letter box put at the bottom of the door!
Or
Go the full Hyacinth.
Morning Postman. Did you gel your hands before touching my parcel.?
I will not have you spreading the virus door to door.
And no junk mail please I won't have circulars dropped on my pure wool Axminster.
Are you washing your uniform regularly?
I don't want grubby postmen lowering the tone of the neighbourhood.
With any luck he'll be so worried about the barrage he'll knock and run.

Ah OP you gave him too much!

‘Are you having a party?’

‘Nope, bye’

That’s it!

These are brilliant, and I totally agree about putting him in his place. However I'd be really worried about something happening to my mail, so I would make your point firmly and calmly, but without lowering yourself to his level or using some of the more feisty ripostes on here!

I wouldn't engage.
Hold out hand for parcel. Say thanks, shut door.

My husband is a postman, no one he works with would ever dream fo being like this. Honestly I would complain about this man. This is 'banter'. It's rude and unprofessional.

@VeganVeal

'My job is ok, it pays the bills better then walking the streets' 'I admire you, out in all weathers and for such low pay as well'

Postmen aren't on 'low pay'. How fucking snobby are you!?

@KnottedFern

My husband is a postman, no one he works with would ever dream fo being like this. Honestly I would complain about this man. This is 'banter'. It's rude and unprofessional.

This ISNT banter that should say.

@AlbusSeverusMalfoy

Open it naked, say 'oh sorry I was expecting my next client... unless you're him?'

I'm definitely NOT doing this. Don't want to encourage anything at all

I told DH what happened this morning, he's livid and wants to say something, but I think I should at least try to fight my own battles first, and tell the postman to stop being unprofessional. Then if nothing changes DH can step in.

I answered the door in my dressing gown to a new post man, not getting dressed today? Me (up all night with vomiting child had just managed a shower after being covered in vomiting again) snapped just be grateful ive got my knickers on slammed the door he changed routes I probably would have said sorry but I didn't