to want some witty put-downs

[CheekyBastardPostman]

For the past year or so, the postman has been making comments to me whenever he has to knock on the door to deliver a parcel. It started with comments about whether I was still in my pyjamas or not, either “not getting dressed today then?” if I was still in them, or “Oh I see you’re not wearing your pyjamas today” if I was dressed by the time he turned up.

One day he asked if I ever leave the house – I wfh, and have done so for years, so yes I do leave the house, but not generally when I’m working.

Recently he made a comment about me being indoors, I said I was busy working, he said “your job isn’t a real job”. The job that required a postgrad, keeps me busy and pays enough for a nice life.

On Saturday I was walking through town with DH, walked past the postman on his rounds, who said “Wow, you’re not in your pyjamas AND you’re out of the house! It must be a bank holiday special! And you don’t have to pretend to work today!”, which I just ignored.

I told DH I’m just not going to answer the door from now on, he can just leave parcels outside, but DH said that was daft and I can’t not open the door to my own house just in case it’s the postman.

I’m sure the postman thinks this is all just fun banter, but it’s starting to really piss me off. I’d love to come up with a way to shut it all down, some great one-liner put-downs to each of these three topics that he keeps recycling, wearing pyjamas, being at home/work, having a real job, but I am drawing a blank.

Witty acerbic MNers, give me everything you’ve got

I'd actually raise it with the post office. I bet you're not the only one with this complaint.

Exactly what you said in your OP actually, about your job. Or any of the above, followed by 'now off you fuck, cuntychops', which a poster wrote on a thread once and is my absolute favourite!

Why not just be done with it and spit on him after all he is just 'the help'! The snobbery in these responses is ghastly.

Crikey, are you drunk?

@Plumedenom

Ultra formal and polite is the way to go. "Good morning. Tight smile. Thanks, goodbye." Set the standard, you're not his mate or his girlfriend. Channel headmistress.

I agree with this.

The trouble with looking for witty putdowns is that it will come across as banter. You'll just reinforce his idea that he's been engaging in witty banter this whole time, and now you're reciprocating.

Don't go down that path if you want it to stop.

And don't feel that you need to answer the door to him, either.

I would not respond at all. Take parcel, blank stare, shut door. At this point I wouldn’t even bother with thank you as he isn’t bothering with politeness, so why should you?

Or just complain to his sorting office? He’s being unprofessional, commenting on your job and appearance, posties have codes of conduct too, including being ‘helpful and courteous’ (p12) - www.myroyalmail.com/sites/default/files/document_library/Our%20Code%202012_ONLINE.pdf

I've given up with smart remarks now and just counter with things like, "Ok then", "If you say so", or "Oh dear" as it doesn't give them any real comeback that way.

I really wouldn't bother with trying to find a witty comeback I suspect he will be encouraged by it. I'd simply tell him to keep his opinions to himself because you find his running commentary on your life incredibly rude.

I'm not a snob by any means. But I get fed up with people thinking they have a right to comment, and us as women seen as 'having to be nice', and be understanding and kind and not say that actually, these comments are not okay. And they're not. They're rude and intrusive. And OP has every right to tell him so.

I’d likely reply to any reference to my work with ‘Gotta be grateful to have any job these days, don’t we? Never know which day’ll be the last one, hey? So often it’s one stupid comment and you’re gone.’ Big smile.

Of course, I’d see his idiocy as sport. Another, more mature, person might choose to always answer the door with their phone to their ear on a clearly ‘important client’ call. Every time. Distracted half-smile, as if to a passing toddler.

I really think that any snappy response is going to come across as rehearsed, and if he’s trying to annoy you, he’ll know he’s being successful. Don’t give him the satisfaction; (polite) grey rock all the way.

Even if he’s not being deliberately antagonistic, you want his behaviour to stop, so hold back your retorts and give him minimal interaction.

We have one of those. Our usual postie is lovely, friendly but non intrusive. His holiday cover, not so much.

After a week I responded with "Just stop. You are annoying me"

He did the "Wooh! It's only friendly chat" reply and got "It isn't, I am not, just stop" back.

Usual postie returned and asked me and next door which one of us it was that had put cover postie in his place - turned out we both had

It's exhausting being told to smile, make a jolly reply etc. I am busy, fuck off!

Take a photo of him. When he asks why just say "I want to make sure they sack the right postie when I email my complaint against you...unless, of course, you stop with the comments" Smile and close the door.

I'm a bit puzzled why you even need to open the door to anyone at the moment. For the last year, our standard procedure is to call through the door 'who is it please', and if it's a delivery then say 'just leave it on the step please', and then get the item once the deliverer has moved away from the door. Most of them are very happy not to waste time, and then just have 'thank you' called out.

Most likely I’d just tell him to fuck off/get fucked and slam the door 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't reply I'd make him feel as awkward as possible. Whenever I've had to deal with male 'banter' I just blankly stare and say nothing at all until the silence becomes so awkward for them. He's nothing to you his opinion counts for nothing.

I agree the witty banter approach will maybe just encourage him to think of other things to say to you. I'd be inclined to reply something like "Sorry, I'm in the middle of an important call now. Is that everything?" Then just shut the door.

@Okbye

Most likely I’d just tell him to fuck off/get fucked and slam the door 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would avoid that. I'd imagine that - quite rightly - posties may be able to refuse to deliver to households where they receive abuse. Don't put yourself in the wrong.

They leave post on the step, knock, step back. I open the door, say thanks, pick up the post and close the door. Just like everyone does when the post doesn't fit though the letterbox. I work from home, it happens a lot.

I don't need to ask through the dor as we have a clear ane of glass to look through.

Dfferent doors, different procedures, I suppose!

Errol that's not the case here. If it's a signed for parcel that'll fit through, they post it but I certainly open the door if they knock. They're usually stood back, sometimes hand me it at real arms length and I take it at my arms length too. I'm not shielding so I follow their lead, makes no odds to me.

My house/door also fronts right onto a road, like hell I'm leaving a parcel unattended for even a minute.

This is highly annoying. What an odd little
Twat he sounds. Definitely has small man syndrome

I feel so lucky to have never seen the same postie twice. Diff person every day

I’d just tut, roll my eyes and close the door.

I'm not going to be complaining about him, nor am I going to respond with anything snobby/superior/pay-related. And much as I'd like to, I'm not going to tell him to fuck off. I also take the points made about my witty retorts adding fuel to the banter fire.

I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, so that might explain why he recognised me out and about.

I truly value the work that the postal service, he and his colleagues have been a lifeline over the past year, delivering all sorts of things. I just don't want the 'hilarious' comments about my job etc. He knows what job I do, he delivers business post to me and the business name makes it clear. I think minimal interaction and pretending to be on the phone might be the way forward.

Combinations of 'well aren't you sharp eyed' 'don't you have eagle eyes' 'oooh that's a bit pervy- I hope your wife doesn't know how much you look at other women' and laugh like it's the best joke.