Snapchat for 7 year old?

[M24L]

My DD 7 had a sleepover with her cousin who is 12 and has Snapchat, my DD asked if she could also have Snapchat I responded with no as 7 is far too young but after DD discussing with her dad (DH) she stated she would add only her cousin and no one else her dad said it would be OK.

Now DD hadn't downloaded Snapchat but has went for a sleepover with said cousin, I said to DD before dropping her off that she could set up Snapchat when back home so that myself or DH could have access to passwords etc and have control of the account, I have an app on my phone that controls everything DD does and it has just notified me that she has downloaded and set up Snapchat with her cousin behind my back.

I have blocked the app on her phone for the time being and I spoke with DD to find out why she went behind my back to do this only to be told that it was her cousin who set it up and her cousin has added other cousins and said cousins friend.

I am absolutely livid with this. AIBU to have blocked the app on her phone? I honestly think 7 is far too young for such an app and the fact now that they have went and added more than first stated just goes to show me that there is no trust that it would remain only her cousin.

DH is sleeping at the moment so I'm now lying here feeling guilty that DD isn't "down with the cool kids" but also angry that I've been disobeyed and I have noone to talk to about it.

YABU - it's only her cousins she's added and you can get all details etc to keep and eye on it when she's home.

YANBU - She's 7 and far too young for Snapchat, they shouldn't have done it behind your back.

The cool kids are too young to have any of this stuff let alone your 7 year old. She has no need for a smart phone. It's not just the apparently uncontrolled access to the internet that's a problem, but the fact that she is learning the quick satisfaction of playing those games without the ability to understand the way those games function. A child's developing brain will become more dependent on instant gratification through that and they will struggle to manage difficult instincts (boredom) and emotions (anxiety) without it. She needs to learn to sit with boredom or to seek activities which don't provide such fast gratification such as reading, play activities etc.

Too young for Snapchat and too young for a phone.

It's really not rocket science.

@M24L

7 can be too young for a phone although I have full control over her phone which enables her the trust of having a phone but I can also see exactly what she does on it. So far she has been very good with it and abided by every rule up until today.

This is crazy. She's too young for all this. You should be a responsible parent and remove the phone from her. She's only 7.

@M24L

The phone was bought as a present for DD to be able to keep in contact with DH when working away, yes she could have used my phone which she was doing at the start but we trusted her enough to allow her the contact between her and dad on her own phone. As stated above I have great control over the phone but let my guard down slightly when I allowed any free app to be downloaded.

The idea of DD having Snapchat was definitely a no no for me, DH said yes to her but after speaking with him this morning he has said that he wasn't aware of the type of app it was and thought that it would be OK for DD to stay in contact with her cousin via this (neither of us have Facebook or any other social media platform) but now it's been explained he has also said it should not be happening and he's glad that I have blocked the app on her phone.

The "sleepovers" are not a regular thing this is the first time it's happend in a long time and now completely understanding that the cousin has grown up quite a bit since the last time DD stayed over she has just started to become allowed social media etc. I will be speaking with DD when she comes home and explaining that Snapchat is 100% a no go and the app will be remaining blocked on her phone.

You and your husband need to get on the same page ASAP because this mum says no ask dad behaviour will only get worse

I'm thinking of the 7 year olds I know and am absolutely staggered at the thought of them having their own smartphone.

What worries me yet more is that you and your DH don't have social media and are clearly extremely naive about it. Why on earth would your DH agree to her having an app that he knows nothing about?? Surely at the very very least (when she's of an appropriate age) you'd read up on it and/or download it yourself first to see what the deal is, what she's likely to be exposed to etc.

Absolute Madness.

Are you in the UK? I'm confused she's having sleepovers in a lockdown.

Teacher here. Far too young for a smartphone no matter what restrictions/tracking you have on it and definitely too young for social media which is all 13+. Take the phone off her and consider giving it back when she's in year 6.

I agree. I'm horrified you've given a 7 year old a smartphone. She should be reading and baking and playing with dolls at that age, not snap-chatting or even playing games on it tbh.

Also how is she allowed to be going on sleepovers unless you're not in the uk?

Seven is too young to have a phone, and this is precisely why. Everything you would use a phone for is too difficult or inappropriate for a seven year old to navigate. You are setting yourself up for a slippery slope if rules and regulations that she is too young for. And as you can see, even if you think you have strict controls, they can lapse, and this is what happens when they do. Give the phone back to her when she starts secondary school.

After you give her a row for going behind your back & disobeying you....take her phone and give her it back when she starts secondary school!

If in UK how are you managing a sleepover? My SC is desperate for one are they allowed?

7 too young for a phone.

Shes too young for a phone especially one where she can download /set up first and you have to block then.
My 10yrs old has a phone and whenever she wants to download something it requires my or my husband's permission (via our phone). She cannot physically by pass this without the parental code (and her working out the code and using it would be the last thing she'd do on her phone for a long time).
She wouldn't have a phone if we had a more standard family set up, but with her baby sister often in hospital, most of her family abroad in various countries etc a phone has helped her massively.
I wouldn't have given her one at 7yrs old and my nearly 7yrs old is v sensible but far too young to be trusted with a phone.

Take the phone away. Let her have it to chat to her dad when he’s away, then take it away again.

A good 90% of posters are warning you that your 7 year old having a smartphone is increasing lots of risks, including her safety.., and you’re not batting an eyelid at the fact you’re jeopardising your daughters safety. I just can’t fathom.

If she uses it to contact dad while he’s away, allow her to use it.. supervised.. while he’s away, to contact dad.

In a sense, you’ve already proven that you do not have control of the phone situation, it was brought as a gift to contact dad, which has slipped into downloading apps ect, and now going against your wishes and rules to download and set up a very open app that people can add you from by chance of username, or being nearby if the location is on. She doesn’t need to accept people to receive images either..

It’s a slippery slope and like you said, you let your guard down this time and thankfully it was just a case of blocking an app.

But what happens when you let your guard down next time? I’ll you catch her before or after she’s been groomed?

I’m a secondary school teacher. In all honesty I put a lot of mental heath issues down to social media and tech too young. Even teenagers haven’t the emotional intelligence to use social media properly. They don’t understand the nuances of language and it often ends up with a lot of unnecessary conflict. Also they don’t switch off. Too much screen time affects body rhythms. My own children are 9 and 6. They don’t own devices and neither feel left out by their peers.

I agree with everyone so far! ⬆️

I also think there needs to be a conversation with your niece's parents - she's clearly co-erced your daughter into doing something you'd expressly forbidden.

Absolutely insane that a 7 year old has her own mobile phone. And then you're shocked when these shenanigans occur?!

Your 7 year old won't be able to manage suggestions from a 12 year old. Don't be too harsh with her. The 12 yo will have probably meant well and your DD may have seen her cousin like an adult. If cousin says yes then its fine. A 5 year age gap is huge at that age. Your dd isn't ready for secondary school stuff and her cousin will inevitably introduce her to it if these sleepovers continue. This is just the start. You can't blame your dd for this. Please don't. She is very young and her reasoning won't be very developed. Give her a phone to make a supervised call. I was in the room when my dd age 7 did that. Best way.

And also....how are you having sleepovers? Lockdown rules don't allow those yet in the UK.

Going against the grain a bit here. My 8 year old ds has my old iPad to use. It’s wifi enabled and set up so she can iMessage or FaceTime contacts. It’s been a godsend during lockdown for virtual play dates. There are strict controls so she can’t download anything and she’s not allowed to contact anyone not added by us (would get removed if she tries but she hasn’t so far!)
I don’t let her have Snapchat or any similar app for that matter but she’s allowed to take selfies under supervision on my phone then I iMessage them to her so she can show her friends. They like messenger for conversations but I will only allow this on my phone so I can keep tabs on it
I get why a 7 year old would be begging for Snapchat. My daughter’s group of friends all seem to have a similar set up to us. It is heavily supervised and she also has time limits on use but covid has meant we’ve let her use it more than we thought we would just so she can still have some normality with her friends.

That should say dd

Phone access makes children of different ages socialising together so difficult. Even when children are the same age it causes issues.

I have an 8yo DD and I would definitely discourage her having a friendship with a 7yo that has their own smartphone. Simply because I wouldn't trust their parents' judgement.

I wouldn't allow my DD at their house to do goodness knows what with an unsupervised phone and I wouldn't want the hassle of having them at my house and being responsible for it.

I know these issues will come up end of primary/ early secondary age, but 7 is ridiculously young.

It's not your DD's fault, she was put in a situation that was way beyond her years.

Whilst I agree 7 is too young for a phone that's neither here nor there.

There was a rule, she broke it, she has her phone taken away until she can follow the rules.

You don’t have control over that phone OP, you’re deluding yourself. You’ve also made the mistake of setting boundaries and the braking them yourself - there were parental controls, then you relaxed them, she can’t have Snapchat, then she can. No wonder she’s trampling all over the boundaries.

The phone needs to go, she’s shown she can’t be trusted and there’s a real danger of something bad happening here. Get her an iPad for games instead. Set up family sharing and disable anything that might cause an issue on the actual device and stick to it. And no means no.

Way too young to have a phone and definitely definitely too young for Snapchat. God help us, I'm scared to bring up children to be honest

7 is far too young for a phone. She’s in what, year 2?! 3?? Half my year 5s still don’t have phones. There is literally no reason why she should need her own smartphone and if she needs to be in touch with her fad (why) I would get her a call/text only phone. She doesn’t need access to the internet and frankly you’re obviously not vetting what she’s doing properly.