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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder what people expect kids of teen mums to be like

85 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 17:12

Previous thread aside as that has been sorted. It interested me that people were almost jumping on me because my son who is 14 ( I had when I was 15 )

Plays rugby and water sports including polo and sailing.

I literally pay no more than 50.00 a month for this and a few times a year uniform etc.

Surely this is no difference than say a 29 year old ( how old I am now ) paying 50.00 a month for their 4 year old to ballet ?

Why can’t he play rugby etc because I was going when I had him.

I am not angry about it etc I am just a tad curious . I am 29 now it’s not like I stayed 15 ?

OP posts:
maxineputyourredshoeson · 05/04/2021 18:03

My mum was a teen mum, had me and my brother within 13mths and by the time she was 18.

Yes, we lived in a council house, she was married to my dad but they divorced. She worked 4 jobs to afford stuff for us. I went skiing on a school trip and a another to see the Beyeaux Tapestry. My brother played both rugby (including outside of school) and football. My plan was to go to university to become a social worker (if I had achieved the A* I had been predicted in my GCSE’s) but my brother died - nothing to do with my mum being a teen mum - literally just before I sat my GCSE’s so that stopped me from going.

Unfortunately my mum has had serious MH issues my whole life, even attempting suicide before having me. I have seen things that most adults should never see let alone a child. After my brother died she attempted suicide 15 times in 12mths - she was admitted to ICU and I was taken to say goodbye on most of those occasions, she was sectioned and not once did social services get involved.

I absolutely adore my mum but unfortunately, it’s heartbreaking for me to say, she should never of had children but that is nothing to do with having us in her teens.

I’m now in my 40’s with 2 DC - that I didn’t have until my 30’s and she is an amazing grandmother to them.

toocold54 · 05/04/2021 18:03

Yes I meant how did you find a decent salary job from when you started working as I went to college and uni so didn’t have as much money which meant that my DD was older when I could start affording things.
How did you manage to raise a baby from 14 with no job?

Grilledaubergines · 05/04/2021 18:03

Sadly a great many have lower expectations of children born to teenage parents. Same as they do with single parents. Society likes to keep people in their place.

toocold54 · 05/04/2021 18:05

There's a big misconception that children of teen parents will be fed shit and sugar, get sat in front of TVs all day and be illiterate.

I agree.

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 05/04/2021 18:05

[quote Troublewaters2021]@BathshebaKnickerStickers the sailing is at the outdoor they have lots there like archery to but they tend to do the water elements of it.[/quote]
So is horsey polo rather than water polo???

Water polo is pretty middle class, but horsey polo is a whole different ball game

Millymomooo · 05/04/2021 18:06

I’m an older mum ( not that has anything to do with things) and I have saw plenty teenage young parents and haven’t thought twice about them. I’m not getting this post at all.

picklemewalnuts · 05/04/2021 18:06

There's a centre near me that does holiday clubs, activity days etc. They do all sorts of great, varied activities. Mine would never go!

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 05/04/2021 18:07

There has just been a question on House Of Games about Water Polo...!

folloyourarro · 05/04/2021 18:10

I was a young mum and I always remember talking about our house move and being asked (very innocently, I don't think she was meaning to be rude) something about the council and benefits assuming it was social housing and we were getting support. She was 10+ years older than me, and to be fair in a much better position to be having a child 😂 but I live in a much nicer house than her now Wink people make assumptions, I do it too, but I secretly love seeing the surprise on people's faces when they hear about my life, it is against the grain, I accept that.

GCSEmum2024 · 05/04/2021 18:10

@Grilledaubergines

Sadly a great many have lower expectations of children born to teenage parents. Same as they do with single parents. Society likes to keep people in their place.
I have definitely found this. It takes hard skin to get past it- I'm a master at pretending not to notice things.

What I would say is proving people wrong is very satisfying.

I have a much younger DD and the experience of being a mum 10 years older, with a good job and nice house (none of which I had 10 years ago- the first 6 years of DD1's life was tough and I hope she can't remember some of it) is completely differently. I would love to do some volunteering with teen mums in communities where opportunities aren't as forthcoming but I'm mindful that it may feel 'preachy' and that a lot of our 'success' is due to parental help (childcare and house deposit), luck (2 promotions that fell into my lap) and sheer determination- some people aspire to different things and that's OK too!

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 18:12

@toocold54 I work in the tv/movie industry as a stylist as well some theatre work / model work.

Me and ds lived with parents until
I was 17.

OP posts:
GCSEmum2024 · 05/04/2021 18:12

Horsey polo is very posh by the way. Water polo must be quite posh because my DD didn't know what it was then just asked me "how deep does the pool go for the horses" Grin

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 18:13

@GCSEmum2024 sounds similar !
On here though it’s impossible.

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 05/04/2021 18:16

I think the assumption might be that teen mums come from low income and low aspiration households themselves and therefore don't have the income or drive to give their children access to those sorts of hobbies.

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 05/04/2021 18:19

I think teen parents are very self conscious of other peoples opinions in general. Most are actually very good parents because they have more energy to do fun things with their kids. Old mums like me are more relaxed but tiredGrin

I was 19 when I had my eldest and 46 when I had my youngest. What I have learnt is it is like comparing apples and oranges. Positives and negatives with both. Just do whatever you feel is best for your children. Definitely never worry about anyone elses opinions on your parenting etc

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 05/04/2021 18:19

@GCSEmum2024

Horsey polo is very posh by the way. Water polo must be quite posh because my DD didn't know what it was then just asked me "how deep does the pool go for the horses" Grin
😂 Fantastic
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 05/04/2021 18:21

@GCSEmum2024

Horsey polo is very posh by the way. Water polo must be quite posh because my DD didn't know what it was then just asked me "how deep does the pool go for the horses" Grin
2 meters....the horses can’t touch the bottom...!
Winterwoollies · 05/04/2021 18:26

I remember some of your threads, OP. Aren’t you a make up artist and you’re earning well now? I remember you saying you earnt a lot more than your other half and sent your kids to private school. It’s good when people smash stereotypes. It works to reduce the judgement in others.

Maybe83 · 05/04/2021 18:29

I was a teen mum and had another child in my late 20s when married. It was like night and day how people treated me. The experience during pregnancy and delivery only being the start of it.

I also ended up a single mother to my oldest. I continued my education went into full time employment giving up benefits. People were so surprised when my dd was little that I worked full time in a good job and had my own car. I was always the youngest mother at her extra circular activities and was regularly referred to as her sister and definitely experienced surprise that she was taking part in them. Like a pat on the head wasn't I such a good mam to bring her.

I experienced so much condescending bullshit. She has finished school and her first year in college soon. People still seem surprised even though I am in my late 30s married with a good job and a home owner.

I would say I knew alot of other teen mams when I had dd. The outcome for our lives and the children has been varied but I suppose that's life in general.

toocold54 · 05/04/2021 18:30

What I would say is proving people wrong is very satisfying.

I agree.
I actually think if I hadn’t had my DD young then I wouldn’t be very successful and probably ended up in a very bad situation which was where my life was heading but having those prejudices against me spurred me on to prove everyone wrong.

toocold54 · 05/04/2021 18:31

I work in the tv/movie industry as a stylist as well some theatre work / model work.

That sounds great!

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 18:34

@toocold54 yes I am very lucky and I do have a great family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 18:35

I would defo not say I was a rags to riches story more a rich to rags to riches story 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 18:38

I also wouldn’t say that I have never made mistakes and the first few years up until my DD was born I didn’t always make the right choices mainly around their father. He was much older than me and it took me a long time to realise that sort of person he was and for my family to “ get “ me back.

OP posts:
TheJerkStore · 05/04/2021 18:40

There's a big misconception that children of teen parents will be fed shit and sugar, get sat in front of TVs all day and be illiterate.

Absolutely. I'm a university academic with a PhD and people are incredulous when they find out my parents had me when they were 16.

I really loved having young parents. Unfortunately my mum is no longer with us but we're we're like sisters when I was in my teens /early 20s.