AIBU to wonder what people expect kids of teen mums to be like

[Troublewaters2021]

Previous thread aside as that has been sorted. It interested me that people were almost jumping on me because my son who is 14 ( I had when I was 15 )

Plays rugby and water sports including polo and sailing.

I literally pay no more than 50.00 a month for this and a few times a year uniform etc.

Surely this is no difference than say a 29 year old ( how old I am now ) paying 50.00 a month for their 4 year old to ballet ?

Why can’t he play rugby etc because I was going when I had him.

I am not angry about it etc I am just a tad curious . I am 29 now it’s not like I stayed 15 ?

Going - young. Sorry very little sleep.

Do we need to see the other thread because I am not really seeing what the problem is. Parents of all ages pay for their child's hobbies.

I don't understand. Did someone tell you your son shouldn't have hobbies because you had him at 15? Did they tell you why they thought that?

No not really - the other thread was about a trip but there was comment aimed at the fact it was like to them impossible he could play rugby etc just curious about why people would think that based on age.

They
Didn’t believe me because I was a young mum and my son did these things.

I don't think children of younger mothers are less athletic. Is that the point you're making?

Could this not have been discussed on the existing thread? I think all the details and background must be relevant?

I was asking if I was wrong to say no to him going away.
I am more curious about if there is a general consensus about children growing up with young mums more than the actual other thread.

People expect children of young mum's to have had fewer opportunities.

Those of us who had DC later, and perhaps more deliberately, agonised over how much it was going to cost, would we be able to afford x,y,z.

We found it tough financially when the DC were small.

I'd assume a young mum would find it even tougher.

Obviously everyone is different, young mums could have amazing family support (we didn't) etc.

Erm... I'm a bit confused but bottom line is polo and sailing normally require expensive equipment and rugby is "posher" than footie. So... I guess they're expecting you to to be on the breadline because you were a young (single?) mum?

I wouldn't expect anything in particular of a child based purely on their mum's age when she had them.
Deciding a child will be a certain way because their mum was young is as silly as assuming a child will be a certain way because their mum was 40 when they had them.

Posher than football ? Never really saw it like that before it was just something he got in to at school.

There was a lot of -quite deliberate- wilful misunderstanding of you on your original thread OP. It was almost like you could hear the wrinkly laughs and head tilts. How many times did you have to say you had said no to your son? It was perfectly clear about your age but clearly some pp chose to ignore that so I'd say that might be your answer to this thread the.

My sister was a teen mum and there was a lot of prejudice and assumptions made about her and how she would/did parent.

I would imagine the kids in general have less opportunity but everyone is individual. All I know is that I hope my kids don't have children young because in the whole both parent and the child miss out. I wouldn't want them to spend the best and most fun years of their lives with a baby. That's all I think but I wouldn't have any opinion on sports

I was a young mum albeit 20 not a teenager we lived in a council flat my dd was accused of stealing an encyclopaedia from school, it was her own that we bought her, I was livid and complained to the headteacher, anyway some people will judge you but they don't actually matter as long as you and your Son are happy and he enjoys his sport please ignore people and also try and fight your insecurity.

There’s a stereotype that people who had children had teenagers will generally have lower levels of education and lower incomes as adults. Statistically, that does play out, on the whole teenage parents do struggle to catch up in terms of education and employment prospects. You’re clearly an outlier, and prove that it’s not always the case.

If someone said to me that their DC’s hobbies were sailing and polo I’d assume they were a fairly well-off family because, having friends who sail and play polo, I know how expensive they are (no idea how you only pay £50 a month for those plus other hobbies, but well done.)

@Troublewaters2021

Posher than football ? Never really saw it like that before it was just something he got in to at school.

I've no idea where you live but my northern local schools didn't offer rugby unless you went private!

Didn’t see the thread so not really sure what you’re getting at. However, I had my son at 19 and he’s always had as many opportunities as I could afford. Rugby, football, after school club, trips, holidays. I don’t think he missed out by me being young, I even went to uni so I feel I set him a good example.

I always expect the children of teen mums to be well turned out because that’s been my experience of meeting them.

@ComtesseDeSpair the water sports / polo etc is a activities club like place where they basically hang out if that makes sense so he doesn’t have any of his own sailing equipment or things.
Rugby we pay a yearly membership and some term fees on top
It probably isn’t exactly 50.00 a month in total but he hasn’t got his own boat or anything 😂

Rugby is perceived as posher than football but all state secondary schools around here (south England) offer it as a sport.

I think it's either prejudice about "poor" teenage mothers or personal experience.
I have a cousin who had her daughter just after finishing school.
She stayed living with her parents with their help with childcare until she had finished her degree, started work and saved up enough of a deposit to buy her own house.
Her now teenage daughter has only had experience of living a middle class lifestyle and if she wasn't more likely to want to garden then do ballet could have done that at 4.
My friend on the other hand had her baby half way through college and no childcare/financial help from her parents.
She did buy her own home and her daughter never went without, but she struggled with money and lived in social housing for most of the child's life.
Statistically my friend's was the more common experience so the one people picture if they think teen mother.
Also those sports have an association of elitism in a lot of places. I had cousins with ponies growing up and if I mentioned them in school my friends thought they must be very posh.
They just lived on farms, very not posh

I mean I’m aware that I was judged as a teen mum, under no illusion but the disbelieve that he played rugby did surprise me.

I think some people thought you meant polo with horses which along with sailing could be considered hobbies for the rich. The idea that you could be a rich teen mum (even if it was 14 years ago that you gave birth) was beyond some people's comprehension.