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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder what people expect kids of teen mums to be like

85 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 17:12

Previous thread aside as that has been sorted. It interested me that people were almost jumping on me because my son who is 14 ( I had when I was 15 )

Plays rugby and water sports including polo and sailing.

I literally pay no more than 50.00 a month for this and a few times a year uniform etc.

Surely this is no difference than say a 29 year old ( how old I am now ) paying 50.00 a month for their 4 year old to ballet ?

Why can’t he play rugby etc because I was going when I had him.

I am not angry about it etc I am just a tad curious . I am 29 now it’s not like I stayed 15 ?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 05/04/2021 17:33

All the local secondaries offer rugby, my dh played in school and we are not "posh" Confused

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 17:33

Haha @M0rT funnily enough someone has asked me how many ponies he had - the answer would be none 😂

OP posts:
Grumpycatsmum · 05/04/2021 17:33

The only ones I know are in their twenties now. Mostly hyper responsible but some with less disposable income than older mum's.

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 17:35

Our local council leisure centre offers water polio

Fembot123 · 05/04/2021 17:35

I mean polo!

Herja · 05/04/2021 17:37

I wasn't a teen mum, just in my very early 20s.

Everyone seemed shocked to the core that I'd read up on pregnancy and birth. Had bought appropriate baby things. Later that I knew about bathing, changing, weaning. Later still that I was fine and dandy with school applications, paying for uniform and shoes. Even knew how to arrange and pay for extra curriculars. I mean, I even arranged for them to have dental and eye check ups! If I got that for being pregnant at 20, I can only imagine it is far, far worse for a teen parent. These examples are all things that others have shown genuine surprise at me understanding/arranging. The surprise coming from nursery, school, HCPs and strangers.

I tell/told myself that all it shows is they were/are such utterly useless tossers they can't imagine being capable at an age they were acting like a fucking fool still.

I think it comes down to many people being judgemental wankers. They presume people who don't do things like them must be failing (as their way is obviously the best way, or they'd not be doing it...) and are shocked when it's not the case.

Lexilooo · 05/04/2021 17:37

The son of a single teenage mother I know rides horses as a hobby (played football and cricket when younger but gave up to concentrate on horses). The daughter of a different single teenage mother I know enjoys art and scuba diving.

I'm not sure maternal age has much influence on hobbies.

GCSEmum2024 · 05/04/2021 17:38

Had DD1 at 19 (just). Grammar school, total book worm, polite and helpful,
sails with sea scouts.

It's almost certainly a reflection of the fact I didn't want to prove people right and be a stereotypical 'teen mum' so have pushed her towards middle class activities. I have been incredibly lucky to have stayed with her DF and my parents did a lot of childcare so we could finish studies and build careers. Not everyone has that.

I would be incredibly sad if one of my DD's was pregnant at 18, it's not been a fun life and I'm really looking forward to being 40 when I might start having fun!

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 17:39

I know I am very lucky to be financially stable mainly due to luck.
I just never saw rugby as a posh thing I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 17:41

@GCSEmum2024 she sounds wonderful :) well done.
My DS is 14 now he is fairly academic and just very athletic.
Probably could do with reading more though !

OP posts:
Ellpellwood · 05/04/2021 17:42

I did assume you meant sailing as in deck shoes and polo as in horses!

Yes I am aware lots of secondaries offer rugby union but it's rugby league where I'm from (Huddersfield Giants, Leeds Rhinos etc) and when I then went to Durham University the rugby lads were all from private schools.

Ellpellwood · 05/04/2021 17:43

*deck shoes and expensive costal sailing clubs

B33Fr33 · 05/04/2021 17:47

My teen mother was utterly awful, much like any group of people teenagers come in all sorts of tempremants. It DID encourage me to have A LOT of hobbies though. Rugby being a posh sport is a bit of an odd thought. But then the Brits have these truly odd obsessions with wealth, status and class. I guess they don't think you can be posh and a teen mum either Grin

GCSEmum2024 · 05/04/2021 17:48

@Troublewaters2021

I know I am very lucky to be financially stable mainly due to luck. I just never saw rugby as a posh thing I suppose.
Rugby is definitely 'posher' than football where I live. My DD spends a lot of time at the rugby club with her friend who's brother plays so I know a few of the families and they do tend to be married couples, nuclear families with two incomes, nice homes etc.

There's a difference playing at school in PE and playing for a team.

Anyway, crack on OP- life is about opportunities and there's absolutely nothing wrong with making sure our kids have opportunities we didn't have Grin

I did put my foot down on horse riding though as I prefer to eat more than beans on toast!

Ellpellwood · 05/04/2021 17:49

There are reasons for this. Rugby league and football became professional much earlier than rugby union, which for a long time rèmained a hobby for those who could afford to give up wages to commit to it.

SirusTheVirus · 05/04/2021 17:52

@gottakeeponmovin

I would imagine the kids in general have less opportunity but everyone is individual. All I know is that I hope my kids don't have children young because in the whole both parent and the child miss out. I wouldn't want them to spend the best and most fun years of their lives with a baby. That's all I think but I wouldn't have any opinion on sports
Rub your pearls to produce this gem did we Hmm
toocold54 · 05/04/2021 17:54

I was a teen when I had my DD and she hasn’t done as many things as other children simply because I didn’t have the money. I had to go to college and university and had low paid jobs. It is only recently that I’ve trained to become a teacher but including rent and bills it still doesn’t leave me much for hobbies. But someone older would have already had a secure job before having a child so usually has more money.

Reinventinganna · 05/04/2021 17:55

Are you saying that you are judged because he goes to an activity club and people assume he wouldn’t because you were a teen mum?

Can you link to the other thread?

Children play rugby from primary school here, I don’t understand how it is ‘posher than football’, they are running around chucking a ball in the mud. What is ‘posh’ about that?

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 05/04/2021 17:56

My DD played both rugby and water polo (I’ve read both threads and I don’t know if you have specifically said Water polo - water polo is a indoor thing and when someone says “water sports centre” I think sailing or canoeing rather than an aquatics centre for swimming and diving (and water polo....and octopush).

Where I live both are definitely middle class sports - dd was rare as she is not at private school.

There is an assumption that someone having a child at a young age wouldn’t be middle class - or may have started as middle class but would need to drop out of education etc.

You say you are now 29 with a career. I would assume that your child was probably brought up by your parents to allow you to go to university or to have paid your childcare.

I would also think that he would probably also have a child very young as that is how it tends to be...!

toocold54 · 05/04/2021 17:56

what job did you get at 14 that allowed you to be able to afford nice things? Did you not need to go to university?

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 17:59

@toocold54 huh ? I’m not 14 anymore though. I didn’t get my job at 14. I had him at 15 and worked from 16. I have now worked and training whilst working ( same field ) and quite good at it so in 13 years have managed to progress in the field.

OP posts:
Ellpellwood · 05/04/2021 18:00

@Reinventinganna

Are you saying that you are judged because he goes to an activity club and people assume he wouldn’t because you were a teen mum?

Can you link to the other thread?

Children play rugby from primary school here, I don’t understand how it is ‘posher than football’, they are running around chucking a ball in the mud. What is ‘posh’ about that?

I've just said. Rugby (union) wasn't professional until 1995. You could only afford to do it back in the early half of the century if you had the free time not afforded to the working class. In many working class areas the perception continues.
InvisibleDragon · 05/04/2021 18:01

My mum was young (21 though not a teen) and a single mother. There was definitely an expectation from some of my friends' parents that I wasn't supposed to be doing well at school or that I didn't deserve to be successful because they had done everything 'right' and my mum had not. There was also a bit of weird behaviour towards my mum, where they would treat her in a pitying way or expect her to be grateful to them. Very condescending.

tigerbread20 · 05/04/2021 18:02

I had my DS when I was 18, I've had many shocked reactions to people finding out my age (and putting 2 +2 together to work out my age when I had him). I get lots of comments and about how inspiring it is to see what a lovely boy he is considering his start in life or words to that effect Hmm
There's a big misconception that children of teen parents will be fed shit and sugar, get sat in front of TVs all day and be illiterate.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 05/04/2021 18:03

@BathshebaKnickerStickers the sailing is at the outdoor they have lots there like archery to but they tend to do the water elements of it.

OP posts: