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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law is a copycat.

143 replies

Loliie · 05/04/2021 09:50

Me and my partner moved into our first house over a year ago and we chose a lovely grey checked wallpaper for our feature wall in our livingroom. Everyone loved it except my MIL she hated it. But yesterday she sent us photos of her kitchen that has been freshly decorated with our exact wallpaper that she hated so much. Last year I bought myself new glasses and she said “they aren’t nice at all” and then she bought the same ones a few months later in a different colour. I’m unsure if she’s jealous or just a bitch

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 05/04/2021 10:41

Go onto the dulux website scan your room in and post lots of different versions of your room on Facebook? Its probably time for a change

Original poster
Loliie · 05/04/2021 10:45

@Bluntness100

I don’t think calling her a bitch is very pleasant to be honest. Her behaviour is odd, but I think yours is worse.
I think telling someone you hate their child’s name which is their first grandchild is a lot worse behaviour than being annoyed about this tbh. Weird
OP posts:
SisterAgatha · 05/04/2021 10:45

To those saying call her out on it - often I have done that with copy cats and it makes them worse. They’ll say “no I always said I liked it!” Or “I showed it to you first!” Or “remember when I said I wanted it and you copied me”

Just let it go OP and avoid.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 05/04/2021 10:45

To the PPs who think OP is the one being bitchy, do you think it's ok for someone to tell you they hate their son's name? Or wallpaper/glasses/whatever? I think that is hideously rude. Why does MIL get to speak to the OP like that and OP gets told to just be kind/rise above it/take it as a compliment?

Bluntness100 · 05/04/2021 10:45

I think telling someone you hate their child’s name which is their first grandchild is a lot worse behaviour than being annoyed about this tbh. Weird

Agree but it’s not a race to the bottom.

Original poster
Loliie · 05/04/2021 10:49

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

To the PPs who think OP is the one being bitchy, do you think it's ok for someone to tell you they hate their son's name? Or wallpaper/glasses/whatever? I think that is hideously rude. Why does MIL get to speak to the OP like that and OP gets told to just be kind/rise above it/take it as a compliment?
I agree, why is she allowed to make nasty comments to me and that’s fine but if I’m upset about it I’m immature or just have to deal with it
OP posts:
MissTT85 · 05/04/2021 10:53

My mother in law is similar, if I say I have a headache so does she, if I am going to buy by daughter something she gets in there before me. If I like something it will be her new obsession. She even said I had a Hypo the other day knowing I have gestational diabetes and she doesn't. The list goes on, it did used to bother me but now I realise it is her that has that 'I am not good enough going on' its her issue not mine.
I know it is annoying, you can either ask the question why do you keep doing that or just leave them to it and try not to let it bother you.

worriedatthemoment · 05/04/2021 10:57

It id annoying we have friends that copy us a lot on things we get and do
On holiday out for meals the wife asked me all the time what i was ordering and then copied so now I just day any random thing let them order first , then order mine.
People Say its a form of flattery and most of the time it doesn't bother me but there are times when it does.
Saying she disliked your sons name is rude and I would of pulled her up on it there and Then , in future if she is rude pull up the behaviour there and then .

Thewinterofdiscontent · 05/04/2021 10:58

Next time she says she hates something, do the tinkly laughter and say “oh you always say that....remember my grey wallpaper and my glasses” with a lighthearted shake of the head.

( follow with a steely glare when only she’s looking, if you want to make a firmer point).

HildegardNightingale · 05/04/2021 10:59

Why are people ignoring the rudeness from the mil to the OP?

mintybobs · 05/04/2021 11:00

I'd have some fun with this- start posting some outrageous things on facebook that you are going to buy (like- really hideous, tacky things) then watch and wait and laugh!

She's clearly a sad, passive aggressive person with no sense of her own identity so I'd give her whatever identity I chose and see how outrageous and how far I could push it!

Mummy2aAngel · 05/04/2021 11:01

Oh I know it's so petty! You feel petty even mentioning it no doubt? 😂 but I completely get it and been there! It's so frustrating! Not just that in my instance, it's millions of little things that eventually everything gets on your tits! You just can't believe the patheticness and games! I've come to the realisation, after years of my MIL and her strange ways & games! that I'll never understand her and she'll do what she does, just be content you have her sussed. Have piece of mind that she's a crack pot and not worth wasting your energy on! A few months back I had the joy of unloading 12 years of her games back at her and calling her out on everything shes done over the years, big stuff! Felt very good and I've decided and told her that I'll no longer be sparing my sons or her feelings because she certainly doesn't spare mine, going forward. I'll pull her up on it there and then and she knows it! The great thing is my husband sees her for what she is and she's played games with him too, so atleast I have his support.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 05/04/2021 11:06

Buy a very expensive, but hideous, coat or pair of shoes. Send her pictures of yourself wearing them. By the time she’s finished saying they make you look like an old hooker or whatever her latest insult is, you’ll have sent them back and she’ll have spent a fortune to make herself look shit.

Zilla1 · 05/04/2021 11:09

Sometimes familiarity precedes acceptance without being a copycat or a bitch. Back in the day, when a new car shape/design language used to emerge that is radically different (boxy to aerodynamic and back) or when women's fashion used to change to encourage buying, there are early adopters but arguably most people don't like it initially then adopt it over time. It's not always simple as people can only buy what manufacturers sell and manufacturers want to sell what they think people will buy.

Original poster
Loliie · 05/04/2021 11:09

@Mummy2aAngel

Oh I know it's so petty! You feel petty even mentioning it no doubt? 😂 but I completely get it and been there! It's so frustrating! Not just that in my instance, it's millions of little things that eventually everything gets on your tits! You just can't believe the patheticness and games! I've come to the realisation, after years of my MIL and her strange ways & games! that I'll never understand her and she'll do what she does, just be content you have her sussed. Have piece of mind that she's a crack pot and not worth wasting your energy on! A few months back I had the joy of unloading 12 years of her games back at her and calling her out on everything shes done over the years, big stuff! Felt very good and I've decided and told her that I'll no longer be sparing my sons or her feelings because she certainly doesn't spare mine, going forward. I'll pull her up on it there and then and she knows it! The great thing is my husband sees her for what she is and she's played games with him too, so atleast I have his support.
I do feel petty all of the time but it really gets on my nerves
OP posts:
overnightangel · 05/04/2021 11:10

Maybe she changed her mind over time.
Get a fucking life 😂

SmallPrawnEnergy · 05/04/2021 11:11

Your posts are dripping with contempt for this women. It’s not about the “copycat” behaviour is it? You’ve already drip fed the grandchild’s bame comment, what next? If you don’t like her and don’t get on with her, don’t engage with her, leave your partner to facilitate meetings with the gc and just ignore her.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 05/04/2021 11:11

Name*

Templetreebalm · 05/04/2021 11:11

I had a friend like this
Constant put downs but then copying.

In the end I realised that she had low self esteem .
She already feels below you Op if she is constantly trying to pull you down.

I ended up grey rocking her, very little detail about plans, ignoring any put downs, vague if she asked where things came from.
The friendship drifted and I moved away.

ancientgran · 05/04/2021 11:12

So it grew on her, not exactly a terrible offence. On the other hand maybe she liked it as a kitchen paper but not a feature wall.

PinkiOcelot · 05/04/2021 11:14

@Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady a ridiculous, pathetic sentence instead of 1 word 🙄🙄

PinkiOcelot · 05/04/2021 11:15

OP if you’d posted this tomorrow, you’d probably have gotten totally different answers.

mintybobs · 05/04/2021 11:15

@SmallPrawnEnergy

Your posts are dripping with contempt for this women. It’s not about the “copycat” behaviour is it? You’ve already drip fed the grandchild’s bame comment, what next? If you don’t like her and don’t get on with her, don’t engage with her, leave your partner to facilitate meetings with the gc and just ignore her.
I'd be contemptful too if someone was constantly making mean comments to me about my life choices.

Our actions have consequences and words have power. If you constantly criticise a family member then dont be all shocked when they react badly. Its pretty bloody obvious lol

Templetreebalm · 05/04/2021 11:16

@ancientgran

So it grew on her, not exactly a terrible offence. On the other hand maybe she liked it as a kitchen paper but not a feature wall.
It didnt grow on her ! She liked it all along and is " levelling" What the Op has, she must have. Its like a compulsion. In the MIL head, if the Op has something, the MIL feels inferior so she goes all out to get it, to make herself feel better.

Its way more than she changed her mind.
Op think about what level of contact you want, what you want her to know and have a suitable phrase for when she is rude.
She wont change .

ineedaholidaynow · 05/04/2021 11:20

if a friend/family member had new wallpaper and I didn't like it, I wouldn't be rude and make nasty comments about it. Who thinks that is ok?