Not need another person in my life with MH issues.

[noiremama]

Happy Easter everybody.

I'm going to give a back story.

I'm 30 all my life has been affected by mental health. My mother is bipolar, been hospitalised many times throughout my life and it's hard work. My father has schizophrenia. Sister is in and out of the priory for various issues, she is diagnosed Bipolar and autistic, and is currently in the Priory due to Anorexia.

Me and my 2 brothers are not really close due to the fact we spent most childhood in survival mode witnessing domestic violence and everything else that goes along with it, we live in different parts of the country now.

I still speak to my mother everyday due to the fact she's my mum.

Here is my Aibu

I have a friend I met through DH, let's call her Emma. Emma is dh friends wife. We see each other every year for meet ups. (My dh and her dh facilitate this) Well I recently just moved around the corner from Emma (3 mins walk) so we've been bumping into each other a lot in the local park and we actually get on quite well! My toddler loves her children and it's been nice.

We exchanged numbers and she will call if she's at the park to see if I'm around.
She started whatsapping general chit chat and what not.. then would get rude or tell me "she's not in the mood to text anymore bye"

When I saw her yesterday at the park I asked if everything is okay etc, she told me that she suffers with bipolar and she used to be a cocaine addict (I was not aware) so since finding out she's pregnant again she's having withdrawal symptoms (she was smoking at this point) and said she needs to smoke to stay calm in pregnancy.
From my own experience she was clearly on a low so I just offered my sympathies etc.

She's been whatsapping me all night saying how she doesn't want me to take offence if she acts up as it's her bipolar.

I really have not got the emotional capacity to deal with a friend like this, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and already have my mum and sister whom I cannot just ignore but I feel like I'm in a hard situation. If I back off and keep it casual just at the park she's going to go off at why I won't be her best friend (as she said she wanted me to be)

My husband thinks I should be more compassionate as I know how hard mental illness is, but I'm just fed up of it all tbh. I've had enough of it.

Am I being unreasonable to want to back off this friendship?

No, not at all IMO. You have enough to cope with.

My husband thinks I should be more compassionate as I know how hard mental illness is, but I'm just fed up of it all tbh. I've had enough of it.

Your husband needs to wind his neck in. You are under absolutely no obligation to be Emma's friend/pseudo therapist. Her emotional wellbeing is not your responsibility and you are being very wise to recognise your limits and boundaries. You simply don't have the bandwidth to deal with her issues and that is perfectly ok.

Nope, YANBU.

It's totally acceptable to put yourself first. Please don't feel guilty.

YANBU.

You don’t owe anyone a friendship.
Be kind to her and say hello when you see her but reasonably nobody can expect you to do more then that. It’s ok to have boundaries. It’s not your job to let others in your life at the expense of your own MH.

No you are not unreasonable. Keep her at arm’s length.

Bugger that! I'd find a different park. If your husband wants to be compassionate, let him take her on - or is this just A-level Wife Work?

Yadnbu.
Look after yourself and your baby 💐

Run a mile.
Your MH will suffer if you take anymore on.

Run , don't let other people's mental health break yours

You can’t pour from an empty cup - YANBU.

She wants you to be her best friend? This is not how adult friendships work - so I would guess that what she means is 'sounding board, unofficial therapist and caretaker of her mental health' and you definitely can't take on that position. Pull back.

No, you do not owe her anything other than polite small talk (if that really, but awkward to totally block due to your husband's friendship obviously). I also had a difficult family with mental health and cognitive issue. I don't have the emotional strength for anyone else anymore, and instantly back away from anyone who tries the whole 'you should be there for those who have MH issues/let me use you as an emotional doormat'. It seems harsh, but I simply do not have the capacity for it beyond my own loved ones.

Just look after yourself, you have more than enough going on.

Yanbu. You have enough on your plate.
It seems she would use her bipolar as an excuse for behaviour too.
She sounds needy and full on. Distance yourself.

I'm currently dealing with several people with poor mental health. There has to a boundary somewhere, as the metal gymnastics needed not to cause offence is tremendous. Be kind to yourself.

YANBU, not your problem. I'd put some distance between you (fairly easy to do as you're heavily pregnant and will soon have a newborn).

YANBU. At all.

Boundaries need to be in place ASAP.

YANBU at all!

I'm very sorry about your childhood op. I went through similar.

I am bipolar (and an ex Coke a addict) and it doesn't give me an excuse to be rude. I don't use my mental health condition as an excuse. If I am unwell , I tell people I am unwell and very often then withdraw until I am feeling better. Sure, I've had to apologise for my behaviour in the past but the key to managing mental health issues is being very self aware. That's a whole other kettle of fish.

I wouldn't want a friend like yours either. But I intentionally keep my circle small.

There comes a time when self-preservation takes over from being there for someone. You have had to deal with a lot, and I think it's fine to say that a relationship with her is just one too many hard people to have in your life.

She will have other friends without your load.

Also- her using her bipolar a number of times as justification for bad behaviour is a bit off. I have a couple of friends who are diagnosed with this and they never use it as an excuse for anything, let alone bad behaviour.

YANBU, OP. You are not everyone else's counsellor.

If your husband wants to 'be kind' he can take this burden on himself. It's too much, OP, the fact that she has said she wants you to be her best friend is a sign of how intense she is going to get, while expecting you to put up with bad behaviour. Just because you are already dealing with a lot doesn't mean other people should be able to add to your burden. Quite the opposite.

Why can't your husband start messaging and supporting her, if he's all about being kind and compassionate?

Oh, I forgot, that's a woman's job.

@Aquamarine1029

My husband thinks I should be more compassionate as I know how hard mental illness is, but I'm just fed up of it all tbh. I've had enough of it.

Your husband needs to wind his neck in. You are under absolutely no obligation to be Emma's friend/pseudo therapist. Her emotional wellbeing is not your responsibility and you are being very wise to recognise your limits and boundaries. You simply don't have the bandwidth to deal with her issues and that is perfectly ok.

this with bells on 🌸

You don’t owe her anything. Put yourself and your own mental well-being first for a change! Cool things off with her, if she kicks up a fuss so be it. She’ll soon get the message.