Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Interfering stranger.

92 replies

Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 05:17

Hi.
So I’m interested I am your opinions on what happened with me yesterday. My daughter who is nine years old and I were doing Parkrun which is 5 km. We do it most weeks so it is something that she is used to doing and enjoys. When we got to approximately 4 km into the run my daughter had slowed a little so I said encouragingly to her ‘ keep going... we’re nearly there.’ But then this woman who was a total stranger turned to my daughter and asked her if she was okay and said she can walk if she wants. My daughter said she was fine but then this stranger then turned to me and said ‘is she okay?’ In a rather aggressive way.
I answered that she was fine and then the stranger replied ‘ well she doesn’t look okay. Your drilling her too hard.’ She said it very rudely and as an attack at me and said it repeatedly.
I was so cross as my daughter was fine.... she was red faced and tired but most people are after running 4km. As I said my daughter does this run regularly.
All I had done was encourage my daughter to keep going and a complete stranger was very attacking this and my parenting..
I said again to her many times she’s fine and that she runs all the time.
She then again told me im pushing her too much and said she was trying to talk to my daughter not me so I should mind my own business!

I said she was my business... she’s my daughter and I’m not pushing her but encouraging her. I was getting cross by this point.

The whole incident really upset me as I love running with my daughter. I hadn’t in anyway shouted at her or drilled her yet I now feel so paranoid running with her. It was embarrassing as people were listening to our exchange and awful my daughter was witnessing and part of all this. I was simply encouraging her to keep going. Which I’d have thought most parents would do. She wasn’t keeling over or in any way looking in a bad way.
After the exchange my daughter and I upped the pace as we wanted to get away from her and my daughter sped up with ease.... she had actually been keen to get around the course quickly as there were Easter eggs at the end and she was worried they’d run out! Ha ha!

But as I said it’s upset me. I’ve never had my parenting questioned before and it shocked me so much. And seemed so inappropriate. I would hardly call taking your child for a run bad parenting! She doesn’t know my daughter and what she’s capable of. It was even a fast run - it was just a fun mother/ daughter run.

Would you guys be upset to? What do you think? I parenting issues hard enough without people jumping on your back and making you question what you are doing.

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 04/04/2021 05:34

If it were me I would be upset that I didn't confront the strange with more force. She told you she was talking to your daughter and not you, eh excuse me! I would be questioning her motives at that point and walking away with my DD. Is it still bothering you because you wish there are things you had said? (No criticism but this happens to me). Its great that you and your daughter are out getting exercise. If you have a good relationship with your child then you'll know the different between a little fatigue which she'll push through but feel good about finishing the course and true I'm done and too tired to continue. That woman sounds horribly rude and entitled.

Mintjulia · 04/04/2021 05:34

Is Parkrun back? I thought 5k runs weren't back until June.

MaLarkinn · 04/04/2021 05:48

Your daughter must have been a little red in the face and out of breath at 4k surely....

As long as your daughter does actually want to do and enjoys it then I wouldn't let this woman bother you.

Does your daughter get to do other activities with you 1 on 1?

My mum would never see me if the only thing we did together was run Grin

Original poster
Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 05:49

Mintjulia- I live in Australia where we have it! Used to live in UK so still on mumsnet!

OP posts:
AllyBama · 04/04/2021 05:51

I understand the encouragement to get your child finish the 5km but have you ever asked them if they wanted to stop? And that it would be absolutely fine if they wanted to stop or just walk it in?

Original poster
Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 05:55

AllyBama- she always tells me when she wants to stop. We do stop on the way around. But i asked her last night amd we talked about what happened and she said she was fine at that point and didn’t need to stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 05:57

AllyBama- regardless I still don’t think it’s any of that strangers business or right to interfere. It wasn’t as though anything was going on that required intervention or being spoken to the way she did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 06:06

Malarkinn- yes I think I’d said she was red faced. Most people are at 4km. But she had plenty left in the tank! She was in no way needing help!

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 04/04/2021 06:12

I wouldn't appreciate a stranger interfering like that.

In the past on a Parkrun I've seen a small child complaining while running with a parent, and I've asked the parent if they would like me to walk their child to the finish, so they can run on and get a decent time, but I wouldn't suggest it directly to the child.

Original poster
Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 06:25

I agree. But my daughter wasn’t complaining - she was fine and keen to push on. She enjoys getting her time and doing her best and getting the results etc.
For me it was the public and direct attack from a stranger for encouraging my daughter. I wasn’t forcing her to run. I was saying keep going in a supportive way. I knew she was able to. It was more encouragement and speaking to kill the time and silence of running!

OP posts:
badacorn · 04/04/2021 06:33

The woman was over the line.

You should gave told the nosy so and so to mind her own business.

pinkstripeycat · 04/04/2021 06:33

A woman had a real go at me in a shopping centre years ago for telling my own child off for running about. I was so stressed about my child getting lost and incensed at this woman sticking her nose in when she had no idea why I was telling him off I lost my temper with her. She left

DeadGood · 04/04/2021 06:45

Wow, 9 is quite young to be running a 5K, isn’t it?

I can see why it was upsetting but I also see why she said she was speaking to your daughter, not you.

This woman got the wrong impression but her intention was to look out for a child. I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant and she was a bit OTT but she was trying to do the right thing. Just one of those things. Sorry it upset you though. Maybe you should have a really one talk to your DD about it (I know you’ve already touched on it, but you could use it to have larger discussion about the issues it’s brought up). It might help you resolve some of the feelings around this incident.

Ploughingthrough · 04/04/2021 06:47

Woman was way over the line. I live in an overseas country where people interfere with parenting all the time, I've got used to nodding and dismissing it. The other day I got told off because my almost 6 year old was standing up on a bus and I wasn't making him sit down (it was busy, we were only on the bus for a couple of stops, he is very much old enough to stand up safely on a bus.) I just said 'he is fine' and then ignored from then on.

She massively needed to mind her own business, unless you were screaming at your daughter to carry on while she cried (which you weren't!) then you were not doing anything wrong.

Best thing is to forget it, it's annoying but some people will do things like this and you can't stop them. You know your DD was fine so don't fret.

SalaciousCrumble · 04/04/2021 06:55

9 is not young to run 5k! My 7year old has been running 5k for over a year and can run rings around me (we do the odd walk when he needs it). I believe kids need a bit of gentle encouragement - if you have a good relationship with your DD and she isn't afraid of you, surely she'll be happy to tell you what she needs. But helping her to keep pushing a little bit is a good life lesson, you don't just walk when things get a little more difficult, you see if you can go a bit further.

OP if you trust that you have an honest relationship with your DD and that she isn't afraid of you then I think there's nothing at all wrong. Helping her to stay fit and healthy and to not give up when things are a bit harder are great life lessons. Ignore the other woman!

TheWaif · 04/04/2021 07:00

Was the woman running too?

I would have been a lot more forceful with the woman.

Ozgirl75 · 04/04/2021 07:05

Don’t worry about it, some people don’t seem to realise that children don’t need mollycoddling for things and sometimes need encouragement when we know they can do a thing.
One of my boys is a keen runner and is currently out trying to improve his time for the upcoming cross country with my husband. I know he will have to say “come on, faster faster” because he wants to beat a certain time and that’s the way to get kids to do it!
And 5k isn’t that far for an 8 or 9 year old who regularly runs. She was a nosy busy body and I wouldn’t spare any more time thinking about it. If you see her again at park run just have something planned to say like “she’ll tell me if she wants to stop, so thanks for your concern but she’s totally fine”
Or even “this is the way I’m training her in case of a zombie apocalypse - we don’t want to be caught napping” and then look around with a wild look in your eyes.

AllyBama · 04/04/2021 07:05

Yeah I agree she sounded way over the line and just got a bee in her bonnet about ‘speaking up’. You know you were in the right, try not to dwell on it too much.

CrazyNeighbour · 04/04/2021 07:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 04/04/2021 07:13

Ach she’s just a silly woman, ignore it.

I’ve been questioned over taking our kids hillwalking and Munro bagging before. Some people think running and hillwalking are extreme sports that children shouldn’t be included in for some reason.
I just dismiss any comments I’ve had (not many).

Ozgirl75 · 04/04/2021 07:14

“Alternatively, It’s also excellent for kids to get the satisfaction of putting in the extra effort and getting the reward. Rather than always finding the easy exit/being a quitter.”
Exactly @CrazyNeighbour it’s only 5k, it’s not like she’s putting her through Hunger Games trials.

Queenoftheashes · 04/04/2021 07:16

I’d have probably been a lot ruder than you. Cheeky bint.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 04/04/2021 07:19

she had your daughter's interests at heart op. let her be. it was fair enough

Original poster
Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 07:36

If she simply checked if she was okay then that’s one thing. But after both me and my daughter say she’s fine and for her then to attack me as a parent was something else. To tell my daughter to ignore me and walk. To then accuse me of drilling her when I was simply encouraging her to keep running whilst knowing she was able to. To tell me to mind my own business because she was talking to my daughter not me! I don’t think she’s simply got my daughters best interests at heart.

OP posts:
motherrunner · 04/04/2021 07:44

I’m amazed you were so restrained. I would have told her to mind her business!

And 9 isn’t too young for park run. Both my children run (9 and 6). You can tell by my username we are a running family (I do half’s and DH runs marathons and ultras).

You know your child. DH and I also encourage our children like you did. DH shouts out ‘PMA’ (positive mental attitude). I’m sure people think he’s a tit but my kids find it hilarious!