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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Interfering stranger.

92 replies

Sugar2 · 04/04/2021 05:17

Hi.
So I’m interested I am your opinions on what happened with me yesterday. My daughter who is nine years old and I were doing Parkrun which is 5 km. We do it most weeks so it is something that she is used to doing and enjoys. When we got to approximately 4 km into the run my daughter had slowed a little so I said encouragingly to her ‘ keep going... we’re nearly there.’ But then this woman who was a total stranger turned to my daughter and asked her if she was okay and said she can walk if she wants. My daughter said she was fine but then this stranger then turned to me and said ‘is she okay?’ In a rather aggressive way.
I answered that she was fine and then the stranger replied ‘ well she doesn’t look okay. Your drilling her too hard.’ She said it very rudely and as an attack at me and said it repeatedly.
I was so cross as my daughter was fine.... she was red faced and tired but most people are after running 4km. As I said my daughter does this run regularly.
All I had done was encourage my daughter to keep going and a complete stranger was very attacking this and my parenting..
I said again to her many times she’s fine and that she runs all the time.
She then again told me im pushing her too much and said she was trying to talk to my daughter not me so I should mind my own business!

I said she was my business... she’s my daughter and I’m not pushing her but encouraging her. I was getting cross by this point.

The whole incident really upset me as I love running with my daughter. I hadn’t in anyway shouted at her or drilled her yet I now feel so paranoid running with her. It was embarrassing as people were listening to our exchange and awful my daughter was witnessing and part of all this. I was simply encouraging her to keep going. Which I’d have thought most parents would do. She wasn’t keeling over or in any way looking in a bad way.
After the exchange my daughter and I upped the pace as we wanted to get away from her and my daughter sped up with ease.... she had actually been keen to get around the course quickly as there were Easter eggs at the end and she was worried they’d run out! Ha ha!

But as I said it’s upset me. I’ve never had my parenting questioned before and it shocked me so much. And seemed so inappropriate. I would hardly call taking your child for a run bad parenting! She doesn’t know my daughter and what she’s capable of. It was even a fast run - it was just a fun mother/ daughter run.

Would you guys be upset to? What do you think? I parenting issues hard enough without people jumping on your back and making you question what you are doing.

OP posts:

GreenlandTheMovie · 04/04/2021 23:41

Is 5k long to run for a 9 year old? Not if they take it slowly. In my country, 5k is the maximum race distance for under 11s, although it reduces to 3.5k for cross country (which is harder effort). But thats for quite fit, competitive children.

Generally, the idea is for young children to work on their speed and general athleticism at that age, rather than long distance. But it certainly doesn't do any harm on an infrequent basis or if done steadily and not at high intensity.

fargo123 · 05/04/2021 06:55

Wow, 9 is quite young to be running a 5K, isn’t it?

Of course it's not. What a ridiculous thing to say.

My local 5km PR has dozens of children participating each week. Some run, some walk, some do a combination of both. My 8 year old relative whizzes past me does it, and can do it in around 30 minutes. Her father can't keep up and has had to rope his friend in to keep pace with her as under 11s need an adult with them at all times.

thatwasme22 · 05/04/2021 12:54

''Have you not read the thread at all?

OP wasn't trying to deal with her child. She was on a run, with her child, no problem at all.

A random woman stepped in & tried to suggest the child should stop for reasons best known to herself

In your linked thread, a teacher got involved with a disciplinary matter involving a student & another teacher. Whether right or wrong, it's entirely different!''

No it's not, it is the same concept in the way the teacher was dealing with the child and the parent was dealing with their child. The teacher did not want interferance. Yet when it's the teacher who raised it they got hung and said the support/extra adult was good and teacher was unreasonable but when a parent comes on here and raises similar the interfering party gets hung and the parent is the only one who should be dealing with their child and others shouldn't interfere. And the key word here is 'dealing' as that was what was happening in both scenarios.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 05/04/2021 14:07

Runners are often volunteers too and will be aware of parkrun's approach & ethos, and this particular person may well have had prior experience of adults overly pressuring children.
Tbf many of the responses on this thread are the kind of thing that discourages people from intervening.
OP if you're happy your daughter was happy, why the over—reaction? This is parkrun, it's a friendly & positive place. Just smile, nod, bite your tongue & be grateful that there are people out there with the balls to intervene if they see a situation they don't feel comfortable with.
I've RD'd at Junior parkruns where parents have pushed their children to tears & real distress.
I'd much rather intervene early & have the parent think I'm an interfering busybody, than leave that child without any back-up. Frankly I don't care if I piss you off - if the child really is OK you should brush it off and be understanding, & if the child isn't, hopefully I have at least made the parent & child aware I'm watching and that I'm on the child's side.
We have pages of safeguarding advice, I'd rather someone be over zealous than turn a blind eye.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/04/2021 14:21

You are really obsessed with drawing untenable comparisons between these threads @thatwasme22

the parent was dealing with their child.

The parent in this thread was not dealing with their child. They were running. No problems. No dealing with. Random woman stepped in.

In your other thread, there was a disciplinary issue, and rightly or wrongly, the other teacher could step in, as she (or he?) had a role in the situation, as a fellow teacher. There was a connection.

None here. None. Happy parent & DC, running. Random woman gets involved where there was no issue.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/04/2021 14:32

@thatwasme22

I've just realised why you keep going on about this other, irrelevant thread! You are the OP in that one.

What an odd thing to - to shoehorn your own issue from 2 plus years ago into an entirely different thread. 🤨 and not to acknowledge it.

Original poster

Sugar2 · 06/04/2021 06:58

Ihaventgottineforthis.
I volunteer at parkrun too so I know the ethos.
I don’t think you’ve actually read the thread. My daughter didn’t need ‘back up.’ She was fine. She was pushing herself as 1) she was wanting a PB- she didn’t get it. And 2) there were Easter chocolates at the end of the run being given out and she was wanting to get one before they ran out!
I was encouraging her to keep going but I always let her stop when I want. I feel you’ve just done exactly what that stranger did and decide I was pushing her and that my daughter didn’t want to be there and I was forcing her. Totally wrong, totally the opposite. People seem to go around these days doing their best to look for problems and thinking the worst of others....as a consequence upset a family who are perfectly happy, sensible and loving.
Why the hell would you want to make a parent and child feel you are ‘watching’ like some sort of vigilante when they are good people and doing nothing wrong. It’s ridiculous!

OP posts:

Original poster

Sugar2 · 06/04/2021 10:07

I meant I always let her stop when she wants!! The other would be bad!

OP posts:

AbsolutelyPatsy · 06/04/2021 10:09

i hope you told her not to be scared of the woman

Original poster

Sugar2 · 06/04/2021 10:30

@AbsolutelyPatsy

i hope you told her not to be scared of the woman

I don’t think she was scared as in proper scared and frightened..... I think it was more the way kid ms speak. But it was unsettling for her to see a woman so suddenly getting so aggressive with me when we were just on a run as neither is expected it. One minute we’re running along and the next a stranger is getting in her high horse snd getting at me. Those saying the stranger had my daughters best interest at heart .... it really didn’t seem that way...to try and intimidate me infront of my daughter that way. To see her mum get yelled at for running with her- that’s unsettling. I’m not a push over.... I let the stranger see that. But I didn’t want to stoop to her level in front of my daughter.

OP posts:

AbsolutelyPatsy · 06/04/2021 10:32

she must have her own issues op,
i hpe your dd got her easter egg

Original poster

Sugar2 · 06/04/2021 10:37

@AbsolutelyPatsy

she must have her own issues op, i hpe your dd got her easter egg

Yes she did! She got lots.... she really didn’t needed to have worried! Yes I agree she must have issues. I feel a lot better about it now. I just hope we don’t come across her next Saturday!

OP posts:

AbsolutelyPatsy · 06/04/2021 11:05

smile and wave op , forearmed is forewarned and all that

AbsolutelyPatsy · 06/04/2021 11:05

other way round of course!

Tooshytoshine · 06/04/2021 11:23

The woman is a crank. Don't give her any headspace. The lesson for your daughter is everyone is a critic.

If she heard me speak to my son during a run, she would call social services😂. I do a lot of encouraging him along, and at the end he is always thrilled he has run the distance and achieved the goal. However, I know him really well and if he was genuinely struggling we would stop and have a nice chat about how it's all okay.

She doesn't know your kid and sounds like she doesn't know how kids are in general. If you see her again tell her to jog on, both literally and figuratively.

OverTheRainbow88 · 06/04/2021 11:38

I was the rude stranger once where I witnessed a dad on the hottest day of last summer scream
And shout at his children making them run laps and laps of a park when he was sat on a bench in the shade. And even said no when one stopped for a drink. I actually called SS as thought it was a safeguarding issue.

Tooshytoshine · 06/04/2021 11:57

That's a very different situation though... A parent and child running together in a shared hobby versus drilling your kids as a power trip.

I don't think OPs situation really compares to this. She sounds a lovely parent who shares a hobby with her daughter that will set her up for a lifetime of understanding how to keep going even when it's tough and how to maintain good fitness.

YWNBU in the other instance...

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