Feeling unsettled by neighbours moving

[Heartofgoldmumof2]

I already know this is really stupid. But we bought our house 10yrs ago at the same time as our neighbours. We got the keys one month apart. Both houses were wrecks. Needed total refurbishment.

I did a complete job. Strip back to bare brick, rewire the whole house, new ceilings, sanded floors, plastering walls. Installed downstairs toilet. Everything was new and I chose it all.

They had 2 kids, 18 my months ago they had a 3rd. We have 2 kids. Their second and my first child are the same age.

We needed a 4th bedroom because my husband works from home. We had a girl and a boy so they needed their own room. So we did a loft conversion and now have a really large master bedroom with en-suite. At the time we couldn’t sell the house because we were in the middle of renovating the garden which is really large and long but it’s very steep. So it needed digging out and terracing. I would have had to take a big drop in value to sell.

The garden project is still ongoing. I’m probably a bit frustrated that it’s taken 5 years but we have done both front garden creating a driveway, half finished the back and completed the loft conversion in that time. Not helped by lockdown last year. Things were on hold. It has taken a long time to complete.

I really like where we live. 1930s house, good room sizes. Our road backs on to woodland so we have great views and wildlife. We have a train station 5 mins round the corner. 10 mins from motorway junction and great bus links and only a 30min walk to the city centre. It ticks a lot of boxes.
We have everything we need.

I looked for 4 beds round here. There really are not many. Most have either extended or converted loft.

I know it’s really stupid to feel like this. They they are moving on and we are left behind still plugging away the garden. Plus I’m a bit worried what sort of neighbours we will get. Whether they have kids? As we are a semi- we make a bit of family noise. I hope they have kids.

Can anyone else relate to this?

If you’re happy with your house then stop comparing it to your neighbours

Well the bit I can relate to is a nice set of neighbors moving out and worry about who will move in.

Of course I can relate. You’ve great neighbours who are going. Also it must make you think hmmm I wonder what is out there if the neighbours are moving (obvs could be for all sorts of reasons). Often if you’re settled someone moving can make you think. A bit like a colleague ha ding notice in. Makes you reevaluate your own situation sometimes.
Good luck op

Yes i understand when my neighbours moved I was worried. In the end the house has been rented out quite a bit but it's actually been absolutely OK.
I'll worry when the ones we're attached to move as they are incredibly laid back people. We have had children of similar ages who are freinds and grown up now. They never minded our noise and we never minded theirs.
Hopefully your new neighbours will be absolutely fine but try not to let the worry spoil your enjoyment of your home which sounds lovely.

This seems less about missing your neighbours and more you’re comparing yourselves to them and see them moving up and you can’t afford to. So are jealous?

I can see why you are unsettled with the status quo changing, but how you describe your house and it's location sounds like something beyond the reach of a lot of people. So you need to stop comparing yourself to other people and count your blessings. Would you even be thinking anything negative about your set-up if the neighbours weren't moving?

If they’ve been listening to your renovations for a decade I’m not surprised they are moving

It sounds like you're creating your dream house! I'm not sure what your AIBU is (don't mean to sound snippy, it's just not entirely clear to me), are you jealous that your neighbours are moving whereas you're getting work done on the house? It's just different ways of creating a suitable family home! And I think it's perfectly normal to question big life decisions when other people have made a different choice. Re new neighbours: understandable to worry but nothing you can do about it, and they'll most likely be fine

Are they moving to something you consider a bigger and better house?

No where in your Post have you said, god I’ll miss them we are best friends, even who will move in is a “plus” ,,an additional thought.

It’s all focused on what you’ve done and have v them, which makes me wonder if you’re literally the living definition of keeping up with the joneses? And now you’re still trying to make this house work whilst they are moving up?

I’m not sure you’ve explained yourself well becayse the “unsettled” does read like you’re envious and have been comparing yourself.

I totally get you! It’s always worrying who will move in next door but don’t change the way you live (as long as harmless) for them! I had a friend who lived one side and a childless couple the other side (we have kids). We all liked to party and spend time in the garden, so it was a match made in heaven really. They sold up within 2 years of each other and I ended up with neighbours one side who had young kids and moaned about our get-togethers, and a sex offender on the other side. I long for the old days. Hopefully you have more luck than me! With regards to your house, it sounds lovely and like you have done a lot of work, so if you’re happy there stop worrying about it!

Thank you to all those who had read my reeeeally long post and replied.

Firstly it’s definitely not jealousy. Good luck to them. They have 3 kids- 2 that are sharing and it’s not always roses. The girls need their own rooms.. plus a family of 5 in our houses are a push. The living room is quite small but kitchen diner is bigger. She has been a hero as a SAHM through lockdown with 3 kids.

I’m so invested in my house. Every switch, every light fitting, door handle I have chosen. Plus we have so many advantages of the area and location for transport links. So I would be a bit heartbroken to say goodbye. Also we have created a 4 bed house with only a relatively small increase in mortgage so I think it’s good value.

But I do love the exhilaration of looking at houses, seeing the potential of what you could do with it and putting the offer in to see if it’s accepted. It is really exciting. But also a very stressful process.

On the neighbour issues, if the worst case scenario is that we get people who complain about our family noise or we find we cannot love next to. We may be able to move in approx 5 years if my husband investments abroad make the money they are expected to. So that can be our back up plan.

Sorry for the rambling. Usually I am very happy with my lot even though it has been hard work over the years. I definitely dont compare myself to what others do or have. So it’s just really thrown me.

I totally get you! It’s always worrying who will move in next door but don’t change the way you live (as long as harmless) for them!

I don’t think you do. Because she clearly states rhe concern about who moves in is just an additional thought ans is no where near the main issue, which she spends rhe other 95 percent of her post discussing,,

So what is it then op, if it’s not jealousy and it’s not majorly about who moves in, what is the issue? Because honestly you’re saying it is not jealousy but then writing like that’s exactly what it is.

The way I read it is you have done much more work than the neighbours yet they are still moving on. Is that it?
Your work has not been in vain. Sounds like a lovely home

I get that, my neighbour and boyfriend moved for extra space, got crap new neighbour ( 1 bed terraces).
I ended up with running upstairs noisily, banging doors, luckily they moved and now. Have fab neighbour

I moved into my house 10 years ago, had lovely neighbours I got really close to over the years and am still in touch with. I was really sad when they moved, although I was glad for them and they have a lovely new home. But all the feelings and thoughts you discussed came up for me. It is now a year later, I have lovely new neighbours on both sides and am thinking of moving myself. You sound like you have a fabulous house and an amazing location. Good luck.

I didn’t think I’d be fussed when the family above us moved out but the guy that has moved in gives me the creeps, so I can relate to the worry of what the new neighbours will be like.

This is an odd one.

Your have spent most of your posts listing all the work you have done, as if trying to convince yourself it was the right thing to do.

Neighbours move on, ten years is a good run. You seem more focused on convincing yourself you Have done the right thing by investing so much in this house, when you could just have moved.

Yes it’s always the dilemma - move or improve if you need more space.

Perhaps they are really hacked off with us and our home improvements! 🤭

Did they renovate like you did? I’m wondering if you thought they were jealous of you and you had thr better house and now they’ve sold up and are moving somewhere better in one fell swoop they suddenly are doing much better than you, and you’re stuck in the same home grafting in the garden?

Maybe it’s time for a hobby 😂😂.

Err what exactly is the issue?

I'm really unsure what your actual problem is, and what you'd like to get from this thread?

Your are sounding like you think you did your renovation properly whilst they just 'did it up a bit' & that you feel you should be moving UP before them, that they're not 'worthy'.

It's also a bit tasteless & braggy all around.

At the time we couldn’t sell the house because we were in the middle of renovating the garden which is really large and long but it’s very steep. So it needed digging out and terracing. I would have had to take a big drop in value to sell.
What does this mean? I’m confused at whether you actually want to sell your own house, or you wish your neighbour hadn’t sold theirs?
What exactly is the problem?

I don't think you're jealous that your neighbours are moving, but perhaps you crave the excitement of moving into a new house and planning and researching the improvements to be made.