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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling unsettled by neighbours moving

85 replies

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 03/04/2021 20:23

I already know this is really stupid. But we bought our house 10yrs ago at the same time as our neighbours. We got the keys one month apart. Both houses were wrecks. Needed total refurbishment.

I did a complete job. Strip back to bare brick, rewire the whole house, new ceilings, sanded floors, plastering walls. Installed downstairs toilet. Everything was new and I chose it all.

They had 2 kids, 18 my months ago they had a 3rd. We have 2 kids. Their second and my first child are the same age.

We needed a 4th bedroom because my husband works from home. We had a girl and a boy so they needed their own room. So we did a loft conversion and now have a really large master bedroom with en-suite. At the time we couldn’t sell the house because we were in the middle of renovating the garden which is really large and long but it’s very steep. So it needed digging out and terracing. I would have had to take a big drop in value to sell.

The garden project is still ongoing. I’m probably a bit frustrated that it’s taken 5 years but we have done both front garden creating a driveway, half finished the back and completed the loft conversion in that time. Not helped by lockdown last year. Things were on hold. It has taken a long time to complete.

I really like where we live. 1930s house, good room sizes. Our road backs on to woodland so we have great views and wildlife. We have a train station 5 mins round the corner. 10 mins from motorway junction and great bus links and only a 30min walk to the city centre. It ticks a lot of boxes.
We have everything we need.

I looked for 4 beds round here. There really are not many. Most have either extended or converted loft.

I know it’s really stupid to feel like this. They they are moving on and we are left behind still plugging away the garden. Plus I’m a bit worried what sort of neighbours we will get. Whether they have kids? As we are a semi- we make a bit of family noise. I hope they have kids.

Can anyone else relate to this?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 03/04/2021 22:53

I don't understand this. Do you like your existing neighbours? You don't say anything about that. Did they work on their property, too? You don't mention that, but say they might have got fed up with your work.

What is it that's worrying you?

Nancylovesthecock · 03/04/2021 22:55

Yabu because I have no fucking clue what your banging on about.

Why is your neighbours moving house unsettling you? Are you now in some doubt as if them moving is implying where you live isn't good enough and you don't understand why they would want to move?

You do sound very invested in other people validating your life choices op.

Xiaoxiong · 03/04/2021 22:59

I can't figure out who is moving! You say your neighbours. But then you say you would take a big drop in value to sell, you would be heartbroken to leave, you've done all this work etc.

Why do your neighbours moving mean you also have to move?

MeanMrMustardSeed · 03/04/2021 23:09

It sounds to me like you’re over invested in your bricks and mortar and have let your house control your life, rather than use your house to serve your families life.

toocold54 · 03/04/2021 23:22

Nobody likes change.

I remember I moved not long after a neighbour and another neighbour I had barely spoken to over the years just said hi every now and then came and spoke to me when I was moving out and he’d decided to move because “everyone is leaving and it’s not the same place as he always knew” even though it was only 2 of us moving out of an entire estate.

Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 03/04/2021 23:33

@GreyhoundG1rl when I was thinking about the options for getting the 4th bedroom - would we move to a house with a 4 bedroom or do the loft conversion. I ruled out moving pretty quickly because of the condition of the back garden. It has taken a lot of investment to get it into a fit state. But also I had everything in the house just as I wanted it plus all the location benefits. I don’t want to move.

I guess them being at a point that they are moving on, I was hoping I would have finished all the projects and be in a position to relax and enjoy it.

OP posts:
3Britnee · 03/04/2021 23:41

ConfusedConfusedConfused

chalktheblockwithglitterchalk · 03/04/2021 23:44

I kind of understand but in reverse well maybe not reverse but in a strange way we are moving house soon but I hope my new neighbours don't try to make friends with us Blushobvs I hope that we all are civil and friendly.

Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 03/04/2021 23:58

@chalktheblockwithglitterchalk - interesting why do you hope your new neighbours don’t try to be friends with you?

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 00:01

@chalktheblockwithglitterchalk

I kind of understand but in reverse well maybe not reverse but in a strange way we are moving house soon but I hope my new neighbours don't try to make friends with us Blushobvs I hope that we all are civil and friendly.
That’s just weird.
sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 06:33

I really can’t see what your issue is. Your neighbours are moving. You don’t describe them as friends who you’ll miss. You love your house and don’t want to move. What’s the problem?

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2021 06:59

I guess them being at a point that they are moving on, I was hoping I would have finished all the projects and be in a position to relax and enjoy it

It’s very hard to comprehend why you’d set your neighbours actions as a way to monitor what you’ve done in the house. Why is it remotely important for you to habe completed your work before your neighbours move? The two are totally unrelated.

It actually reads you thought you were doing a lot better than them, and now they are moving, I am guessing to a proper four bed, and you’ve not even finished yours and feel “left behind”.

You need to stop comparing yourself to the neighbours. None of this is about how you like them, will miss them, it’s all about what you have and have done in comparison to what they have and have done.

I don’t understand the rationale of you’d take a big hit on the property value if you sold before you did the garden. Because you must have bought it like that and paid accordingly.

What they do and what you do is unrelated. You sound like what you achieve in comparison to what they achieve is really important to you. And now they are moving up the ladder it’s put you in a tailspin because you’ve not “achieved” quite as much.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 04/04/2021 07:11

I have absolutely no idea what you are unsettled about. It’s only a house. People move on. What’s the problem?

catvonbat · 04/04/2021 07:24

I think pp renters are less sympathetic to feelings around change in neighbours. You are far more 'stuck' and your home can reduce in value and any sale is affected by your surrounds. eg if your neighbours are loud, leave rubbish and don't look after their house or garden then that can put future buyers off. When you rent, you can just move on.

There is a certain ceiling price that no matter how much you do to your house, it just won't sell for more. So you may find there isn't an equivalent or better house in your budget to move to. This can make a homeowner feel stuck, disappointed or resentful.

I really get where you are coming from op. Nightmare neighbours can make you hate where you live, no matter how nice you have made it. You have obviously put in a lot of time, money and effort into making your home yours.

I didn't particularly like our neighbours but when they sold I spent a few weeks worrying who will be my new neighbours. The other set of neighbours just fucked off and didn't tell us they sold it to a developer who put us through months of hell. At the end of the day, when there is money involved, people just think of themselves. I know when I want to sell up I won't care who buys it, though I might wish it's a nice family for the sake of any neighbours I cared about... but would I refuse from someone who wants to turn a family home into another HMO? No I won't...because it's money!

Could your neighbours tell you who they sold to? ie developer, couple, family? It was a relief when the old neighbours finally told us that oh by the way it's a young family that bought it ... as at that point there was no info on gov or agency websites as to who bought the property...

so my advice is to try and stay calm, accept it's the reality of party wall ownership and when you see the sold sign or if they already sold ask them who bought it. They will have an idea from the viewing or the agency about the type of buyer they are.

Tamingofthehamster · 04/04/2021 07:33

I can understand if it’s what Knittedfairies said.

LoudestCat14 · 04/04/2021 07:41

What are you actually worried about, OP? Because it's not clear. Are you worried you won't be friends with your new neighbours (although you don't actually state whether you actually socialise with your current ones or whether you're just civil) or that they'll be noisy and embark on a similar scale renovation project (which, sorry to be blunt, sounds like it's be quite a lengthy nightmare to live next door too!), or that they'll complain about your noise (although it sounds like you've almost finally finished your renovation) or are you jealous your neighbours are going to live somewhere else in a potentially nicer house? I've re-read your posts and I'm struggling to see what the exact issue is!

LoudestCat14 · 04/04/2021 07:46

chalktheblockwithglitterchalk I get where you're coming from. We're civil with our NDN but would never socialise with them because we just very different people with different values (they are very entitled and don't give a shit about how their building work has impacted on us and other neighbours, for example). I wouldn't be friends with them if I met them in any other scenario, so why should I force a friendship just because they live next door?

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2021 08:24

I’m surprised at all these people who keep saying “I get where you’re coming from” then writing it’s about the new neighbours, when the op has clearly articulated that’s just a side concern and not the major issue.

catvonbat · 04/04/2021 08:54

I read it as, op invested so much in sorting out the house and just when it is finally about to all come together now she has a new worry of who the new neighbours will be. Bad neighbours impact the sale of your property and your enjoyment of it.

Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/04/2021 09:57

@catvonbat there is a lot of truth in what you have said about the impact of neighbours and not getting on with them.

At least I have already completed the major things that may impact on any new neighbours.

I actually wish I knew why the neighbours moving ahead created this feeling? I’m definitely not one of those ‘ keep up with the joneses’ and compare myself by what others have.

We are civil and exchange pleasantries. Not friends. But they are similar age and seem to have same approach to raising the children etc. So I don’t feel like we are losing friends. So it’s strange for me to be feeling like this.

OP posts:
MrsToadlike · 04/04/2021 10:10

Yep I get where you're coming from. A few years ago OH and I started house hunting for our second step, and 3 of our friends started house hunting and then moved at a similar time as us. And then as we exchanged on our house our next door neighbours saw how much our house had gone for and decided to take the plunge.

I don't think it's a coincidence - if you see friends at a same 'stage' of life looking to move on, I can see why that would make you start to think about your own situation. It's sort of like social contagion isn't it.

Ikora · 04/04/2021 10:24

The house next door to me was sold in February and developers are doing a major refurbishment to sell on in about two months. Our neighbours of 15 years were lovely and I miss them. We also had dc the same age and my DS and her DD played together very often running between the gardens for about 10 years. I have very happy memories. As long as the new neighbours are quiet that is enough for me. But getting new neighbours is a worry. We live on a lovely road and know quite a few neighbours.

Rewis · 04/04/2021 11:11

I'm really struggling to understand. I could kinda get it if you had bought a horrible shitty house/flat in a cheap neighbourhood that was way too small and only thing you could afford and now your neighbour at the same 'stage' as you had managed to get a nice house in a nice neighbourhood but you were stuck. However, it sound like you have renovated nice house with a big yard to suit your needs. So not sure what the need to 'move on' is? Some people renovate, some move.
Maybe I'm just not getting this?

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2021 11:14

I’m definitely not one of those ‘ keep up with the joneses’ and compare myself by what others have

Read your op back, that’s what it’s all about though, what you have and have done in comparison to them.

WallaceinAnderland · 04/04/2021 11:15

I had to check the date to make sure this was not an April Fool thread. Then I thought you were going to say neighbours moving because it's been constant noise and disruption with one thing after another in your house. Then I thought you were jealous as you see your neighbours moving to a bigger house. Now I have no clue what your problem is Grin