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Original poster

Feeling unsettled by neighbours moving

85 replies

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 03/04/2021 20:23

I already know this is really stupid. But we bought our house 10yrs ago at the same time as our neighbours. We got the keys one month apart. Both houses were wrecks. Needed total refurbishment.

I did a complete job. Strip back to bare brick, rewire the whole house, new ceilings, sanded floors, plastering walls. Installed downstairs toilet. Everything was new and I chose it all.

They had 2 kids, 18 my months ago they had a 3rd. We have 2 kids. Their second and my first child are the same age.

We needed a 4th bedroom because my husband works from home. We had a girl and a boy so they needed their own room. So we did a loft conversion and now have a really large master bedroom with en-suite. At the time we couldn’t sell the house because we were in the middle of renovating the garden which is really large and long but it’s very steep. So it needed digging out and terracing. I would have had to take a big drop in value to sell.

The garden project is still ongoing. I’m probably a bit frustrated that it’s taken 5 years but we have done both front garden creating a driveway, half finished the back and completed the loft conversion in that time. Not helped by lockdown last year. Things were on hold. It has taken a long time to complete.

I really like where we live. 1930s house, good room sizes. Our road backs on to woodland so we have great views and wildlife. We have a train station 5 mins round the corner. 10 mins from motorway junction and great bus links and only a 30min walk to the city centre. It ticks a lot of boxes.
We have everything we need.

I looked for 4 beds round here. There really are not many. Most have either extended or converted loft.

I know it’s really stupid to feel like this. They they are moving on and we are left behind still plugging away the garden. Plus I’m a bit worried what sort of neighbours we will get. Whether they have kids? As we are a semi- we make a bit of family noise. I hope they have kids.

Can anyone else relate to this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/04/2021 11:28

@Bluntness100. But we have pretty done the same. They have renovated, added downstairs toilet, had to remodel the garden. They tackled the garden earlier than me because they already had a child and needed outside space.

Anyway when we bought the houses it was a couple of years after the crash and they were in a really poor state. So we got them at a really good price. So now that prices have risen. If we were to move and take a bigger mortgage we would only be getting the same amount of space, possibly with smaller garden and then Still have to have to fund creating the 4th bedroom. So it just didn’t make sense to me personally for our situation. Plus I love where we live.

I just need to get over it!

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 11:43

Get over what though? I really can’t see what your issue is?

GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 12:08

So it just didn’t make sense to me personally for our situation. Plus I love where we live.

I just need to get over it!

You’re still not making any sense, you know Confused. You don’t want to move, nobody’s making you move, what exactly is the issue?
Unless you feel they’ve moved on to something better, and you are, despite your protests; jealous.
What else are we to think?

Pinkdelight3 · 04/04/2021 12:33

Also don't get what the issue is. Unless there's a subconscious revelation that you've invested way too much of your life in light switches and door knobs and your neighbours moving on has made you glimpse for a moment how futile and meaningless it all is?

Pinkdelight3 · 04/04/2021 12:35

Like, you're grasping for permanence and control in all these things, but life's changing up on you anyhow.

Otherwise, it's all a bit of a rambly nothing much has really happened.

Handsnotwands · 04/04/2021 12:42

Baffling. Is that you’re a bit put out that despite you having invested so much in your own home your neighbors still isn’t good enough so they’re moving on to find something better?

I still don’t get the connection between what you’ve done to yours and their choices but you seem miffed about something

3Britnee · 04/04/2021 13:00

[quote Heartofgoldmumof2]@Bluntness100. But we have pretty done the same. They have renovated, added downstairs toilet, had to remodel the garden. They tackled the garden earlier than me because they already had a child and needed outside space.

Anyway when we bought the houses it was a couple of years after the crash and they were in a really poor state. So we got them at a really good price. So now that prices have risen. If we were to move and take a bigger mortgage we would only be getting the same amount of space, possibly with smaller garden and then Still have to have to fund creating the 4th bedroom. So it just didn’t make sense to me personally for our situation. Plus I love where we live.

I just need to get over it![/quote]
But no one is making you move Confused

ViciousJackdaw · 04/04/2021 13:06

Why does it have to be a 'faaamily' who moves in next door?

onemouseplace · 04/04/2021 13:08

I'm really confused as well. As far as I can work out, they'e done a bit of work to their house, but haven't done the 4th bedroom so they are moving because they need the extra space as they have 3 DC.

But you've done your 4th bedroom. Is it because you can't understand why they don't just do that and don't see why they are moving? You say you don't know them especially well - maybe there are many, many other reasons why they want to move.

Lampzade · 04/04/2021 13:08

@Bluntness100

Are they moving to something you consider a bigger and better house?

No where in your Post have you said, god I’ll miss them we are best friends, even who will move in is a “plus” ,,an additional thought.

It’s all focused on what you’ve done and have v them, which makes me wonder if you’re literally the living definition of keeping up with the joneses? And now you’re still trying to make this house work whilst they are moving up?

I’m not sure you’ve explained yourself well becayse the “unsettled” does read like you’re envious and have been comparing yourself.

This is my thought Op is probably now dissatisfied with her house because she thinks that the neighbours may be moving to a bigger and better house .
Lampzade · 04/04/2021 13:13

Op feels left behind.

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2021 13:19

Op is probably now dissatisfied with her house because she thinks that the neighbours may be moving to a bigger and better house

Yes that’s what I’m getting it’s “did I make the right decision because they are going to have better than me immediately “ . I am not sure it’s she’s dissatisfied as such, but more feels they are going one better than her and she’s not even finished her garden yet.

I suspect as she had turned hers to a four bed, and they had kids sharing and likely didn’t renovate so much she thought she was something to be envied and now she’s realised they were just biding their time and are moving on up

2bazookas · 04/04/2021 13:57

Get a grip. Live your own life; we only get one.

burritofan · 04/04/2021 14:08

I think I get it, OP. They’re the same family as you, essentially: kids the same age, bought the same house, both houses needing the same work. Now they’re onto the next thing and you’re not.

I think you’re seeing the goal as “finish the house then sell up and leave” and they’ve met that goal first. But it’s not a competition. And yeah, housing stock is scarce in this country but it’s not a finite resource, they won’t be buying the last good house; you’re not going to miss the boat. (I think it’s a similar sick-making, not-quite-envy feeling as when you want to be pregnant, aren’t, and other people are: it’s not like their pregnancies prevent yours, but you still want other people to slow down until you can catch up.)

We’re in a similar status in that we want and need to move but have only half finished our fixer-upper: it’s fixed up too much to sell as a wreck without losing loads of money (and not sure people who want to buy wrecks would see past the fixed bits), but enough work left to do means it’s not in move-in condition. All around us, neighbours are selling up and moving out (London) and it’s crap wanting to get on with your life but can’t.

FrankskinnerscRoc · 04/04/2021 14:31

I've never really had much to do with my neighbours although we do speak, yet when they told me that they were going home when they retired I was beside myself 🤔. They've been good neighbours, so good the I never even noticed them half the time. I'm concerned that whoever moves in next may not be. Plus I'm also very envious that they're going to be living in a very beautiful country, whilst I'm still stuck here & will be for a few more years yet. You're probably feeling the same OP.

Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/04/2021 18:27

@burritofan

‘I think I get it, OP. They’re the same family as you, essentially: kids the same age, bought the same house, both houses needing the same work. Now they’re onto the next thing and you’re not.’

Thank you for understanding my feelings on it.

Good luck on finishing your house. It takes times and energy which can be difficult when you combine it with having kids and working.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/04/2021 18:29

@burritofan

Also should have said - I can’t believe it’s taken 10years to get to this point. Those 10
Years have gone by in a flash. But we have had one wedding, 2 babies and some really great family holidays in that time too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/04/2021 18:32

@FrankskinnerscRoc

The perfect neighbour - so good and quite you barely notice them but always nice enough to exchange conversation.

My sister is very involved with her neighbours. They both have kids similar ages and they go round each other’s houses and do activities at Xmas etc. We are not like that with our neighbours.

OP posts:
Nancylovesthecock · 04/04/2021 18:43

[quote Heartofgoldmumof2]@burritofan

‘I think I get it, OP. They’re the same family as you, essentially: kids the same age, bought the same house, both houses needing the same work. Now they’re onto the next thing and you’re not.’

Thank you for understanding my feelings on it.

Good luck on finishing your house. It takes times and energy which can be difficult when you combine it with having kids and working.[/quote]
So it IS jealousy then op. Your put out because you think they're moving on to something better.

You say your happy where you are, so be happy. Comparison is the thief of joy.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 04/04/2021 19:19

I agree with PP what it is down to jealousy why the OP is feeling unsettled, she has spent a lot of time and money creating a lovely home, the neighbours live in the same house and by moving have ‘rejected’ their house as not good enough and are possibly moving onto bigger and better. If the neighbours were moving due to a relationship breakdown, or downsizing I don’t think the OP would be feeling unsettled. It’s hard to admit you are jealous OP but most people feel it at some point in their lives about something so don’t beat yourself up too much, just concentrate on your home and plans and don’t dwell on what your neighbours are doing, they have no bearing on your life in the long run.

Urbacodon · 04/04/2021 19:38

I’m confused about your post. Totally understandable to be worried about the new neighbours etc, but the amount of focus you put on your renovations (for nearly the whole post) comes across as bragging. What does your extensive, hand-picked renovations have to do with your old neighbours moving out?

Nancylovesthecock · 04/04/2021 20:02

@Urbacodon

I’m confused about your post. Totally understandable to be worried about the new neighbours etc, but the amount of focus you put on your renovations (for nearly the whole post) comes across as bragging. What does your extensive, hand-picked renovations have to do with your old neighbours moving out?
Because SHE was living life better than her neighbours were. Her hand picked fancy renovations were meaning she was winning at life in direct comparison to her neighbours who were the same as her hut SHE was doing better.

But then! the neighbours had the audacity to up and move. They REJECTED the op's utopia which is so much BETTER than anywhere else. What could they possibly be leaving for? 🤨

Grow up op

Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/04/2021 20:12

Sorry if talking about my renovations sounds like bragging. It is really not intended to be- just showing what attachment I have to the home I’ve have made. Otherwise people would say if you want to move just move.

I really don’t believe I’m jealous as I don’t want bigger and better. It was a conscious decision to stay where we are.

But the neighbours have done their renovations and completed. They are now ready to move into something new. I am still going and it’s not yet finished. I am a little frustrated it’s taken this long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/04/2021 20:14

@Nancylovesthecock

You make a lot of assumptions in your theory there. You can spare me the psychology lecture.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 20:15

How can it take 10+ years to do a garden? How much is still to be done?