Is it really bad that 10 year old can’t ride bike?

[Fattydoggy]

My 10 yr old can’t ride a bike. He has had a bike since he was 3. Always peddled backwards and got fed up quickly. He loves his scooter. We always get him a bike that fits but never push him too much to learn because he doesn’t want to. He does have dyspraxia which I believe makes it much harder for him.

Today, we met friends at the park for the first time in ages quite excitedly. They had a lovely time but our friends kids were wanting to swap their bikes with his scooter and so on. He was peddling backwards and could not balance well. He looked really embarrassed he couldn’t ride it properly. Is it too late for us to push it. He doesn’t want to. Was thinking about getting a valance bike for older kids (if they exist)

My ds didn't learn until he was a few weeks from 10. We had tried over the years but between his nervousness and my bad back it never worked out. I got in touch with a local lady that specialises in giving bike lessons, she works with all ages and it's her full time job. It was the best thing we could have done, he had 3 hour long sessions and cost just under £100.

He came away from those sessions confident and hasn't looked back plus because she was a professional they went over things that I wouldn't have thought about!

Am not even convinced swimming is a life skill which always gets trotted out.

My DM can't swim. Keep away from bodies of water. Job done. I seriously don't think my 50m badge is going to save my life if my car drives off a bridge.

DS 13 is similar. Dyspraxic, never got on with his balance bike because of his height (was, and still is, quite tall for his age). Got him a proper children's bicycle and DH really pushed to get him to ride. Every session ended in tears and blood. We left it be, got him a scooter which he really, really took to. He rode that scooter to and from school from Year 1 up until he left Y6, and never ever voiced any desire to get back on a bicycle.

It's just not a big deal. We're honestly not a cycling family. DH and I haven't ridden one since we were children. Can't say I miss it.

My DD couldn’t get it at all. I watched this and thought it wouldn’t work. It worked. It was incredible.

(DD wore a helmet, despite what the gung-ho chap suggests.)

@Fattydoggy

I don't wanna say REALLY BAD, but it's a shame, because kids have SO much fun bike-riding. Some of my happiest childhood memories are riding my bike with my mates when I was 8 to 15-ish. Good times.

It's also great, cheap, transport when you're an adult, and good exercise too.

Can you not book your child onto a cycle proficiency course (when things are back to normal-ish?) I would.

It's not essential but it is limiting to not know how to ride. I think it's important to keep their world as wide as possible when young by teaching them all the skills you can. Have the bike shop take off the pedals/crank shaft. He needs to learn how to glide with both feet up first. Then get him on an exercise bike to master pedal forward. Then when he's zipping around confidently on the real bike put the pedals back on. And I'd get a used bike that's one size too small. It will feel less intimidating. Put the seat down fairly low to start. If he feels unstable he will give up.

My eldest was in his early teens before he could ride a bike.
He now cycles everywhere and is planning a 100 mile ride as soon as restrictions allow

@AppletonP

It's not essential but it is limiting to not know how to ride. I think it's important to keep their world as wide as possible when young by teaching them all the skills you can. Have the bike shop take off the pedals/crank shaft. He needs to learn how to glide with both feet up first. Then get him on an exercise bike to master pedal forward. Then when he's zipping around confidently on the real bike put the pedals back on. And I'd get a used bike that's one size too small. It will feel less intimidating. Put the seat down fairly low to start. If he feels unstable he will give up.

I agree with this. It's like swimming. I know swimming, and being able to ride a bike, are not ESSENTIAL and that people can live a perfectly decent full life without being able to ride a bike, or swim. However, a number of people I have known have found they missed out somewhat through not being able to do one or more of these 2 things.

DD went to Florida several years ago, with her boyfriend and 3 other couples. One of the 8 of them couldn't swim, and he missed out on SO much on that trip, because lots of the fun and activities was very water-sports based. I also know a few more people who have said they felt they have missed out on stuff with not being able to swim.

Also, I know a few people who can't ride a bike, and they have said quite a few times, that they wish they'd learned, how handy it would be, and how much they missed out on bike-riding fun with other kids as a child/young teenager.

Finally, regarding driving. Although some people have perfectly decent lives without being able to drive, I know/have known quite a number of people who can't drive, who find it very restrictive. It limits their career opportunities, it take 2 or 3 times longer to take to most places, and they often have to depend on people for things like hospital appointments, and anywhere really that is hard to get to by public transport.

And when you have children, it can be very life-limiting for them too, as they can't go to some things that all their mates are going to. There's only so many times you can depend on other people running your children around.

In addition, many people in a relationship with a non-driver, get tired of ALWAYS being the designated driver. It's exhausting and time-consuming, and resentment sets in very quickly. Me and DH have both been able to drive for thirty-odd years, and we generally share the driving. We know several couples who have one of them who doesn't drive, (doesn't WANT to, not can't,) and the other person is deeply resentful of it.

Yeah, a few people who don't drive, don't do it for a valid reason, but there are way more who just don't do it because they don't want to/can't be bothered to learn. Some people will cite 'financial reasons' and say it's too expensive to learn, but will then spend a fortune on clothes, nights out, holidays, smartphones, games consoles, overpriced televisions, overpriced furniture, gym memberships etc etc...

I know that will piss some people off (saying all that about non-drivers) but it doesn't make it any less true. Unless you are a childfree adult living in the city centre (or fairly big town centre,) and have everything within a couple of miles - job, family, hospital, doctors, dentists, friends, theatres, cinemas, restaurants, pubs etc, etc; you are going to find life difficult not being able to drive.

It depends on your lifestyle. I use my bike for about 75% of my transport so for me it was really important to get my kids cycling too if they possibly could. Their bikes are not just toys. I personally think this kind of lifestyle will become more and more common, but obviously never universal.

But anyway, my daughter, although not dyspraxic, is not physically confident and noticeably behind her peers in most physical skills. She learnt to ride a pedal bike just past her 4th birthday but it was down to the big emphasis we put on it from when she got her balance bike at age 2 and the investment we made in a super-light high-quality bike that is really excellent for weaker, less coordinated or physically unconfident children (she has a Woom 2). This was worth it because of the importance of bikes in our lives but probably not worth it for the odd weekend pedal around the park. She is still not great at climbing or swimming or other physical skills because we put less time and money into those.

I don't know whether your child's dyspraxia does rule out cycling but if you value it, a lightweight quality bike with a relaxed geometry could possibly make the difference. So many kids' bikes are like half the child's weight, which obviously makes it a lot harder. Also removing the pedals to focus on balance first and adding pedalling later is a good tactic generally.

I'd argue driving is an essential skill. Your life would be very likely to be severely limited by not being able to drive. Your choice of jobs, partners, places to live, experiences for your kids would be limited. Some people can't and that's perfectly ok but I can't imagine not encouraging all our kids to get their license as soon as possible.

I’m in my 40’s. I’ve tried and tried. As a kid I had lots of practice and people trying to teach me.
One of my dc’s could never master it either.

I do t really think it’s impacted my life and suffered as a result. The occasional adult can be a piss taking idiot but then they soon back down when I remind them of their inability to do certain things. And as a child I was still able to enjoy others company as not even all bike riders had their own bike

My son couldn't until that age. (ADHD) Then one day we went to the park and they had the adaptability bikes out. They had a bike that appeared standard but it was better balanced and he rode it straight away!

Life won’t be ruined by not being able to ride a bike. However it’s a skill that gives a lot of pleasure once learned to countless children and adults. Persevering with trying, possibly using professionals S instead of doing it yourself if worthwhile, as many who struggle can finally learn and have another aspect of life opened up to them.

There’s a time and a place though especially for children with special needs for whom learning can be rather traumatic. Parents have to gauge it. For some, the trauma isn’t worth it and it won’t be worth re-visiting ever or for several years. For others, it could be that a professional teaching them might just make it a different experience and a skill they will then have all their lives.

Not all families are families who cycle, but we don’t know what they might enjoy later or find useful as adults. It’s a good skill for most to develop and it’s worth persevering with if there aren’t additional needs or those where a route to learning has been found, even through difficulties.

But for those with significant additional needs who have lots of struggles in life, this is one they might just be able to do without and just not add to their burdens.

@SnarkyBag

If he has dyspraxia it’s going to be harder so not bad. I would do two things. Get hold of cheap exercise bike so he can just practice pedddling and also take the peddles of his current bike and let him practice gaining balance going down gentle grassy slopes. Once he’s mastered that then you can try putting his peddles back on

Great advice 😊

I was about 10 when I learned to ride a bike. I'm still clumsy and have crap coordination as an adult - for example I couldn't get to grips with driving a manual car no matter how many hours I spent trying so I have an auto licence.

I am currently under assessment for autism and ADHD, though dyspraxia doesn't sound implausible either.

@KrisAkabusi

Persevere. He'll feel more left out if he's older and all his friends are out cycling.

I agree. It's an essential life skill I think. DH didn't learn to ride a bike as a child and it has limited the things we can do as a family quite a lot. He can ride now, but he has no confidence to do anything but ride around a field.

(DH found a bikeability instructor to teach him one on one, would that be an option in your area?)

Aw, dyspraxia can make it tough. I'm autistic and didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 11, never learnt confidently or how to ride on roads etc. I didn't ride for so long that I forgot how to do it (people always say this isn't possible but for neurodiverse people it definitely is as I also forgot how to swim after a similar time gap!). DH retaught me when I was 22 but I was never confident enough to ride on the road and haven't rode in years again so god knows if I would remember how. I would encourage them if they're interested (as I was) but if there's no interest I would leave it. I know a few NT people who never learnt to ride a bike and realistically most people I know rarely bike ride.

If he doesn't want to, I would push him. I haven't been on a bike since I was about 12, and I don't plan to be anytime soon.
My near 13 year old can't swim. He's always been scared of the water. Took us years to persuade him to go in. The 7 year old can't swim either even although he absolutely loves the water. We just don't go swimming enough.

Yes, it's embarrassing, like not being able to .... tie your own shoelaces. Easily addressed. Years ago mn recommended : Get him to a teacher. Who deals specifically with those struggling to learn. I took Ds2. He had him sorted in 2 lessons. Best thing I ever did.

I only learned to ride without stabilisers when I was 10. Mainly because that was when I was old enough to nick a couple of spanners out of the cupboard to take off the stabiliser (yes, there was only one of them) and raise the seat so that my feet weren't flat on the ground.

I then took it out the front and learned to ride it on a decent surface (a lumpy grassed area in case of falls and then the pavement half an hour later), rather than being expected to prove I could ride perfectly on a fifteen foot uneven concrete path sloping down the garden before I was allowed to actually feel what pedalling properly was like.

Had balance bikes existed when I was smaller, I could guarantee that I'd have ended up with one of those or the pedals would have been removed and lost forever. As it was, it was too small for me within about 3 months of learning and I didn't get another bike until I was in my twenties.

I'd actually suggest that you find a way of raising the back wheel so that he can feel the resistance of moving it properly. Make sure he has a proper bike where you can stand on the pedals, freewheel and feel the 'bite' as you start pedalling again. Like the frames you can use to turn a normal bike into an exercise bike. And chunky tyres (such as in mountain bikes) are far, far more comfortable to balance and adapt on than slick racer type ones.

I was 38 when I first got on a bike. It was a bit embarrassing having my neighbour holding on to the seat and running alongside while I pedalled up and down the road but I soon picked it up.

I'm 27 and can't ride a bike 🤷🏽‍♀️

Keep trying, but make it fun. Commit one day a week to intensive bike lessons.

My eldest just couldn't master riding a bike. We spent many, many Sunday mornings in the local park running alongside him, picking up him and that damned bike and getting him back on it. He kept saying he had no interest in riding a bike but we told him he might do one day. I said all he has to do is learn, then if he chooses to, he never has to ride a bike again, but at least he knows he can.

He's in his twenties now and regularly goes on long bike rides with friends. He never mentions those torturous Sunday mornings in the park though.

Riding a bike isn’t a vital life skill

I would say it is.