Is it really bad that 10 year old can’t ride bike?

[Fattydoggy]

My 10 yr old can’t ride a bike. He has had a bike since he was 3. Always peddled backwards and got fed up quickly. He loves his scooter. We always get him a bike that fits but never push him too much to learn because he doesn’t want to. He does have dyspraxia which I believe makes it much harder for him.

Today, we met friends at the park for the first time in ages quite excitedly. They had a lovely time but our friends kids were wanting to swap their bikes with his scooter and so on. He was peddling backwards and could not balance well. He looked really embarrassed he couldn’t ride it properly. Is it too late for us to push it. He doesn’t want to. Was thinking about getting a valance bike for older kids (if they exist)

@TeenMinusTests

Given he has dyspraxia and isn't keen to learn, I'd leave it. Tell him that if he ever changes his mind you'll take him somewhere 'out of area' to learn if he wants to. My eldest with dyspraxia learned but was never really 'safe', as she couldn't judge stopping, or when to pull out for parked cars etc so couldn't go on road. She did later however pass her driving test first time (in an automatic) age 17.

I was going to say similar. I have dyspraxia and riding a bike is still impossible even now I am mid 30s I can probably go a few metres on straight/flat path but no way could I “go out riding a bike” it would be really dangerous! I wanted to be able to do it so much, and still do really cos I could get places quicker, but the dyspraxia can make things so difficult sometimes and then it becomes upsetting cos you trying so hard but nit getting anywhere I just wanted you/your boy to know he not alone in this!

It's a good skill to have but not essential. My brother and I can't ride a bike. We can drive and do other things. Although my husband is teaching our son to cycle.

OP, it’s not essential and I wouldn’t upset him by pushing it when he struggles with dyspraxia. I’d worry about his safety on roads if he was wobbling about among lorries etc.
Neither of my DDs managed to ride bikes. They are now in their 30’s. DD2 learned in her 20’s, while volunteering in Costa Rica, as it was essential for transport, but didn’t like it and gave up straight afterwards.
They both live in a city with excellent public transport and have partners who drive, so they have no need of bikes at all.

I wouldn't say that cycling is a life skill like swimming (could save your life) or driving

I know how to ride a bike but haven't for years. It doesn't impede my life in any way.

What we found with DD, was although she learned, she still wasn't good enough to cycle around with others anyway.

I may add, in my 36 years as a doctor, I saw innumerable injuries among bike riders, from fractured ribs to ruptured spleens, and a few deaths. Bikers are totally unprotected in the event of an accident, and often invisible in lorry drivers’ mirror blind spots.

My 10 year old with ASD and dyspraxia has never been able to ride, he always found it too difficult to coordinate. We even tried a Strider balance bike and he wouldn’t use it. Just wouldn’t even try, he’d fallen off once and it was like he had a mental block since.

But, about a month ago, he randomly asked to try his brothers BMX - was a bit wobbly to start, but within weeks he’s riding it normally and without help! He’s literally learnt in less than a month, and you’d never realise watching him now that he’s only just learnt.

I’m clueless about bikes, but DH reckons it’s because BMXs are simpler to ride as the bikes with gears are more complicated. We’ve bought DS a bike with gears, and he’s been riding it this week, but he’s reluctant to use the gears for now, so we letting him go at his own pace.

Our DS couldn’t get the hang of riding a bike at all when we tried to show him. It took a little friend to teach him in the end!

DS learnt age 10. He’s got anxiety issues so although he’d had a bike with stabilisers from 3ish, he wouldn’t even try without until about 8 but he couldn’t do it and would give up in frustration. Then he realised they did bikeability at school in Y6 and the thought of having to say he couldn’t take part as he couldn’t ride a bike was worse for him than anxiety about trying again. So we basically took him to a park a few miles away and, after him almost giving up with frustration but being bribed to continue with ice cream, he’d got it within an hour. Within six weeks he was taking part in bikeability so cycling local roads with instructor.

DH didn’t learn until in his 30s (couldn’t afford a bike as child) - I bought him a lesson after our first holiday at Center Parcs when he had to ride a trike! Again learnt in an hour.

So don’t give up!

My DS has dyspraxia and was about 9 when he learnt. He'd had balance bike etc since he was tiny but always hated it. He had also had a year of physio by then, maybe that is something to look into. He was given stability and strengthening exercises. Honestly, we never though he would learn and then suddenly he did. Yes there were a few bumps! I wouldn't trust him alone on a road, but he does now go on the road. At first we would drive to footpaths. On the road, I ride behind him, a bit further out into the road because he might do something unexpected, I can shout at him if need be and he can't signal. He will happily cycle 45km now.
An exercise bike is a good idea to get the hang of pedalling without the stability problem. If he does decide to learn, find a path that slopes down slightly.

No way is riding a bike an essential social skill to function in society!
I remember being forced to try to learn to ride a bike, and constantly falling off/crashing into things. 30 years later I have never learnt to ride and haven't missed it for a second. Certainly haven't missed out on anything. Don't force him unless he wants to try.

My son has dyspraxia and despite a lot of us persevering over many years he couldn't manage it. We saw a physio as part of the dyspraxia diagnosis who offered him the bike course - he was 9 or 10 I think. It was an hour every day over half term. It was completely amazing, he managed to crack it on the third day and that was him off! They just had a really gradual approach and taught him basic stuff like putting the bike down on the ground and back up again, plus every child had an adult with them walking beside them. If you get the chance of something like that I'd take it...

It’s a life skill like swimming or driving, so you want him to have it if possible

Pissing myself laughing that riding a bike and driving are 'life skills' 🤣

Neither of those are life skills.

I can ride a bike, dd 12 can't. She was a scooter girl and can't be arsed learning. And thats fine. It won't hinder her life.

Not bad at all. So sorry he was embarrassed though, it’s such a sensitive age. I remember my nephew crying at the swimming pool when he realised his friends could swim much better than he could.

Riding a bike is a nice skill to have, but it’s not essential. He life Or career will never depend on his Ability to ride a bike, and in a few years very few of his peers will still be riding bikes.

But, a few low pressure lessons might help him if it is something he wants to try again. But not the end of the world If it is a skill he never masters.

My son learnt to ride finally age 9 at a council run cycling club. His dad had tried to teach him many times without success before that. Son has ASD and ADHD (though those weren't diagnosed until later). He isn't particularly dyspraxic but struggles with focus, distraction and has poor fine motor skills and poor executive functions.

His junior school did Bikeability courses and he finally passed after three attempts.

After that he did start riding his bike out on the road with friends and to school and I was terrified. He would weave around, oblivious to traffic. He come home moaning that cars "kept beeping" at him. His dad took him out for more practice sessions but his road sense never improved. He lost interest in the bike (got a skateboard instead and gets around on that) and we didn't encourage him to take it up again.

I suspect I'm also ASD/ADD and more dyspraxic than he is. I really struggle with balance, control and being able to take in what's going on around me. I finally learned to ride age 20 but have only ever ridden on promenades, quiet cycle paths or campsites. Some of us just aren't safe on the roads!

I would think it’s fairly unusual and will perhaps impact more as he gets older.
The dyspraxia will definitely make it harder for him but perhaps this year would be a good time to really encourage him to commit to trying.
He has got to want to though.

If you are in London, would recommend the Pedal Project - got our two riding in two mornings. We’re definitely some older children there. And second getting the lightest bike you can - Islabikes are amazing.

I learnt as an adult and I’m still not confident. My children learnt very early (before 3 without training wheels) because I couldn’t let them have my experience. It’s not a life skill but it is something that has always bothered me. Make a huge effort over the summer for him to learn and he won’t look back. Good luck!

I taught my 10 year old in the lockdown. Never really interested before (still isn't) but thought it should be done before she was too old. So go for it

One of my DC couldn’t ride at 8. He wasn’t very co-ordinated and scared of falling off. It became a big thing.

It’s not an essential in life but there will be phases where not being able to ride a bike is a hinderance. I’d want my children to be able to join in as kids and as adults. Bike ability was approaching at school and we knew DC wouldn’t be able to join in if not being able to ride and ride reasonably confidently. I remember the times I rode a bike as a student as a cheap form of transport and on holidays with friends. It’s not a life skill like swimming that could save your life, but it’s a fairly basic skill I’d expect most children above a certain age and adults to have. Certain special needs might mean it’s pretty unlikely to learn without a lot of difficulty and fair enough if people decide to skip it in those circumstances, but otherwise I think it’s worth persevering with.

We actually paid someone to teach DC. The council had a scheme for adults or older children who couldn’t ride and I think we had 8 1-2-1 sessions. DC took instruction from the teacher in a way they wouldn’t with us. They learned to ride. Several years on, they still aren’t the most confident rider due to never having done it really regularly and don’t have the stamina to do more than about 6 miles, but on holiday they can ride their bike with friends, they did bikeability at school and they have the basic skill to build on, if they end up at a uni whee everyone cycles. The basic skill means all they need is practice to build up stamina and road confidence which will also come when they learn to drive.

I felt like a fool neeeding to pay someone to teach my child. Really glad we did though. They gained a sense of achievement through it and it felt like something worth persevering with. There were no special needs in our case, just a child who want physically brave and who found lots of physical activity wasn’t intuitive but could do it if they persevered.

Maybe look into having a teacher. It can turn what can be an upsetting, demoralising and confrontational experience into something positive.

I'm 37 and I don't know how to ride a bike..that said if he is keen to learn I would keep going..there are balance bikes for bigger children, look at Strider, bit pricey but you can look second hand or save up if it's out of your budget..I would not encourage taking pedals of existing bike, regular bikes are heavy and not made to use as balance bike, he might struggle with using it as a balance bike..
Have a look at The bike club, it's a monthly subscription where you use bikes according to your needs without buying bike every time it doesn't work out or it's not suitable/outgrown..I'm not sure if they have bigger balance bikes I know they have a big variety of top range bikes in..

It's not essential. Nor is driving, since I saw someone else suggest that earlier in the thread. I'm 37 and dyspraxic and can't do either - it's pretty common for dyspraxic people to struggle with both, because there's a lot to keep track of and coordinate to be able to do it safely.

I can (now, eventually) sit on a bike and make it go forwards without falling off. But turning corners is still a work in progress and I suspect I'll never be safe to cycle in traffic, which is a shame because it would really make life easier for me if I could. But I've learnt that there are some things I just can't do, no matter how much I want to and how frustrating it is that I can't, because that's just not how my brain/body work.

And while it's frustrating and disappointing sometimes, it's not the end of the world and there are always ways round things, even if they're not ideal. I'm sure you already do, but please try to encourage him not to feel terrible about the things he struggles with - it's not through lack of effort, if there are things he can't do, and he probably feels embarrassed and annoyed with himself about not being able to do something that everyone tells him is easy if he just

Mine has dyspraxia but managed to learn after a couple years of trying. What worked for us was to find a small slope (not grass) and get them to push off and just lift their feet as they go down the slope - no need to take the pedals off. This teaches them to balance. Do this over and over until they are confident. Then get them to do it and try to just put their feet on the pedals, then when they can put their feet on the pedals confidently get them to try pedaling when they get to the bottom of the slope.

I have 5 who all struggled to learn to ride. It was weird to me as I picked it up very quickly despite being incredibly clumsy.

I found it really hard to teach them so eventually gave up.

My second child is at a special school. When he was 12 they gave him bike lessons and he quickly learned to ride so I kindly asked the lady who ran them if she'd teach my others. She managed it pretty quickly, amazing woman! 3 of them don't ride unless they have to (they went/go to Explorers and sometimes do cycling on camps etc) but my second and youngest enjoy going for a ride now.

There was also a charity here who helped kids with SEN learn to ride, I don't know if you have anything like that near you? It certainly helped outsourcing the learning for me. I'm not a very patient teacher!