What is this behaviour by teacher?

[accesstheinternet]

Class of 9 and 10 year olds, about to go into lockdown, the class is talking about what it will be like and asking questions. Suddenly the teacher says out of the blue, first time anything like this has happened "and who will miss Charlie and his bad temper?"

Charlie is shocked and upset and the class sort of murmured "me" and Charlie's mother asks the teacher what was up when she saw her and the teacher said that she had spoken to Charlie and all was fine, apparently Charlie had lost his temper because someone had pushed him in the playground.

Then the next day Charlie comes out in floods of tears, saying that he had written down an instruction he thought had to be written down, the teacher had starting berating him and saying only he would do that, and encouraged the whole class to mock him, he had become upset at the berating and some of the class had laughed.

The teacher is normally fine.

@msbehavin

I'm a teacher (in secondary) and good natured, gentle teasing of students and their foibles is part of creating a warm classroom environment. I will rib kids for always being late, always forgetting things - along the lines of declaring it to be a miracle if a kid who's always late turns up on time, telling everyone not to 'do an insert kid name here' if there's a running joke about a particular child in the class who's always doing something wrong, etc. It's all done in love, the kids know I don't mean anything by it, and they love having a giggle at themselves and each other.

I'm wondering whether what Charlie (presumably your child) has reported back to you is a misunderstanding of a teacher trying to make a joke to show Charlie that their earlier temper tantrum was forgiven - 'we won't miss Charlie's temper, will we', said in a kind voice with a wink and a little pat on the shoulder would be the circumstances I'd expect this comment to have been said in. Likewise with the writing down the wrong thing - if I had a child in my class who always does things like that, I'd probably make a joke of it too- 'oh dear, never mind, trust you Charlie!' - said in a lighthearted and affectionate tone, showing it didn't matter and that I found their behaviour endearing.

I'm wondering whether Charlie has misinterpreted the teacher's behaviour and has read what was meant to be kindness as being nasty. Some kids really don't understand sarcasm, for example. If being unkind is totally out of character for the teacher, I'd be more inclined to think this is the explanation.

I am wondering why you're asking this now, as it was clearly an incident that happened a few weeks ago (before lockdown). Also, if it was a few days before lockdown, do bear in mind stress and anxiety levels amongst both teachers and children would have been high. Perhaps the teacher did snap. Perhaps Charlie overreacted. The truth could be somewhere in the middle. I'd contact the teacher, and arrange a meeting to discuss Charlie's feelings about the incidents. Even if it's all been a misunderstanding, the teacher needs to know how Charlie interpreted the comments so that they can adapt their communication with him accordingly in future.

I was often late, and I often forgot things. Both these can be signs of dyspraxia. I was diagnosed aged 11 with what was then called Clumsy Child Syndrome (no joking!), I suspect it would be described as dyspraxia now. Unfortunately, teachers thought it was amusing to make fun of this. or they saw it as a moral failing on my part. (Even more unfortunately, my parents didn't complain to the school about it even after my diagnosis.)

I got used to being laughed at and told off. I was trying very hard to do the right thing. This all contributed to severe depression and anxiety in my teens and a disabling lack of self-confidence which I still have now, in my 50s.

This was unacceptable then but for a teacher to do this now boggles the mind. Don't you know about dyspraxia/dyslexia/ADHD? If not, why not?

YOU say "gentle ribbing" . . . but you are not on the receiving end of it.

She's not bothered. Hide of a rhinoceros!

Yes she’s not exactly what one would call a reflective practitioner! Distinct lack of insight. She has a rare skill apparently - she can see into the souls of children and knows what they are feeling.......and they love it.

All the teachers I know who behave like that think they are a) hilarious and b) everyone's favourite where in truth, they are unlikely to be either.

Interesting that posters have popped back on a thread to continue pointing out how crap they think a PP is but don’t seem remotely bothered by the potential issues with the OP.

Troll hunting isn't allowed though!

I wouldn't consoder it troll hunting for a poster to identify that its unusual for a school to have had meetings with a member of staff over a weekend, and the information from that meeting has been unprofessionally passed to someone outside the meeting so they can update on Easter Sunday.
People can make of that observation what they will.

Troll hunting isn't allowed though

Ah. But coming back to a thread to point out again how awful you think a teacher is - that’s totally fine?

Got it.

As I said, interesting.

@EarringsandLipstick I understand you want to know more but you have sort of answered yourself as to why I am not posting more: You say you found some posts helpful which I'm glad to hear. In fairness to those engaging with this, it would have been useful to know where you were coming from on this but basically the people who posted helpfully appeared to know exactly where I was coming from though.

I think that for the teachers here (including @lolasmiles) the takeaway should be that if you have found this thread hard to read, just remember that if you do things properly in your job you will have nothing to worry about. Don't be concerned about people interfering in things "not their business" - if you are behaving appropriately and professionally you have nothing to worry about, it is only teachers who are not who behaving professionally who need to be concerned.

@smileeachday - in one of your posts you say I should hope that the teacher I posted about will not recognise themselves. Why would that be, then? Do you think that they would try to get their own back?! Is that the sort of thing an unprofessional teacher does?

in one of your posts you say I should hope that the teacher I posted about will not recognise themselves. Why would that be, then? Do you think that they would try to get their own back?! Is that the sort of thing an unprofessional teacher does?

Oh come on. That’s just over egging it 😂😂

I think that for the teachers here (including @lolasmiles) the takeaway should be that if you have found this thread hard to read, just remember that if you do things properly in your job you will have nothing to worry about
OP, your frequent mentioning of me towards the end of this thread is a bit odd.

What is really quite weird (and bordering on very very goady tbh) is that after I've challenged the teacher's behaviour in your post, and given suggestions on how to raise concerns several times, and discussed the negative impact of misusing banter in the classroom, you consider this a sign I've found the thread hard to read.

It's also really quite odd that you're now addressing what teachers should be taking away from this thread, when a large number of teachers have (like me) also challenged the misuse of banter in the classroom.

Strange really. Very, very strange.

OP, your frequent mentioning of me towards the end of this thread is a bit odd

Perhaps she thinks you’re not too far gone to be rescued by her advice.

It’s not as odd as the OP’s unwillingness to address the glaring holes in her story 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SmileEachDay

in one of your posts you say I should hope that the teacher I posted about will not recognise themselves. Why would that be, then? Do you think that they would try to get their own back?! Is that the sort of thing an unprofessional teacher does?

Oh come on. That’s just over egging it 😂😂

Genuine question which you have not yet answered. Why should I hope that the teacher does not recognise themselves? What exactly did you mean?

@lolasmiles I think it is strange and goady of you to be trying to cast doubt on what I am saying. Me responding to that saying that you have nothing to worry about if you do your job properly is not strange or goady.

@SmileEachDay

Interesting that posters have popped back on a thread to continue pointing out how crap they think a PP is but don’t seem remotely bothered by the potential issues with the OP.

And I missed this one - what potential issues? Exactly? What "issues" do you think there are?

Perhaps smile.
Perhaps I'm in desperate need of advice on how to handle a situation in the classroom, as someone who offered advice to the OP when they didn't know what to do about a situation.

[quote accesstheinternet]**@EarringsandLipstick* I understand you want to know more but you have sort of answered yourself as to why I am not posting more: You say you found some posts helpful which I'm glad to hear. In fairness to those engaging with this, it would have been useful to know where you were coming from on this* but basically the people who posted helpfully appeared to know exactly where I was coming from though.

I think that for the teachers here (including @lolasmiles) the takeaway should be that if you have found this thread hard to read, just remember that if you do things properly in your job you will have nothing to worry about. Don't be concerned about people interfering in things "not their business" - if you are behaving appropriately and professionally you have nothing to worry about, it is only teachers who are not who behaving professionally who need to be concerned.

@smileeachday - in one of your posts you say I should hope that the teacher I posted about will not recognise themselves. Why would that be, then? Do you think that they would try to get their own back?! Is that the sort of thing an unprofessional teacher does?[/quote]
🧐 I really am confused by this post.

I simply meant that if we understand your role (parent, TA, other) it has a bearing on the advice given.

I recall someone upthread early on saying similarity. While you say that other posters did get it & provided helpful advice, from reading back, I think most people spoke in generalities, as you did yourself, so I guess, ok, if that's what you wanted.

Your other points to smiles & Lola seem a bit bizarre. I feel like I must be missing something!

@LolaSmiles

I think that for the teachers here (including @lolasmiles) the takeaway should be that if you have found this thread hard to read, just remember that if you do things properly in your job you will have nothing to worry about OP, your frequent mentioning of me towards the end of this thread is a bit odd.

What is really quite weird (and bordering on very very goady tbh) is that after I've challenged the teacher's behaviour in your post, and given suggestions on how to raise concerns several times, and discussed the negative impact of misusing banter in the classroom, you consider this a sign I've found the thread hard to read.

It's also really quite odd that you're now addressing what teachers should be taking away from this thread, when a large number of teachers have (like me) also challenged the misuse of banter in the classroom.

Strange really. Very, very strange.

I agree Lola. I'm really mystified about where OP is coming from with this

@LolaSmiles

I wouldn't consoder it troll hunting for a poster to identify that its unusual for a school to have had meetings with a member of staff over a weekend, and the information from that meeting has been unprofessionally passed to someone outside the meeting so they can update on Easter Sunday. People can make of that observation what they will.

But I didn't mention a meeting. I mentioned that we live in a small community and everyone knew each other. Another poster who has lived in France has confirmed that this is perfectly possible. Anyone who has lived in France will tell you that far more is shared with people here than in the UK - when a new English person joined our school a while back they had been given my family's details and virtually my DNA. You have never lived in that sort of community, fine, but to say it couldn't possibly exist is, in fact, strange and goady. And the comment that I should hope no one recognises anyone here just beggars belief.

Genuine question which you have not yet answered. Why should I hope that the teacher does not recognise themselves? What exactly did you mean?

Because this teacher - as you’ve explained - will easily recognised herself as you “quoted” what she said.

If it’s true it’s a gross invasion of privacy - particularly as everything is so stressful in France at the mo. As you’re so very close to the situation perhaps the teacher concerned would be extremely upset about the way you’ve gossiped about them on here.
It’s telling, though, that you jumped straight to suggesting they would “get you back”...

And I missed this one - what potential issues? Exactly? What "issues" do you think there are? Read my posts, poppet.

@msbehavin your first post on this thread is one of the most shocking things I've ever read on here!

Your complete lack of self awareness is just incredible. I feel so sorry for any child who has the misfortune to encounter you.

poppet ? that speaks volumes about you and your boundaries.

If it’s true it’s a gross invasion of privacy and yet you have badgered me for MORE information? Saying there were holes in my story? Is asking for advice about what a teacher was doing treating a child like that an invastion of privacy every time, no one should ever post on here asking advice if it involves a teacher? particularly as everything is so stressful in France at the mo and what about the children in the class, do you not think lockdown is stressful enough for them? As you’re so very close to the situation perhaps the teacher concerned would be extremely upset about the way you’ve gossiped about them on here asking for advice about a child is downgraded to gossip, how? Every time someone asks for advice on here? You don't think the teacher would realise how inappropriate and unprofessional her behaviour might have been and the awful affect it can have on students long term?

I am sorry but your posts are just getting worse and worse.

sorry - that was @SmileEachDay

there is irony in that username

I simply meant that if we understand your role (parent, TA, other) it has a bearing on the advice given
I agree with this.

But clearly useful advice wasn't required, it's all been resolved over Easter weekend (without a meeting, because the OP didn't mention one even though they allude to it), based on some general principles being discussed on this thread and in a small community professional expectations aren't required as everyone is privvy to everyone's personal lives and it's apparently the norm for people to spend their Easter weekend discussing that the teacher is getting lots of support put in place.

Given such issues are seemingly resolved over Easter weekend in small French communities, it's a surprise that advice would be required from a largely UK based site.

@lolasmiles your posts are incredibly goady. And smileeachday has just got upset about me invading privacy already so she won't be happy about you again asking for more details. I didn't allude to a meeting, and I didn't say support was in place for the teacher, I said the head was great and the teacher will therefore get support.

@smileeachday two last things. Firstly you still haven't explained why I should hope that the teacher didn't recognise herself - do you mean that I should hope that in the hope that I don't upset her, then?
And secondly, in terms of privacy, only the teacher and parents of children in the class and other people within the classroom would recognise this scenario based on what I have said, and all of those people are key people within the scenario and what the situation is with the teacher is relevant for all of them - there are no privacy identifying details here that anyone else would recognise.