This may sound strange and will be long, so please bear with me.
I’ve been a long-time reader of these boards and this is my first thread. Reading about your struggles and joys on here has made me empathise more than I thought I could. I think we’re living in a crisis at the moment, exacerbated by but not caused by covid: of mental health, of loneliness, of purpose. People live to work and so many are falling into poverty and using food banks. Community services have been stripped back leading to crime and poorer childhood outcomes. You only have to read the myriad of threads on here describing how men treat women horrifically, whether in a family or relationship or just in the wider world, to recognise the ongoing sexism women face. Systemic racism remains a huge issue in the UK, which leads to poorer economic and life outcomes for particular groups, and is fomented by sections of politics and the media who would rather have those of lower economic means divided on racial lines than fight for their own rights.
Even in groups who don’t suffer as much from inequality, such as the white middle class (a group I belong to), many primarily find purpose and happiness through consumerism, in their next holiday, car, home improvements, buying stuff for their kids, ensuring their kids’ economic success, etc. It’s not to say they don’t get happiness from relationships, but studies show people are lonelier nowadays and have smaller networks. That quick hit of pleasure we get from buying something can often fill a void, can create a perceived sense of ‘social status’ and self-satisfaction, that in the past was perhaps filled with meaningful relationships and interactions outside of the home. I feel like the last couple of years of my life have felt like that, at least.
Because it’s Easter and lockdown it’s got me thinking of why we have these four days off, so I watched a documentary this morning about how Easter is celebrated in other European countries. I was struck by how huge Easter celebrations are, from villages in Slovenia to cities like Seville. Large communities come together and care about taking part and putting great effort into preparing for public processions, theatre events, dance performances, group crafts, etc. And not all of these festivals are religious - some simply mark the start of Spring, of new life, and have been celebrated similarly for millennia. Religious or not, these festivals encourage people to celebrate together and to think about some of the bigger questions: life, death, what sustains us, why we’re here, etc.
It got me thinking that the main rituals we retain in the UK are individualistic ones: baby showers/‘gender reveals’/baptisms, weddings, birthday parties and funerals. Communities don’t tend to get together other than when an individual or a couple decides to celebrate themselves. On this point, my husband and I eloped because we were horrified by the prospect of having to invite lots of people who had never met, and who we rarely see, to celebrate our wedding together (that included our parents, who don’t get on). Had we lived in a community where people already knew each other, we may have made a different decision. We’ve been married for several years now and we’ve also decided not to have children. Once again, our decision would’ve been different had we lived in another situation or country. The idea of bringing up kids in the individualistic slog that is the UK rat race, with unbelievable childcare costs, fragmented communities, the negative economic impact of maternity leave on women, etc. is just not something we can sign up for. Even after kids are born it takes a lot of organisation to get them into activity groups, when in the past they’d naturally go out and play with neighbours’ kids for hours at a time (dangerous, I know, but the benefits of this kind of early independence are surely huge, and the bonding is not so enforced or controlled).
Does anyone else ever think about this kind of thing? How can we get community cohesion back and a bit more meaning into our lives that doesn’t just involve buying stuff? Volunteering is one thing that I’ve done and is so important, but at the same time it’d be good to have some rituals back that unite us to others in our community through celebration rather than just charity. I wonder if it’s all lost forever. All this could be because I grew up in a large town and currently live in a small city, so if you do live in or are part of a smaller community and have (probably pre-covid!) experience of regular, ongoing festivals or rituals where most of the community participate, I’d love to hear about it.