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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are forever houses real?

120 replies

LovingLivingLife · 02/04/2021 10:40

I can't work out if I am being unreasonable to hold out for the 'forever' house.

We are outgrowing our current house and especially with us all being home it's getting a bit tight. We've seen a house that is bigger but I don't think is really big enough for when kids are teenagers. Husband loves it and wants to put an offer in. I'm worried we will outgrow it in 5-10 years and have to move again, I don't really want that.

This house is comfortably in budget and we could move straight away. It could be a year or maybe more before we could find and afford the forever house (small village, low housing stock).

So did you buy your forever house when starting a family? Is that still a real thing? Or AIBU to expect this to still be possible with the current housing market and prices?

OP posts:

Salsass82 · 03/04/2021 08:34

@msbehavin

I find the whole notion of a 'forever home' utterly depressing.

How anyone could actively seek out an opportunity to spend their entire life in one place is incomprehensible to me. I can't fathom why you'd want to sign up in your twenties or thirties to the idea of never moving again, never experiencing another town, city, country or way of life. Bizarre.

People should always be open to change. Buy what you love now, enjoy it while it suits you, but always be willing to move on if the fancy takes you. We weren't born to stagnate! The only 'forever home' I'd buy would be a camper van.

Been there. Done that. 15 years of living in London and having time of my life. 6 homes. 2 boyfriends. 3 flat shares with friends. And then one on my own. Followed by 2 years living in Spain.

Now - with children, who don’t want to move from my wonderful home in this lovely part of Uk. I want to stay here.
Lovely foreign holidays 2-3x a year, travelling over Uk visiting friends and family etc, travel with work but... home. To here. Hopefully forever

Bluesheep8 · 03/04/2021 08:44

I'm probably in the minority but DP and I stayed in our first house for 16 years. We didn't have children but wouldn't have needed to move even if we had.
We only sold that house because we chose to relocate, it wasn't because the house no longer suited us.
The house we now live in is our forever home. We may HAVE to move for unforseen reasons but it certainly won't be by choice. I don't see houses as steps on ladders or opportunities to make profit, I see them as homes to stay in.

Caterinaballerina · 03/04/2021 08:52

I think a forever home can be defined as one you feel settled in and that suits you, so it’s a feeling when you are in there. Do you constantly think about what else you might need from a new house and scour rightmove? If so I’d say you aren’t in a forever home. Could you think about how you might feel in this new home? Do you anticipate feeling content with what it offers or still holding out for more? Lots of people will assume our house is a forever house with the boxes it ticks but I’m definitely holding out for one more move.

folloyourarro · 03/04/2021 09:03

@Caterinaballerina I agree. It's a feeling rather than a literal explanation of a house. We've moved 8+ times since being together, the first house we bought was the first step and was always going to be outgrown, our "forever home" (bought last year) is the house we have been striving for that is big enough for our family with no reason to need to move for the foreseeable future. For the first time I'm not daily checking Rightmove, I doubt we'll really believe we will be in this house forever, we will likely downsize and not sure this area is for us forever, but for the first time in my life I'm not having to plan the "next" move, so for the foreseeable it is our forever, or long term, home. Plus I'm still traumatised from the hideous British process of selling and buying

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 03/04/2021 09:10

The concept of a 'forever house' is not always practical. In our area there price jump between 2 bedroom terrace and 3 bed semi is quite dramatic when you look at the average local wage....

FoolsAssassin · 03/04/2021 09:11

Starting to think we may be where we are for a very long time. 18 years so far and DC on the verge of going. We have extended and did so with half a mind to us living downstairs in the future and letting upstairs.

Have had a look for something smaller but can’t find anything I like so I think next project will be integrating the detached garage and making it into a bedroom and bathroom with vaulted ceiling as I like them plus French doors onto a little patio so we can sit out in the morning. If we put in a garden room then one DC has room to sleep and the other is younger so can retain room for now.

We’re finding we need fewer bedrooms but don’t want smaller living room and kitchen and in an ideal world would have a bigger garden. But these are like hens teeth and when they do come up people want them to extend so I am pretty much giving up hope on that front and will probably end up staying which I didn’t foresee.

The income from the spare rooms upstairs will potentially help DH to retire earlier than he might have which I also didn’t foresee when we bought it but very happy about now we are at 50 and see how little you get each month from an annuity unless you have a huge pension pot or Defined Benefits pension.

JosephineBaker · 03/04/2021 09:23

I think the concept of a “forever house” is sentimental nonsense. People change, areas change, needs and priorities change.

A long term home, though - that’s a sensible aspiration.
We’ve been in this house nearly 20 years. I love it, mostly because I’ve spent 20 years making the garden what I want. At some point my mobility issues will mean I will have to leave it, but until then I am very happy where I am.

notanothersaveusername · 03/04/2021 09:43

I think the only real forever home is the one you retire in. A large family home with 4 beds isn't going to suit 2 elderly people!

Mylovelyhorsee · 03/04/2021 09:51

I don’t believe in forever houses.

GoLightlyontheEarth · 03/04/2021 09:53

The trouble is with stamp duty at the level it is it makes it a very expensive proposition to move too often.

Woodlandbelle · 03/04/2021 09:55

I think I would wait. Try and Declutter and have space saving solutions. The house you really want could go on the market sooner than you think.

AcrobaticCardigan · 03/04/2021 10:24

Would it be possible to adapt the house as you go to create more space? Extension / loft conversion?

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 03/04/2021 10:27

I think it is something that can happen, but less likely than perhaps 30 or 40 years ago. Loft conversions and other extensions are options that may make this more likely to be a reality.

My opinion also is that it is not just about the house itself, but where it is, local facilities, activities that are available and probably a host of other things.

hauntedvagina · 03/04/2021 11:25

I think you can find your forever house in terms of location, providing that the foot print and layout can be changed to suit your situation.

We bought our current house with clear plans as to how we wanted to change and extend it. Following the pandemic those plans have changed dramatically. We're no longer factoring in a spare bedroom, instead we're going for much larger rooms for everyone.

We're also looking at house that will, in years to come, comfortably accommodate four adults working from home.

Homeworking for at least part of the week looks here to stay (both DH and I are now permanently home based) and it's fair to assume that our sons will be not be jumping on the property ladder straight out of education so we want to ensure that the house will have adequate home working space for them too.

MrsToadlike · 03/04/2021 15:51

An earlier poster made a comment about not checking Rightmove regularly....and it made me realise since moving to our current house 2 years ago, the only reasons I've looked on that site are either to look at houses in the village that are for sale (because I'm nosy and want to see what they look like on the inside ) or to see the properties that our family/friends are in the process of buying. As the earlier poster said, that's a sign I'm settled and not looking for anything else.

In our last (first) house I was looking on those websites quite regularly to see what else was out there, even before we decided we were going to move.

Original poster

LovingLivingLife · 03/04/2021 22:22

@AcrobaticCardigan

Would it be possible to adapt the house as you go to create more space? Extension / loft conversion?

No unfortunately not, has already been extended and loft conversion isn't possible. The only option would be to put a garden room in but the garden isn't massive.

OP posts:

Original poster

LovingLivingLife · 03/04/2021 22:23

@Woodlandbelle

I think I would wait. Try and Declutter and have space saving solutions. The house you really want could go on the market sooner than you think.

This is really what I want to do. Actually I think we both agree that we will be absolutely fine in this house for at least a year. Husband just gets quite 'on task' when he has decided something needs to happen. Basically he has no patience

OP posts:

Missingthebridegene · 03/04/2021 22:31

I think teens take up less space than little ones!? X

folloyourarro · 03/04/2021 22:59

@Missingthebridegene less stuff maybe but not less space, nice to have different "break out" spaces in the house so they don't just shut themselves off in their bedrooms.

reluctantbrit · 04/04/2021 10:32

@Missingthebridegene

I think teens take up less space than little ones!? X

Depends on the layout and size of rooms. I grew up, and lots of my friends as well, with a room which was a lot more than just a bedroom with bed, wardrobe and desk. We had sitting areas, comfy carpets to lie on, TV when older, we didn’t need a teen den or second living room, our rooms were our space.

We did the same for DD as there is no space and no budget for a downstairs extension, we found a loft was the better option for us.

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