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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are forever houses real?

120 replies

LovingLivingLife · 02/04/2021 10:40

I can't work out if I am being unreasonable to hold out for the 'forever' house.

We are outgrowing our current house and especially with us all being home it's getting a bit tight. We've seen a house that is bigger but I don't think is really big enough for when kids are teenagers. Husband loves it and wants to put an offer in. I'm worried we will outgrow it in 5-10 years and have to move again, I don't really want that.

This house is comfortably in budget and we could move straight away. It could be a year or maybe more before we could find and afford the forever house (small village, low housing stock).

So did you buy your forever house when starting a family? Is that still a real thing? Or AIBU to expect this to still be possible with the current housing market and prices?

OP posts:
Whammyyammy · 02/04/2021 11:31

When buying a house, buy one that can be extended. That's the advice my builder fil gave us.

Grumblesigh · 02/04/2021 11:47

We bought a flat that we thought we would only be in for five years or so, years before dc were even a thought.

Twenty years later, we still have the flat, now extended to roughly twice its original size and the garden overhauled. We kept thinking of buying a house, but we never found one we liked as much as this flat. And if we can still climb the stairs when we're in our 80s, I wouldn't mind still living here. Love the neighbourhood, great location and have lots of friends here and local connections, good schools, a choice of great parks, etc.

I never aspired to a forever home, just a home that I loved for the time being and that supported our current lives - I doubt that I would have chosen a flat over a house as a place to live forever. Just dumb luck that this flat was forever-worthy. And a lot of that was down to room to expand and money to maintain and remodel.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/04/2021 11:51

I bought my first house last year and it's my forever house. I am single, intend to stay single and have only got one child, no intentions of having any more so there is no reason for me to move. It's only a 2 bedroom semi so no need to downsize.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/04/2021 11:58

About to move into our first 'real' home after 11years in Military quarters. (6 of them in 3 countries).

Its the house for the next stage of our lives. Probably 10years until youngest leaves school. But we might move in the local vicinity in that time.

After that...who knows. We don't.

Zenithbear · 02/04/2021 12:00

Hopefully I'm in one now with dp and our pets. But it's not the big family home that people seem to think of, been there and that becomes too big, too much maintenance, lots of empty unused rooms etc. We've downsized and hope never to move again. We're early 50s and our dc have grown up and got their own places. We have two proper bathrooms upstairs and down, a room downstairs that could be a bedroom, manageable garden, 2 minutes walk to shop, countryside and bus stop, 10 minutes walk to town centre. We absolutely love it here, can't see us moving but never say never!

Original poster
LovingLivingLife · 02/04/2021 12:04

Thanks everyone for such kind and insightful comments! It's given me a lot to think about.

The 'problem' I have with the house for the long term:
Parking for 2 cars (3 at a push); village location and husband and I both have cars. Probably going to need more parking space than that with teenagers. Also no garage.

The downstairs is one beautiful open space for living plus one closed off lounge. Perfect for now but I would assume as teenagers grow they will want some privacy for hanging out with friends, or a music room or somewhere they can do their hobbies. There aren't any spare bedrooms that can be allocated to this.

The reason I would like a forever house is that we moved roughly every 1.5 years when I was growing up and I ache to be able to put down roots. We have found a wonderful community in this village and I would really like to mentally know I can stay (circumstances allowing) for the long term. I HATE moving house, more for emotional rather than practical reasons.

OP posts:
BornOnTwelthNight · 02/04/2021 12:06

We bought this house as our supposedly forever home with a growing family was big enough to accommodate all of us.
Been here 14 years now all but 1 of the dcs has moved out Dh is now making noises about selling up and buying somewhere smaller as it’ll be too big (it’s not actually that big!) once Dd moves out.

I don’t really want to move from this house, I love it but have said if we do decide to move it’ll be out of this area as there’s nothing round here property wise I’d even consider. But Dh wants to stay in the area.

So we’ll stay for the time being but can imagine we’ll be at loggerheads if the time comes!

Tal45 · 02/04/2021 12:06

But what about when they move out? If you get something huge you'll end up rattling round a huge house with higher council tax and heating.

Midlifelady · 02/04/2021 12:06

I move frequently and lives change so I don't believe in forever homes. 5-10 years sounds plenty long enough to stay in a house. I'm a single parent two kids and after five years I'd be getting itchy anyway.

TheSmallAssassin · 02/04/2021 12:10

Teenagers hang out in their bedrooms, they don't need a separate room.

Etulosba · 02/04/2021 12:15

I'm in a forever house. It's the first one I bought and, God willing, I'll be carried out feet first in a box. I have no intention of moving.

torquewench · 02/04/2021 12:16

My parents have lived in their house since 1970, and have no plans to move, so yeah, I guess they are a "thing".

NorthernChinchilla · 02/04/2021 12:20

My Mum bought somewhere that she intended for us two to stay in as a temporary measure, 3 bed semi....ended up being there 30+ years, my much loved childhood home!

We bought our forever home about 7 years ago, never planned to move- good size Edwardian terrace. But I'll be inheriting some money unexpectedly, so now we're trying to decide whether to stay and extend or find a new forever home....

AngieBolen · 02/04/2021 12:20

Teenagers need a room each and a massive fridge.

Older teenagers need a large drive for their cars.

Space to store useless uni text books and leavers hoodies is always a plus once they've left home but refuse to take their beloved crap with them.

TheMotherlode · 02/04/2021 12:20

We were going to move last year but decided to hold out for a couple more years so we can more comfortably move into the ‘forever house’. Our current house was our first step on the property ladder and we knew we wouldn’t stay here forever and so I just haven’t really been bothered making it nice, I don’t want that again, I love the idea of being in a house that I know I’ll be in for decades so I can really invest in making it a home.

GintyMcGinty · 02/04/2021 12:21

We are in our 'very long time' house.

Not forever because we will downsize in retirement and enjoy the money.

MatildaTheCat · 02/04/2021 12:21

I’d look at somewhere with the potential to extend if possible. It’s really hard to predict if your teens will be the sort who disappear to their rooms for five years or the type who want to be entertaining their mates constantly.

I’d agree that more than one social space is useful but it might take the form of a garden room, a semi converted attic or garage etc.

If you might need more bedroom space look for somewhere that you could go upwards.

We’ve only moved once in our marriage, our first house we lived in 13 years and extended it as far as it could go as we were able to afford it. Then we really stretched ourselves and moved somewhere much bigger when they were almost teens. I’m really glad we did. We are now rattling around but I like it so far that way.

Being constantly flexible with the space you have is key and not many people are. DS had a very nice bedroom so we’ve repurposed it as an upstairs sitting room.

MrsTophamHat · 02/04/2021 12:22

We stretched another £10k to get our house. It met all of our needs at the time and was in the area that we most favoured.

It does need updating and I'd like something bigger ideally, but we've been here 6 years and the only things that I would even consider leaving here for are double the price. Better to stay and spend money on making this place better.

makingmyway10 · 02/04/2021 12:23

We moved into our last house 15 years ago our DDs were very small. It was large and would work for as long as we needed it to. Plenty of room for small children and then teenagers . It was 25 mins from a large city and had countryside surrounding it. We were on a main bus route into the city and close to a railway station for when our dds were teens . It was perfect for our lives with children and then teenagers. They grew up in that house. Last year when our youngest finished school we moved out into the sticks and bought the forever house. It is perfect for our lives now. Actually it is just perfect! We will retire here eventually, our DDs will get married from here if they wish. Plenty of room for them to return with their own families one day. We could not be happier here. This is my forever house but it would not have been at a different stage in our lives. Smile

speakout · 02/04/2021 12:29

I don't buy into a forever home idea.
We bought a 5 bedroomed home when the kids were teenagers, they are older now, one is away, and at some point soon it will be just OH and I.
Although I love the house and the mortgage is almost paid off it makes no sense for OH and I to rattle around in our "forever home".
I want to then sell up, release the equity, buy a small place for us, give some to the children to help them get on the property ladder and have some savings for OH and I to spend recklessly on travel and gin.

Kottbullar · 02/04/2021 12:33

What @speakout said, especially the travel and gin part!

gabsdot · 02/04/2021 12:37

Dh and I bought our house, 25 years ago, a year after we were married and we've been here ever since. It was definitely our forever home and we've never considered moving.
We have 2 teenagers now and they take up less room now than they did when they were small.
The only reason I think DH and I would move is if the kids moved away and we wanted to be closer to them.

RedElephants · 02/04/2021 13:14

@Whammyyammy

When buying a house, buy one that can be extended. That's the advice my builder fil gave us.
This what we did 26 years ago.. Village location, Semi detached, the end of a Close, fields next door, 2 double bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen, lounge/diner.

A repossession at £52.000, as the kids got bigger we decided to extend to the side, borrowed another £50.000 from the bank.
It's now 3 double bedrooms, one of which, the master, has a en-suite, family bathroom has doubled in size, we now have a dining room, utility room and downstairs loo, the kitchen has alsodoubled in size.
We have a largish garden also.

We haven't had it valued, however the house over the road which is exactly the same as ours was ie 2 bedrooms etc no no gas, so no central heating, also needs a fair bit of cosmetic work doing to it, has gone on the market for £330.00

We won't be moving for a few years yet, we love it here.

Dishwashersaurous · 02/04/2021 13:26

Just thinking about your comments on the specific house.

Very very few houses have a driveway big enough for four cars. Therefore if that really is a priority then you are really limiting your choice.

If there is a lounge and a big open plan then surely either the teenagers are in the open plan and you are in the cosy lounge or vice versa. Why do you need three reception spaces?

dudsville · 02/04/2021 13:35

That's made me realise I didn't think people with young families could buy a forever house! Wouldn't you be stuck with a house 2x more than you need in your latter years?