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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are forever houses real?

120 replies

LovingLivingLife · 02/04/2021 10:40

I can't work out if I am being unreasonable to hold out for the 'forever' house.

We are outgrowing our current house and especially with us all being home it's getting a bit tight. We've seen a house that is bigger but I don't think is really big enough for when kids are teenagers. Husband loves it and wants to put an offer in. I'm worried we will outgrow it in 5-10 years and have to move again, I don't really want that.

This house is comfortably in budget and we could move straight away. It could be a year or maybe more before we could find and afford the forever house (small village, low housing stock).

So did you buy your forever house when starting a family? Is that still a real thing? Or AIBU to expect this to still be possible with the current housing market and prices?

OP posts:
MySocalledLoaf · 02/04/2021 13:57

Assuming your future teens can afford their own car, couldn’t they just park a bit further away?
If you have council garages in your area you could put your name down now and you’d be at the top of the list by the time you needed them.

KingdomScrolls · 02/04/2021 14:06

Does the new house have scope to extend up or out or floor a cabin type thing if you want the teens out from under your feet? I wouldn't worry about a driveway for teens they can park elsewhere, you live in a village not a crime ridden sinkhole estate. They also might choose not to drive or get a moped. You can't second guess to that extent.

MildredPuppy · 02/04/2021 14:14

Apparently the average lenghth of time in a house is 7 years. I think every home you have to be prepared to be stuck in a very long time because economies change. We bought a house we intended for five years and ended up for eleven years because of the 2008 crash and we couldnt move. But i also think you have to expect every home to be temporary because your needs change over time so you might want lots of big rooms with teens but they all move out and actually now you'd rather be at the sea. Also unless you are financially very secure you could have to sell and downsize.
Which is a bit on the fence really. I think you buy the best house availabke in your budget with a view to a 7 year timeframe and the rest is too far ahead to plan for.

CoRhona · 02/04/2021 14:36

My third property has turned out to be our forever house.

First was a little 2 bed house in another part of the country when I was single; second was a 2 bed flat bought with DH pre children; third is our biggish 3 bed house.

Teens take up much less space so now ours are older / off to uni it feels even bigger.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/04/2021 14:38

I agree teens take up less space than little ones. They don’t come with as many toys or as much crap.

Zancah · 02/04/2021 14:42

I'm looking for my next move. It's not going to be my forever house - I don't envisage that until I'm about 70-80 and moving to a small bungalow or apartment - but it's got to be the right house, for keeps until at least when the kids go.
Constantly moving is a waste of money, IMO. It's bloody expensive!

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/04/2021 14:47

Our we’ve been in our house for 20 years, most of them pre-kids. We’ve extended and changed it over the years and it’s currently perfect for our needs and can be changed if need be when the kids are teenagers. We may well move but not until the kids are leaving home when we’ll downsize a bit. I don’t think homes are forever but they can be very long term.

2bazookas · 02/04/2021 14:48

There is no "forever home" in our lives. We've had a string of lovely homes in great locations each chosen to suit our needs, numbers and circumstances at the time.

alanrickmanspetcat · 02/04/2021 14:49

We have a forever home - because we can't physically buy a bigger home in our area, short of building our own

We have a 5 bed, 4 bathroom, 3 reception inc garage and enclosed gardens. We are 4 mins from local transport, primary schools and local grammar (but in the interest of full disclosure - we are in NI and it cost us £285k)

Also exactly 21 minutes from the heart of Belfast City Centre

Very fortunate. Move was forced due to becoming pregnant with DC4 - and all children having their own rooms in our old house, due to age/sex sharing would have been unreasonable

Breadbun · 02/04/2021 14:51

Is this is a UK term? Never heard of 'forever house' but the concept is real and widespread in the culture I grew up, where people build their houses instead of buying them. They either rent or when they have enough money, they buy land and build on it. The unsaid thing is if you've built a house, it's automatically meant to be a 'forever house'. It's not given that label but they live there and pass it on for generations.

Mintjulia · 02/04/2021 14:55

I'm not sure 'forever houses' exist, do they?

I bought a larger house when I needed to find a home for DS and me. It needed to have a large garden, be good for schools and have room for when DS turns into a 6' teenager with 6' friends. Plus parking for a couple of extra cars.

But I'll sell it when DS heads off to uni and I retire, and buy somewhere in a less expensive area. I won't want to heat or maintain all that space. I'd rather spend it travelling.

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 02/04/2021 15:03

I don’t think they exist.
We bought our current home 4 years ago. We have three young children and it’s a large 4 bed detached with 3 reception rooms so we could theoretically stay here forever. We won’t though. It suits us as a family currently but it’s uninspiring and overlooked. We ideally want more land and more character. We’ll probably look to move in 3-4 years, depending on circumstances.
Apart from anything else I can’t imagine committing to living in the same area for my whole life.

msbehavin · 02/04/2021 15:11

I find the whole notion of a 'forever home' utterly depressing.

How anyone could actively seek out an opportunity to spend their entire life in one place is incomprehensible to me. I can't fathom why you'd want to sign up in your twenties or thirties to the idea of never moving again, never experiencing another town, city, country or way of life. Bizarre.

People should always be open to change. Buy what you love now, enjoy it while it suits you, but always be willing to move on if the fancy takes you. We weren't born to stagnate! The only 'forever home' I'd buy would be a camper van.

Breadbun · 02/04/2021 15:15

Interesting. Never thought moving home every several years was such a big desire in people or seen as a good thing. Everyday's a school day.

MargaretThursday · 02/04/2021 15:19

Well, my parents last moved in 1979.

speakout · 02/04/2021 15:24

I agree with others- what you need in a home changes over your life.

I have lived in a number of homes, each one was chosen to support the lifestyle I was having at that time.
So 20s/early 30s, no kids, good job, money to burn= city centre flats, not much garden, good space to entertain, close to work, restaurants, theatres, lived abroad for a time..
Mid 30s- small children, moved out of the city to a deep rural location, small village, space and fresh air for kids, little village school, cheaper property,
Mid 40s, teenagers needed to be nearer to amenities, activities, needed transport links, so we moved to a small town on the outskirts of the city- a bit suburban, but a big home for the money.
Looking now at my next move- will be just OH and I, may stay in this area and a smaller house, may by somewhere on the coast but near the city.
But I have a profitable business, so we may end up back in the city- who knows where I will be in 10 years time.
That's the fun of life- nothing is predictable, and I am glad about that!!

LaMariposa · 02/04/2021 15:33

We are moving to our next home. We’ve been in this one 9 years, moved in as a couple and leaving as a family of 4. DH and I want something bigger and a house in the dream location came up. I can see that the next one will be ideal for the next 20 years while the children grow up, but after than we both want to downsize to something more remote, without the tie of schools.

I think what I’m trying to say is that the dream forever house is something that can change through your life.

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 02/04/2021 15:36

@Breadbun

Interesting. Never thought moving home every several years was such a big desire in people or seen as a good thing. Everyday's a school day.
We have moved every couple of years by choice... we have sought out jobs in different countries in order to move around and see the world. We’ve stayed put longer this time as we have young children but like @msbehavin I just can’t imagine saying ‘yeah this is it, this is where I will spend my entire life’.
MrsToadlike · 02/04/2021 15:37

A few years ago I'd have said that forever homes exist. That was around the time we were looking to sell our first home to buy our (next step up the ladder) current home. But whilst we were looking for houses, and we looked at about 10 potential homes in total before we found the house we wanted, we realised that circumstances change so often and so unpredictably, that you just cannot plan 50 or so years into the future (we are in our 30s).

So instead, we bought a 'for 10 years' home, rather than a 'forever' home, which will cover our DC's baby/toddler/primary school years. And so it met all the criteria for those 10 years or so - in a good primary school catchment area with a great village pre-school, in a friendly village with other young families and a strong community, with good links to local towns and a city and for our jobs (before covid meant we now work from home), plus it's got enough rooms so that we've got a guest bedroom for when grandparents come to stay (pre-covid!) plus a room dedicated to a playroom, plus a big kitchen and a large garden for us all to enjoy. When we sat down and really thought about what we wanted out of the 'dream' house for the next 10 years, that was our list. We've been in it for 2 years now and it's absolutely met all those needs and we love it.

Will it still work in my DC's teen years? Probably not. I think it's far too in the middle of nowhere and at that point we'll need to be closer to a city. I also think at that stage we as parents might want to be somewhere where there's more going on, especially as our teenagers start to gain independence and we have a bit more time on our hands again. Having said all that, if we decide it does still work for our DC as teens and for us as a family, we will stay.

And this doesn't even include unforeseen issues like family illness/job losses/relocation for jobs etc.

ElderMillennial · 02/04/2021 15:39

We moved into our current house when expecting first baby, thinking if it as likely to be forever house. It is a three bed detached house in a nice area with big garden and plenty of room to extend.

It's the space to extend which makes it suitable as a potential forever home.

UneAstuce · 02/04/2021 15:46

Living in a large house now with the DCs all grown up feels ludicrous for just me and DH so we are moving. Plenty of people do stay on in the family home after the kids have left but I want a change. I never thought this house was a "forever house", just a "good for growing family house." Things change and that's exciting! I doubt the next place will be "forever" either! I hope not....

reluctantbrit · 02/04/2021 15:52

After buying a house twice I swore never to do this again, the process is such a nightmare. Unless we downsize and can buy in cash there is no way I going through the whole chain and anxiety causing process again,

We bought a house we could extend, in our case into the loft, and there is plenty of space in the garden to make things work.

I also wouldn’t want to think about moving when DD was in school, I doubt a larger house in the same area would be more affordable in the near future, prices do rise in line, larger houses don’t get suddenly cheaper.

I would look for a house which can grow with you instead of a now house and moving again.

LolaSmiles · 02/04/2021 15:54

I think phrases like 'forever house' are phrases designed to have us attach our happiness to big purchases, and with it have us continually chasing the next thing (and of course spending more money).

Personally, if I had options then I wouldn't choose to buy a property knowing that it's unlikely to suit our lifestyle in 5 years time, but then if you're wanting a property that has space for 4 cars then you're possibly being unrealistic in your expectations too.

99victoria · 02/04/2021 15:57

We bought our forever house when our children were 7, 4 and 1. It was our third place. We had a flat first then a small house then we brought this house.

It was quite scary at the time as we tripled our mortgage and I had many sleepless nights over it but we had seen several of our friends stretch themselves earlier on and it had paid off for them so we fought our natural caution.

It was definitely the right decision for us - we are still here 20 years later. All our children are now grown up and we still love the house (although we have done some alterations - turned one of the bedrooms into a second bathroom, gone open plan with the kitchen/dining room etc). Hopefully we'll be here another 20 years

Tistheseason17 · 02/04/2021 16:04

I think there are houses for different stages of your life.

We bought our "forever home" before we had kids. 5 bed detached, space to extend, ORP etc Plenty of space for young adults if they don't leave - if they behave they can stay as long as they like.

But, we now think that when the kids fly the nest in around 15 years we will want to downsize for our next phase. We do not need a big house just in case we have visitors and it would be good to spend the cash whilst we are alive!