Are forever houses real?

[LovingLivingLife]

I can't work out if I am being unreasonable to hold out for the 'forever' house.

We are outgrowing our current house and especially with us all being home it's getting a bit tight. We've seen a house that is bigger but I don't think is really big enough for when kids are teenagers. Husband loves it and wants to put an offer in. I'm worried we will outgrow it in 5-10 years and have to move again, I don't really want that.

This house is comfortably in budget and we could move straight away. It could be a year or maybe more before we could find and afford the forever house (small village, low housing stock).

So did you buy your forever house when starting a family? Is that still a real thing? Or AIBU to expect this to still be possible with the current housing market and prices?

@Whammyyammy

When buying a house, buy one that can be extended. That's the advice my builder fil gave us.

That’s exactly what I would advise We have purchased a house in a semi rural area. Lots of scope to extend

I don't think anyone can say 'forever' about any house, unless they're retirement age and buying a place that will be suitable for old age.

We built our house so we got exactly what we wanted, but there will come a time when we don't want to live in such a big house on a main road, I'm sure. I sometimes say that I'll be carried out of this house feet-first, but I don't really think that (unless I die prematurely!). I see this house lasting us for another 10-15 years at least. After that - who knows?

Yes we bought our house together knowing we wanted a family in the future and didn’t want to buy a small ‘starter’ home only to have to move in 5 years time.

Thankfully timing was everything, friends thought we were a bit mad to buy such a big / expensive house at the time but within 2 years they were all looking to move and step up the property ladder.
So not only did they have all of the associated buying & selling costs / headaches but in that time house prices had shot up massively and suddenly our house had been a total bargain.

But that was luck of the market and timing is everything. We have no plans to ever move from this house so we are one and done. Kirsty would be so proud 😆

We didn't buy our first house until the kids were 6 and 3, it was well timed in that we were past the awkward baby/toddler stage and all the paraphernalia that brings so size wasn't too much of an issue, but it was never going to suit us for long. We managed to upsize to the long term family home 3 years later, we needed to move areas (and thus schools) in order to purchase the big house sooner rather than later, our goal was to be in the long term home before secondary school.

We're in our forever home and have been for 20 years now. When we moved in DC were 8, 7 and 5. We then had two more DC.

I love this house - we've been here a long time. We could never afford to do it up properly, so we've got mice and the roof leaks a bit. We occasionally go up and shift slates around/patch it. We also need new windows.

However, because it's old and large and draughty it costs a lot to run every month. The mortgage is nearly paid off but I'm probably 10 years off retirement, only a teen still left at home.

It makes me sad to think of downsizing, but if I'm honest I don't think we'll have any choice. I don't think we can afford to live here as pensioners.

I don't regret buying it though.

Everyone saying that teens take up little space etc

It’s whether you want your teen coming back to yours and socialise or you want them out at other times

I want the former
So getting a garden room built.

I’m in my forever home. Absolutely love it

I wanted what I had for my children. I was born in my home and moved when I went to university
I knew every crevice, every mark, every bit. It was home.

Been here for all bye a year of my children’s lives.

The key for me was location. Needed to be convenient for schools and generally life.

And it’s bloody wonderful as managed to find just that - but with peace and lovely view and garden!

Salarymallory

I agree.
Teens don't take up space with toys and activities, but they increasingly need time away from parents.
Ideally some of that will be home ( you know where they are at least!!)
So if my teens had friends over to visit or sleepovers it was also good for them to have downstairs space ( we have a dining area off the kitchen and also a garden room)
So they could cook and eat breakfast, have an area to hang out downstairs without parents etc.
I would suggest that teens need more space - not less- unless you wan them to hang out elsewhere.

The real issue is that moving is damn expensive- the amount of tax you pay could be huge & you may not get that back when you sell. So I would be looking for somewhere to last till the kids leave home. moving again in five years is throwing money away.

We moved into our forever home twenty years ago when the DC were primary school age. It's been plenty big enough for a growing family. They've grown up here, we're still very happy here, the mortgage is paid off and it's ours. So yes, it's our forever home.

Wow so many different approaches to this.

To answer a few people who say why would you even want that - I love a feeling of community. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled to be part of a supportive and fun community where people know eachother and are there for eachother. I think it gives children a lot of stability and a network of people to learn from; I missed that in my childhood.

With regards to getting itchy feet, we travel lots and that is enough to keep it at bay for a while.

On a practical note, I think what everyone has said about a house having potential for extension is a really good point. This one doesn't other than putting in a garden room.

I actually hadn't given much thought to what happens after kids leave, rooky mistake. Though perhaps as others said circumstances would have changed a lot by then, and perhaps we would be happy with a change of scenery. For sure it won't be possible to make a house smaller!

Circumstances can change so easily. When we bought our first and current house, we'd just had our first baby and had previously been renting a flat. The area was nice enough, it's a 1930s 3 bedroom semi, fine for our expected needs with our plan to have two children. As far as we were concerned we'd never have to move.

Fast forward 9 years, we do have two children. DH now works from home due to Covid, and is unlikely to ever be in the office full time again. We don't have a workspace for him so he works from the dining room. We eat around his work paraphernalia every week night 🙄
I also didn't ever expect to return to full time teaching, but I have and earn a higher wage than expected. DH got an unexpected promotion, so we're financially more secure than we thought we'd be. Also, despite having lived in this area all my life, I didn't really realise how boring it was until recently. There's nothing to do. It's a dull suburban nightmare. It cost £25 to get home from a night out in a taxi. The house itself gets on my nerves, we're forever dealing with damp and other irritating niggles.

I now have my heart set on a new build in a much nicer area of the city. I think THAT will be my forever home, unless we move abroad.

About space for teens, I think it depends on the house and the size of bedrooms.

We purposely designed the loft extension to create a large room for DD, it’s a lot bigger than the master bedroom but it means she has enough space for sitting without being on her bed, a decent size desk with space for laptop and paperwork, lots of cupboards and shelves. She can easily entertain friends and have them for sleepovers. I had a similar room at my parents and it was absolutely great to not just have space for a small bed and a desk.

I doubt our budget would have stretched enough for a house with enough space downstairs to create a second living room/den and a outward extension is a lot more expensive and subject to more permissions than a loft.

I think of my house as my 'forever' house but I think my definition of forever is not quite right 🤦‍♀️.

We bought it before we were married and should do us until the kids fly the nest. We could move for jobs at some point (you never know what's around the corner) but don't intend to, I moved a lot as a child and hated it so want to stay put if we can. So 20+ years in the same house.

I’ve never envisaged myself in a ‘forever house’. When I was growing up, we lived in one house when I was little, another in juniors and as a teen, then when we grew up my folks bought a different place where they now live.

We’re only on our first purchased home, having rented for the past 15 years, but I like the idea that we’ll move to different places over the course of our lifetime. Now, we’re in a 3 bed 2.5 bath suburban family home, but as we age I see us more in a nice flat closer into a city. And definitely in a different country!

If a lovely house has come up, go for it!

LovingLivingLife

You assume that other people stay put- they don't.
Looking at my childhood home- within 15 years or afer I became an adult there were few "original"neighbours.
Communities are not fixed, people move, nothing is solid.

We bought our forever house before kids. It was the second house for both of us, first one jointly owned. I knew it was my forever house the second I saw it on Rightmove and confirmed that feeling at the first viewing. I can't see myself ever moving, unless a job takes us overseas for a while or something, in which case I'd rent it out and come back here eventually.

I love my house. It is hard work, has needed (and still does need) everything doing to it, but it is my home. It was my home from the first time I saw it.

@speakout

LovingLivingLife

You assume that other people stay put- they don't.
Looking at my childhood home- within 15 years or afer I became an adult there were few "original"neighbours.
Communities are not fixed, people move, nothing is solid.

Yes you are right about my assumption, as well as my assumption being wrong. However I am not sure that this is an issue or negates the desire for stability. Moving ourselves is obviously a lot less stability than a few people around us changing over the years.

@HappyAsASandboy

We bought our forever house before kids. It was the second house for both of us, first one jointly owned. I knew it was my forever house the second I saw it on Rightmove and confirmed that feeling at the first viewing. I can't see myself ever moving, unless a job takes us overseas for a while or something, in which case I'd rent it out and come back here eventually.

I love my house. It is hard work, has needed (and still does need) everything doing to it, but it is my home. It was my home from the first time I saw it.

Ah that's so lovely and gives me hope something else will come up!

When H and I first met I moved into his house which was a victorian townhouse. It was lovely and we thought we'd live there for a long time but the neighbours weren't great and we had a lot of problems with the house. Now we live in an old farmhouse conversion type thing with land in the middle of nowhere and couldn't imagine living elsewhere. We love the location, love the house and outbuildings, we run a business from here and we can expand our business and turn it into a real farm one day. It's most likely our forever house but if we lived somewhere with no potential of growth or change we wouldn't stay.

We wanted a forever house and stretched ourselves a little to get it. With solicitors fees, moving costs, stamp duty etc it cost around £20k and a lot of stress literally just to move so didn't want to have to pay that again a few years later.

I also think (as long as it's a suitable home) it's great stability for children to move as few times as possible.

We have zero intention to move and have done work on the house to get it to work best for us, but we may move when our children are grown if they end up settling somewhere else!

Well, my current house is a tiny 3 bed terrace with no garden and no off street parking. If we can’t sell it, or afford to move, then it will be our forever house!

I get you don’t want to move - I don’t want to do the actual moving either! - but I think you’re being a little unrealistic.

We spent 15 years in our last house, and it was a really great house that DH had bought just before we got together. It was bought to suit solely him, but suited family life very well too. I'd have happily stayed there forever if it wasn't for the unseemly amount of stuff we had.

We moved last year.

Our new home suits our needs at the moment. It is big and in a nice location. But there will come a time when it is too big, and then we will sell up, downsize and hopefully pocket the change.

We bought our 'forever house' when DD was 1. Turned out our neighbours weren't nice people and made our lives miserable. As DD grew older we wanted different things than we thought were important when she was a baby.

Now, I don't believe in forever homes. Buy something sensible that suits you well for now and for next few years, but don't load all your expectations onto staying into your children's adulthood.

@speakout

LovingLivingLife

You assume that other people stay put- they don't.
Looking at my childhood home- within 15 years or afer I became an adult there were few "original"neighbours.
Communities are not fixed, people move, nothing is solid.

I live in a beautiful SE town (Tunbridge Wells! In the village area)

13 years. And hardly anyone moves as it’s just so lovely. When people do, they tend to stay in the immediate vicinity but just larger house (my closest friend... moved two streets down so that she got two extra bedrooms!)

Community is positively thriving.

I'd like a "forever home" my parents have been in their house since DBro and I were in primary school, and when I go home to Italy my gran and my aunties have been in the same houses all my life. My generation seem to be doing it too, the occasional houseshare at uni/in your 20s and then buying a house they hope to be in long term when they get married.

DS isn't 5 yet and is on his 2nd rented flat, I'm hoping that when we move next year we'll be in that house until we are old.