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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so disappointed in friends?

117 replies

starsandhearts21 · 01/04/2021 23:23

I started a new job this week after months of unemployment having been made redundant in my previous post. So my friends knew life had been a struggle for me since then. I'm early 30s, single.

Firstly, I had to let my friends know how the interviews went, nobody asked. So I felt disappointed initially at that, particularly because I would ask knowing if the tables were turned and I knew how important it was to them. They did know about the process and when I had the interviews.

When I told them I had the job, they were all really pleased for me. They were sending me messages saying its great news and exactly the sort of thing they can see me doing, that I should be proud to have been picked as there were a lot going for the role etc.

And then this week, I started Monday. Not one of them (3 I consider close) have sent me a text or anything to ask how its going. Knowing that i've started now. I was only offered the position last week so its not like there's been a big gap since I told them I had the job.

I just feel so disappointed and its really put a dampener on what should be an exciting week. But am I right to feel my friends should have been in touch and asked how it is?

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 03/04/2021 18:00

I think you're expecting too much. By all means text friends and tell them how it went. Don't base your happiness on reactions and well wishes from friends. Just be happy you have a new job.

ign0re · 03/04/2021 18:11

We’re in the midst of a pandemic, I speak to my friends way less than I used to. I’m fed up of screen time and communicating by texts/zoom and know a lot of my friends feel the same. The group chats I had to mute because there was too much chatter whilst I was out leading a busy life are now scarily quiet and it’s a little bit sad, I definitely have less texts coming through but that’s from my side too.
You getting a new job is a massive deal and you should be super proud of yourself but you can’t expect your friends to be as invested in this as you. They have their own lives and troubles. I’d honestly have forgotten when anyone was starting a new job other than myself and even then I’d need to put it in my diary. When I had a moment I’d think of you and your new job and maybe reach out but who’s to know whether that’s on your first day or the end of your first month. Just because they’re off for Easter and chilling doesn’t mean they need to be texting or calling you. Work on doing things for yourself and feeling good amongst yourself - it’s a very disappointing life if you wait for others approval etc

Owl55 · 03/04/2021 18:12

I think you are being slightly unreasonable , like many people the days in lockdown slide into each other and you suddenly realise you have forgotten a birthday or friends important interview or similar, give them a break and share your good news with them , maybe they are on a downer too

Purpl · 03/04/2021 18:18

Well done op!! Really good considering current climate. I. An understand how you feel a bit hurt. I don’t think they are rubbish friends I think it’s just at the minute it’s Groundhog Day and one day is much the same and time goes on and just forget. I suspect your friends aren’t all single and therefore don’t appreciate how lonely it is. Don’t worry drop them a line on group chat about how is going it and I’m sure they will be happy for you and prob feel bit guilty they didn’t ask first,

Roxy69 · 03/04/2021 18:30

I know how you feel and yes it can be very disappointing. I moved to France for a while and no-one asked me how things were going for me, just full of their own lives. It's the way of things now I regret to say. You just have to get on with it, but I agree it's extremely hurtful from close friends and I still can't forget it.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 03/04/2021 18:35

Op in the best possible way you say they are single so aren't busy but how do you know they aren't going through their own stuff?
Or are busy with family or doing other things.

Sorry but you should t rely on other people to make you happy and that goes for partners Aswell.

They all said well done when you told them you got the job and how they think it's perfect for you but your an adult,do you really need them to be messaging all the time?

Covid times have changed a lot of things for people and behaviours have changed.

You say they're off work for the Easter weekend so are t busy but how do you actually know?

Takwxiab2 · 03/04/2021 18:38

I can feel for you OP I feel as I went from my late 20s to early 30s friendships adjust. You move away from that closer talking daily bubble and onto more adult life's. I really think you need to take a step back and not take it so personally. As you get older you don't need to speak to friends daily and yes sometimes you may forget things that are important dates to the other person but doesn't mean they dislike you. Just send a message updating them. Also it's the first weekend lockdown has started to lift. Maybe they are seeing family they haven't seen in ages.

Bertiebiscuit · 03/04/2021 18:56

Just tell them about it anyway if you want to talk about it and they don't ask - people have their own stuff but doesn't mean they don't care -

Lemmeout · 03/04/2021 19:18

Yabu abit. If you want to shed your news, do it. Don’t wait, as your post proves, you might be waiting along time.
It is a bit crap 💩 but people can be lazy.

Kassalah · 03/04/2021 21:12

YANBU. If my friend started a new job I'd be sure to message and find out how she'd got on with her first day (and wish her luck the night before).

MLMsuperfan · 03/04/2021 21:44

That's the sort of attention I would expect from my mum or my partner but not a friend.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 04/04/2021 17:08

Oh for goodness sakes! How needy. They said well done etc - do you need a pat on the back for every stage of your life. You are being hugely over sensitive.

KitKatBunny · 04/04/2021 17:24

YABU.

Blueink · 04/04/2021 18:25

Congratulations!
Well they were happy for you. YABU & will constantly be unhappy if you have all these expectations of them.

Blueink · 04/04/2021 18:28

OP I wouldn’t get too despondent. The pandemic has affected people in all sorts of ways. I doubt it’s anything about you. Can u have a conversation with one of your closer friends and also begin to widen your social networks?

Saltyslug · 04/04/2021 18:30

Op just WhatsApp them to update. People sometimes struggle to remember things but it doesn’t mean they dont care

NinthCircle · 04/04/2021 18:47

@Purpl

Well done op!! Really good considering current climate. I. An understand how you feel a bit hurt. I don’t think they are rubbish friends I think it’s just at the minute it’s Groundhog Day and one day is much the same and time goes on and just forget. I suspect your friends aren’t all single and therefore don’t appreciate how lonely it is. Don’t worry drop them a line on group chat about how is going it and I’m sure they will be happy for you and prob feel bit guilty they didn’t ask first,
The OP said in one of her updates that the friends she is talking about are all single.
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