Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

My friend had a beautiful child. By the time she was 16 the playing field had evened and, although attractive, she turned into a "normal" person. Beautiful children don't necessarily make beautiful adults etc

By the way that isn't a jealous and bitter post, just the realities of life that peoples looks change 🤷‍♀️

@IhateBoswell

Ironically, the many many negative posts on this thread, indicate precisely how difficult it is to be beautiful. Not only do you get far more harassment from men, but also many many women can't handle it either.

😂 I could believe that, if we had seen a picture of a knockout beauty. As it is, we haven’t, we just have to take the OP’s word for it that she-
A) has a daughter
B) has an exceptionally beautiful daughter

As there is no way of proving this, I for one am basing it on the wording. “Exceptionally” is over egging the pudding imho 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree. If the OP had posted a picture of her child, and half of Mn was sniping about the size of her nose or the placement of her freckles, then I think @Hoppinggreen and others would have a point.

As it is, we only have the subjective opinion of a doting and partial mother, and the thread feels a bit like the more frequent ones on the Relationships board where some woman wails about how her DH is way out of her league, and how is she going to keep him from falling prey to the wiles of Linda from Accounts.

I mean, it's possible it's true, and Romeo the DH looks like a combination of Jon Hamm and a Renaissance prince painted by Botticelli, but it's statistically more likely Romeo is an averagely pleasant-looking man whose looks alone are not in any danger of inciting paroxysms of lust in the photocopy room.

Similarly, I'm just not sure I buy the OP's description of her daughter. Leaving aside the matter of her looks entirely, the whole 'her hair is never dishevelled, she chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely, invariably picks out inspired outfits that make other girls 'look decidedly jealous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe. ' etc doesn't sound like any 12 year old of either sex I've ever met.

And the 'enormous green eyes' sound as if they come straight from the land of Mary-Sue.

The absolute glee some people have at the idea the ops daughters beauty will fade and she will become average. I mean how horrible can you get?!

Unwanted male attention is REAL.

My friends 14 year old dd who is objectively gorgeous has had years of men of ages and stripes approach her and it’s terrifying. People pretending this doesn’t happen is very annoying.

I can't believe that so many people are connecting the chances of harassment to being good-looking. Men harass anyone who looks vulnerable! Much of the time it's not even intended to be a sexual advance, it's just outright humiliation.

I really think any focus on looks can be supremely detrimental. I have friends who are very hung up on their siblings' looks (as in worshipping them, basking in their reflected glory, feeling inadequate about their own opportunities). Presumably that's down to being treated differently by their parents during their childhood.

Unwanted male attention is REAL.

Absolutely & nothing to do with how beautiful one is.

@Atalune

The absolute glee some people have at the idea the ops daughters beauty will fade and she will become average. I mean how horrible can you get?!

Unwanted male attention is REAL.

My friends 14 year old dd who is objectively gorgeous has had years of men of ages and stripes approach her and it’s terrifying. People pretending this doesn’t happen is very annoying.

I think its linking unwanted attention to beauty that people are challenging. Most catcalling from vans, building sites etc happens before the men have even seen the girl or woman's face. When very young girls are targeted looking older is more likely to be a factor than beauty.

What has she been doing for the past 12 years?

LOL at the 'all children are beautiful', they really aren't, as a quick look into any playground will show you. Being very beautiful does make you an outlier which has benefits and also challenges, it isn't wrong that the OP has noticed this.

And the bitterness and jealousy dripping from the posts on this thread is quite frankly disturbing.

Some people are exceptionally beautiful, that is a simple fact, why are so many on this thread unwilling to accept that.

I can't believe that so many people are connecting the chances of harassment to being good-looking. Men harass anyone who looks vulnerable! Much of the time it's not even intended to be a sexual advance, it's just outright humiliation

If that were true then I’d get the same amount of harassment now I look older and more vulnerable than the constant barrage of harassment I received when I was in my 20’s and modelled.

I don’t.

@korawick12345

LOL at the 'all children are beautiful', they really aren't, as a quick look into any playground will show you. Being very beautiful does make you an outlier which has benefits and also challenges, it isn't wrong that the OP has noticed this.

Nice

she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.

I haven’t rtft but this is what I watch out for. Is she nice to her siblings and friends.

Some people are exceptionally beautiful, that is a simple fact, why are so many on this thread unwilling to accept that.

They are but I would say it's pretty rare even in the modelling & film world. Hence why Natalie Portman was offered a Revlon contract as a child or Thylane Blondeau became famous. I saw Angelina Jolie about 10 yrs ago & she was breathtaking, I've never seen anyone who looked like that. Literally everyone (including other celebs) gawked at her.

Maybe a beautiful woman will be able to chime in with advice.

My grandmother was beauty queen and model material and had to deal with unwanted male advances and jealous women. Perhaps teach her to recognise and deal graciously with these things.

I sometimes think the watered down quietly pretty version that I got two generations later has given me an advantage. I'm good looking enough not to frighten the horses, but not having to deal with constant unwanted attention.

I was very, very pretty as a teenager and young woman. Unfortunately I also had a toxic combination of low self-esteem thanks for my negative female relatives, and strong people pleasing attributes drummed into me from birth.

My personal life was a complete disaster for years and honestly I could have done with some better life skills and preparation for dealing with men and negativity.

The only reference my mother ever made to it was when I was about 13 and she told me I'd need to be careful with my looks or they would get me into trouble. I had absolutely no clue what she was talking about but her words returned to haunt me years later in a very difficult situation.

I don't think the OP is wrong to consider how best to parent her child and including in that the way her child looks. I don't intend to discuss my daughter's looks with her too much, but I will be honest with her, and do my utmost to ensure she has to the self assurance and confidence to make the decisions she wants to for the reasons she wants to.

I wouldn't mention her looks. Thee are loads of stunning teens who pass my house every day to go to the comp & the tech college. It's not that un usual (North London). My sister's friend was stunning til 16 then overnight got acne,gained weight etc & is now very plain & still big. Whereas me & my sister were plain teens, but pretty come 18 & decent acne cream. My sister's theory was we were used to trying with our looks, so once our acne cleared we still made an effort & it paid off whereas her stunning friend had never made efforts re her appearance so never did anything re her weight & acne either. (Sister isn't known for empathy tho). I genuinely didn't recognise the friend after not seeing her for a few years .

I was a pretty teen, not beautiful but tall and slender with long blond hair in a ‘girl next door’ way. However boys of that age aren’t really into ‘classic’ beauty, they’re usually after the girl with big boobs and lots of make up. The girls they turned down are beauties who wouldn’t give them a second look now. Just encourage her to be herself and not feel like her worth depends on her appearance and she will be fine.

I happen to think I'm raising 3 exceptionally beautiful children... They also happen to be extremely bright, kind, generous, polite etc everything you'd want them be (but also complete pain in the arses and piss me of on a regular basis!! 😂 😂 😂)

@smigg

Some people are exceptionally beautiful, that is a simple fact, why are so many on this thread unwilling to accept that.

They are but I would say it's pretty rare even in the modelling & film world. Hence why Natalie Portman was offered a Revlon contract as a child or Thylane Blondeau became famous. I saw Angelina Jolie about 10 yrs ago & she was breathtaking, I've never seen anyone who looked like that. Literally everyone (including other celebs) gawked at her.

Of course it's rare but people on this thread seem to not be able to even acknowledge the possibility that the OP's daughter is very beautiful! Don't even get me started on the way they are all sure she will end up as an unattractive adult.

It's like when an OP posts about a friend who is attractive and successful with a happy family life and immediately there will be 100 posts talking about how that can't possibly be the case and it is all fake and her relationship is probably abusive or she secretly has MH issues etc etc.

Many posters on MN seem to really struggle with the idea that there are beautiful people, there are happy people, there are successful people and there are some people that are all of the above. I can only assume that by knocking others down or not believing in others success or happiness they how make themselves feel better about their own lives.

Ok-unwanted make attention happens to all females. But I would also say from my life experiences, that beautiful women get MORE unwanted attention. It’s shitty all round. Women being taught how to deal with the gaze is just depressing.

I remember being about 14-17 loving the male gaze IF the male was attractive in my opinion. It flattered me. And that’s some toxic female conditioning going on there.

@OlympicProcrastinator

I can't believe that so many people are connecting the chances of harassment to being good-looking. Men harass anyone who looks vulnerable! Much of the time it's not even intended to be a sexual advance, it's just outright humiliation

If that were true then I’d get the same amount of harassment now I look older and more vulnerable than the constant barrage of harassment I received when I was in my 20’s and modelled.

I don’t.

You probably don't get the same amount of harassment because they think you're more likely to respond.

Perv usually take advantage of the fact that a lot of young women are raised to be polite or even to laugh off the attention for fear of not appearing humourless or unused to that kind of attention in the first place.

I wish that wasn't still true

Personally I’d just watch the situation. At my kids’ secondary, there’s a girl who is just absolutely stunningly beautiful. She’s also a nice person. But she has to fend boys off with a shitty stick. Particularly the kind of jock type entitled boys who just keep asking when she turns them down.

Hi OP. I’ve written and deleted many replies to your post as some of the replies are awful on this thread but I’ll be brave and put my big girl pants on!

I would be considered “beautiful” and it has caused me nothing but heartache. Unwanted male attention throughout my life. I’ve had friends husbands try it on, my exdh’s friends try it on, neighbours, co-workers, you name it.

I am also the quintessential people pleaser and rather than tell them all to get fucked, I would laugh politely and change the subject. I have been accused of stuff I have not done, did not invite and it has caused me nothing but problems.

My late DF met whom I thought was a childhood friend a few years ago (I am now mid 40s) and she had the gall to tell him that all the girls hated me because all the boys fancied me. Even decades later, that really hurt.

I have a string of failed relationships behind me and two failed marriages. My personal life has been a total shit show. I don’t trust anyone and not sure I ever will. My self esteem is non existent and I do not love myself at all. I also don’t see the “beauty” others see.

Whilst there isn’t much you can do about your DD’s beauty you can in-still in her a strong self worth, not to be a people pleaser and develop strong boundaries in herself against others. My relationship with my DM has always been strained and I was never able to count on her and seek her advice. I really could have done with some guidance in my teenage years. Your DD is lucky to have such a great mum and she should be fine as she has you to count on x

I don't think it's jealousy that's making people say that the OP's daughter's looks will fade. It's just realistic. And even if they didn't, I think the focus should really be her education and her general sense of wellbeing. I just don't see what 'special' advice you could give her that would help her to manage the attention without making her feel in some way responsible for it?