My feed

to access all these features


to assume that a teen is married to a middle aged man?

251 replies

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:32

My middle-aged white DH was in a large computer store getting his and my laptops repaired. Our mixed race (but looking more Asian than white) teenage DD came with him for company. DH mentioned that one of the laptops belonged to his wife. Without skipping a bit the engineer asked DD to describe what was wrong with her computer assuming that she was the wife.
DD was really embarrassed and walked away. DH says it happened before and he is worried that she wouldn't want to be seen with him in the future.
Innocent mistake or WTF? Would that happen if DH was out with a white teenager? Has this happened to you? AIBU to be concerned?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Enko · 28/03/2021 22:25

When I was a teenager I would at times meet my dad down in the town we lived in for lunch. (he and my mother divorced when i was 5) Day after Id often be told by school friends " oh I saw you with your boyfriend"

EEWWWW that's MY DAD...

also my dad was in his 30s when I was born so even more yuck.

Should be said my father is a good looking man so likely appeared younger but it is not nice to be told.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 28/03/2021 22:26

Yikes, happened to me when I was 18- both white, 30 year age difference! I still cringe if I think about it, no idea why it is quite so embarrassing!

HelplessProcrastinator · 28/03/2021 22:26

Happened to me with my dad once. Both white. A school mum down at the park assumed my dad was my husband. I was speechless. Dear dad was in his 60s and me in my 30s. Not sure who was more insulted. I’m a slob and my dad was always overdressed for every occasion. We didn’t even look like a couple.

Feelingconfused2020 · 28/03/2021 22:26

I had this when I was that age. Me and dad both white. My parents were divorced do I often went for pizza with him or something. My dad would always say "I would like X and MY DAUGHTER would like Y" because he hated it!

I don't think it's race related. In fact it's a bit like when you see a grandparent with a child and you aren't sure so you pretend you assume they are the parent because that's better than assuming they are the grandparent and getting it wrong!

FortunesFave · 28/03/2021 22:26

It happened to me with my BIL when I was 14! He was 32. We were out with my nephew (his son) who was a baby and people kept referring to me as his Mum! I was 14! I'm white.

Seafog · 28/03/2021 22:26

My husband has been mistaken for my father/sugar daddy more than once , always by a man.
He is actually only six months older than me, which shows how rough it's been for him, being married to me a few decades

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 22:27


I once asked my male boss who was about the same age as me if the lady in the lovely picture with his kids he'd put up in his office was their granny. It was his wife! I wanted the ground to open!!! 🙈🙈🙈 (all white people in this case).

Ouch. Thanks for sharing, this cheered me up but I feel for you at that moment of time!
OP posts:
Feelinghothothottoday · 28/03/2021 22:28

When I was in my teens someone contacted my mum and told her my dad was having an affair as he had been seen with a woman in his car. That woman was me!

Kintsugi16 · 28/03/2021 22:30

I followed DH and DD walking through our city once, they were walking arm in arm. She was about 17 at the time. The reactions of others passing, especially young men and older men, was interesting

georgarina · 28/03/2021 22:31

Ickk. Luckily it's never happened with me and my dad, but my friend and her dad were on vacation when she was mid teens and the hotel put the beds together with rose petals Confused

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 22:32


Ickk. Luckily it's never happened with me and my dad, but my friend and her dad were on vacation when she was mid teens and the hotel put the beds together with rose petals Confused

This is gross. Poor girl.
OP posts:
1starwars2 · 28/03/2021 22:32

Last time I took my Dad to M and S the shop assistant assumed I was my Dad's wife. He is 32 years older than me. I was mildly offended.
It may or may not be race related but I understand why your daughter was embarrassed.

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 22:33

OK. This is my takeaway for this weekend: Never Ever Assume Anything About People You Don't Know.

Regardless of their colour, age or anything else.

OP posts:
Mammyofasuperbaby · 28/03/2021 22:34

I've been mistaken for my brothers girlfriend and mother of his child (who was with us).
It would be funny except that he's 10 years older than me and I was 15 at the time and look young for my age.
People get so very odd ideas about people's relationships to each other but most of the time it's because they are putting fragments of info together so it's easy to make a mistake

Gladioli23 · 28/03/2021 22:36

I'm white, and I got mistaken for my dad's wife at about age 14/15 at my great grandmother's funeral. (Mum couldn't make it.) It was hideously embarrassing at the time especially as I have always looked young for my age and have never worn make-up.

Obviously I can't know what happened but I would generally assume that they just hadn't engaged their brain and really looked at you.

Gladioli23 · 28/03/2021 22:36

At them*

Shrivelled · 28/03/2021 22:37

This thread has reminded me that not only have I been mistaken for my dad’s wife but also my brother’s mum (two separate occasions). I must look incredibly old for my age! 😭

Sportsnight · 28/03/2021 22:37

Oh god. This has reminded me that this happened to me when I was about 17 with my (also white) father. I could have died of embarrassment. Age gap is 35 years! Is it more unusual to see dads shopping with daughters? Awful for your daughter OP, I’m not sure I see the funny side even now Grin

RatsolutelyFabulous · 28/03/2021 22:38

@Asianfemale not a problem, it’s awful that more things happen due to your race but rest assured with this problem, it happens to all of us. I do apologise as I realise looking back I typoed Rick your eyes when I meant roll your eyesBlush

RizzleRazzle · 28/03/2021 22:38

I was out with my dad when I was about 17 and he was early 50s and he bumped into an old friend who assumed I was his partner! We are both white

catatecheese · 28/03/2021 22:42

Happened to me when 16 on a plane sitting next to my dad (mum and brother in seats behind). Hostess referred to me as wife. Angry I demanded to swap seats with my brother. I think poor dad was quite flattened, mum and brother laughed and I was mortified! I think it was just an innocent mistake i was looking out the window and she couldn't really see me. But at the time I was a stroppy teen and how embarrassing!

ferriswheel20 · 28/03/2021 22:45

My brother is 18 years older than me and I get mistaken for his girlfriend all the time!

Oncemoretwicemore · 28/03/2021 22:46


I (dumpy female, short hair) was out helping a friend (female, blonde, petite) shop for a large item & the sales guy asked how long we'd been together! Thankfully, friend did not hear the comment or she'd have ripped a new one but it happens, people don't think...

Slightly O/T but I think it's nice that shop assistants nowadays don't just assume that two women shopping together for a big ticket item are sisters or friends
AyyMacarena · 28/03/2021 22:47

As a previously white teenager with a white dad, yes it could/would/does happen. It gets worse once the daughters have children and they go out together. Once my dad, my daughter and I went for a meal and my dad seemed really uncomfortable. After another family left he told me that they had been talking about us and how they knew someone like that and it was disgusting to have such an age gap/that he'd obviously left his age appropriate wife for me etc.

Scbchl · 28/03/2021 22:48

When my dd was born and I was 19 the midwife and then the health visitor both thought my dad was my partner 🤢 he was 50 at the time.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.