to assume that a teen is married to a middle aged man?
Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:32
My middle-aged white DH was in a large computer store getting his and my laptops repaired. Our mixed race (but looking more Asian than white) teenage DD came with him for company. DH mentioned that one of the laptops belonged to his wife. Without skipping a bit the engineer asked DD to describe what was wrong with her computer assuming that she was the wife.
DD was really embarrassed and walked away. DH says it happened before and he is worried that she wouldn't want to be seen with him in the future.
Innocent mistake or WTF? Would that happen if DH was out with a white teenager? Has this happened to you? AIBU to be concerned?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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Robostripes · 28/03/2021 21:41
Your DD may look older than she is. I’ve been mistaken for my DH’s daughter once and I’m only 9 years younger than him! Some people are just really bad at telling how old people are, as I get older I find it very difficult to distinguish between say a 15 year old and a 25 year old.
UserTwice · 28/03/2021 21:41
I think (despite it being increasingly common) a lot of people struggle with the idea that it's possible to have children with a different skin colour to yourself.
I'm a middle-aged Asian looking woman. My son is a white looking teenage boy. We get strange looks when we are out together which I attribute to people wondering what we are doing together, and we've both been asked by people who the other person is (e.g. my son sees one of his friends; they later ask who I am). I don't think we would get the same reaction if our skin colours are the same. We actually look quite alike, but I think most people see skin colour before they see facial features.
x2boys · 28/03/2021 21:41
Honestly I wouldn't be to concerned lots of people can't tell ages I bumped into a friend at my son's parents evening fairly newish friend who had never met my DH ,my dad had driven my I was mid 40,s my dad was 76 but looked a bit younger my friend thought he was my DH h🤣
Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:42
In the ideal world - it should have nothing to do with that, but even I am often get treated as a mail order wife, despite being same age, income and education level as my husband. The age gap between DH and DD is so obvious, that that may be the reason the assumption was made.
RatsolutelyFabulous · 28/03/2021 21:50
Every time I go out with my dad (both white) someone always makes a comment on us being in a relationship. Same happens if I’m out with my eldest brother (we both are pretty much identical in terms of looks)
It does grate on me, especially with my dad, makes us both feel weird. Feel like I shouldn’t go out with my dad mid twenties because I must be in a relationship with a guy twice my age
Honestly, it’s nothing to do with culture, just people being a bit stupid and not thinking. Definitely don’t let it put your daughter off going out with her dad. My dads my best mate, just tell her to Rick her eyes and correct said people in future
Bargebill19 · 28/03/2021 21:51
Meh it happens. Shop assistant had to make a guess one way or the other. They had a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Plus age gap marriages do happen.
I’ve been mistaken for my DH mother - despite being 6 years younger. Also my departed mil was mistaken for my mother. On that one, neither of us was happy.
PenisBeakerIsMyFavouriteMuppet · 28/03/2021 21:53
I’m white, so is my brother. He’s 25 years older than me, and I was once mistake for his wife when we bumped into someone he used to work with in a pub.
I was 20 at the time, and looked it.
I think given your husband mentioned a wife, the guy erred on the side of caution and didn’t just assume that your DD was his DD.
wandawombat · 28/03/2021 21:55
I (dumpy female, short hair) was out helping a friend (female, blonde, petite) shop for a large item & the sales guy asked how long we'd been together! Thankfully, friend did not hear the comment or she'd have ripped a new one but it happens, people don't think...
SplendidSuns1000 · 28/03/2021 21:56
I think there's just as much chance of it being an innocent mistake as it being a micro-aggression sort of thing. I was often mistaken as my mum in my teens when out with my dad and it's a common occurence especially with a young looking parent and older looking child.
Perhaps their masks contributed to the confusion?
Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:57
Thank you RatsolutelyFabulous Tinydinosaur RosieGuacamosie HarryLimeFoxtrot Lilao whatswithtodaytoday
It is creepy regardless of race, but in a strange way reassuring to know that this could happen with white women too.
To those who ask what it has to do with being Asian, unfortunately, when you are not white and something strange happens, more often that not it is to do with your race.
partyatthepalace · 28/03/2021 21:58
I think the likelihood is that your husband mentioned his wife, and the assistant (who let’s face it doesn’t give a fuck who the customers are) just turned to the woman next to your DH
But yes, I agree it would have been a bit less likely to have happened if she was white - though I think that’s more likely about the fact people still auto-expect kids to be the same colour as their parents. Younger Asian bride could have been in the assistant’s head - but I think it’s less likely than either of the previous explanations.
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