To think kids get harder not easier?

[Draineddraineddrained]

Absolutely loved the baby and toddler stage with my DD1, even though she was VERY hard work (CMPA, clingy AF, non-sleeper).

My girl is now 4 and OH MY GOD. Every day is tantrums, demands, rudeness, crying over nothing. The sweet, funny, interesting little toddler I had pre-lockdown has transformed into a person I honestly dread getting up in the morning because it's never more than 5 minutes before she's doing something I have to pull her up on or screaming the house down over some total triviality like the colour of her tights 🤦‍♀️

I'm well aware 4 is meant to be a really fun age 😔 someone tell me where I've gone wrong!

Should say I recently had DD2 so my patience is at an extremely low ebb, but she's been like this for a while!

I think there is no one-size-fits-all answer as it depends entirely on the type of person you are and what you find hard.

I HATED the baby and toddler stages. With a passion. It was soooo boring, I hated sleepless nights, I hated being asked to play being a doggy (and being told I was doing it wrong), I hated when they learned to walk and you spend the day leaning over breaking your back to hold their hands up while they toddle, I hated not being able to have a hot meal.

But what I cherish most in life is being left alone now and again, not always having to be there to do every last thing for someone. So babyhood and toddlerhood is not for me.

Mine are 5 and 8 now and I find it SO much easier. I love that they can play independently while I clean or get on with things, I love that they can get things for themselves, I live they can go to the toilet and themselves, I love I'm not "on call" for literally every second of every day. I love that I get something back. It's not easy - there's still hard days and with my eldest in particular we are veering into the murky waters of teaching life lessons and independence. But give my a room full of 5-8 year olds than a baby, any day

Is she at school OP?

Fearsome fours! It will get better again

I don’t think kids necessarily get harder - it’s just a different type of hard. Although, my eldest is only 10 so I’m willing to be contradicted by the parents of teens!
Having a new baby is super tough on everyone. If it’s any consolation, my middle one was THE most frustrating threenager (3 was worse than four with both of my big ones) with issues exactly as you describe. My favourite was one pair of shoes that she insisted on doing by herself, but couldn’t do by herself. I ended up throwing them out as the battles / tantrums were just too much. However, she is now a totally chilled 6yr old...
Remember that you only realise it’s a phase when it ends. And it will end. Be calm, be consistent and pick your battles. Some things are not worth the stress.

Yes, teenage problems are much less straightforward than managing a toddler or pre-teen child.

I struggled with my dd at 4, suddenly felt like we were arguing about all sorts of things that had never been issues before, so it felt like it came out of nowhere. My friend, a grandmother who looks after her granddaughter regularly, was just describing her gdd going into exactly the same kind of thing. Depends on the child of course but I remember googling it and finding it was fairly common to be a challenging age. So you’re not alone.

YANBU.

Mine are 15 and 8 - I keep waiting for a stage I enjoy but I've now realised I don't enjoy parenting

Disclaimer: I'm not saying I dislike my children!

Is it a lockdown and new sibling reaction thing op? My dc are 5 and 7 and they're great company, I love this age! I found the baby stage lovely but having two under two was hard, as were the tantrums but relatively short lived really. I'm led to believe that the teenage years can be...challenging.

They get physically less demanding and more emotionally demanding as they grow- but always demanding. As for 4yr olds the longer you can stay out of the house Entertaining them the better imo

Mine are 9 and 5 . Both got a lot easier after 3.
So much more independent , funny obedient etc. It honestly has got better here.

Thought you were going to say 11-13. That was really draining and I could do nothing right (apparently) and my previously sunny child changed into one I didn't recognise. Hopefully yours will sail through that bit, but no YANBU.

4 is still very young. I think it does get better when they are a little older.

Mine are 7 & 10. It’s a good age. Can play independently but I always know where they are. They are amusing and have far fewer tantrums (the eldest is very emotional and has always been prone to tantrums).

Can’t say I’m looking forward to the teenage years.

I'm well aware 4 is meant to be a really fun age 😔 someone tell me where I've gone wrong!

Who told you that? If you believe it, your expectations are to high! You also expect them to behave in a more grown up way and are more disappointed when they don’t. I did have fun doing stuff with DS at that age mainly because we were out and about all the time which would be much harder with a new baby. Lockdown probably doesn’t help!

Speaking from the lofty heights of parenting a 3.5 year old... it depends?

I HATED 4-6 months. Sleep went bonkers, couldn't do anything, initial adrenaline had worn off, BFing hurt... just awful. And there were ups and downs since, but 18 months onwards I broadly enjoyed and felt she was getting easier and easier. Now it's getting a bit harder again, in a different way - she semi-understands what's going on with covid, so that needs discussion in an age-appropriate way, I have to model behaviour much more because she'd copy any impatience/grouchiness etc, and she'll also ask about everything from homelessness through Down's Syndrome through why some animals are food through what churches are for etc (along with more banal stuff about her toy rabbit of course), and so I find I'm suddenly needing to have very different conversations with her. It's lovely but difficult.

I'm quite strict though, so she gets plenty of choice but if I put my foot down and she screams/tantrums that's her lookout.

Mine are 10 and 14 - I think 5-11 is lovely they are more independent and dont need you so much but are still sweet and childlike. Once they go to senior school I have found everything got much harder. At least when they are 4 you can fix all their problems still. DS starts senior school in Sept and I’m already slightly dreading how much he will change.

My boys were hard work at 5,6,7,8,9,10 then mellowed out now as teens it's an absolute breeze.

Fourmornals... not an easy stage but from there onwards, my DC were all delights. I love watching them become autonomous.

My eldest are preteens now so am bracing myself for what is about to come...

My eldest is generally absolutely great, but 3/4 was a difficult time. He was starting to emerged as his own person, if that makes sense? Bit like a mini teen stage, hence the term 'threenager'. Calmed down again at 5, and is now pretty chill again (well mostly, when not having sensory overload).

My second though. Not an easy baby, suspected reflux so cried for about 6 months straight. Things improved from 1ish, but then suffered regression just after 2 (suspected ASD). He's now a big 3 year old with the communication level of 18-24 months and similar mobility. Wants to do all the independent things of a three year old though, put own shoes on, get himself into the car, walk by himself, most of which ends in disaster and a tantrum of course.....

One if mine is getting more and more difficult as she gets older. She was an average baby and toddler and is now 6 but the last year there have been so many arguments, attitude, tantrums and bloody hell the moaning and whinging about absolutely nothing. She can be nice to spend time with but most of the time its hell. We did some craft yesterday she had been asking to do all week and she moaned solidly all the way through it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong!

Lockdown plus new sibling is absolutely masses for a four year old. I’d say this is less about what four year olds are supposed to be like and more about what yours is going through.

My four year old is frankly bonkers at the moment. Behaviour worse than yours. We’ve had some deaths in the family as well as lockdown.

4 is still iffy. My DS was the clingy crier with tantrums head bangs, he is 6 now he has moments overall it is easier by miles.
Hang in there.

DD was a nightmare baby/toddler, but once she hit 4 she was a different child. I have no experience of the "fearsome fours" and I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of teenage strops I had to endure. I appreciate I was lucky though.

I’m a nanny who adores the baby/toddler stage but things get so much harder than that (I’m not having to deal with the sleep side of things so that obviously influences things). I haven’t had my own children and would love a baby... but that’s it, I’d love a baby. I wouldn’t cope beyond that all the time so I’ve decided not to have children