To think kids get harder not easier?

[Draineddraineddrained]

Absolutely loved the baby and toddler stage with my DD1, even though she was VERY hard work (CMPA, clingy AF, non-sleeper).

My girl is now 4 and OH MY GOD. Every day is tantrums, demands, rudeness, crying over nothing. The sweet, funny, interesting little toddler I had pre-lockdown has transformed into a person I honestly dread getting up in the morning because it's never more than 5 minutes before she's doing something I have to pull her up on or screaming the house down over some total triviality like the colour of her tights 🤦‍♀️

I'm well aware 4 is meant to be a really fun age 😔 someone tell me where I've gone wrong!

I’m quite grateful my kids were hard work when little as it’s easier not to miss or rose tint that stage 🤭

They are now both at school and the younger one is having far less tantrums. Thank god.

@anothertimeanotherday

Small children, small problems Big children, big problems

This is true. Much as I love my adult children's company it's much harder when life goes wrong for them as you can't just solve it with a cuddle.

Just hold on a bit longer OP, mine are 7 & 9 now and it is so, so much better!

I'd just like to throw it in there that I know people who genuinely enjoy the teenage years. Even when they have sulky door slamming hormonal teenagers, they'd have that over a 4yo any day

You are mistaken. 5 is the easier age!

It gets harder in different ways.

Baby stage is hard due to lack of sleep.
Toddler tantrums.
Little kids are annoying as hell.
Preteen nightmares.
Teenagers who know everything.

I think people forget how hard each stage is and just remember the good bits. I think back to my newborn coming home from the hospital and all I remember is how cute she is or her first smile not the fact that I got about 2 hours of sleep a night for a month.

I am sure when I have a teen, I’ll think back to my toddler with only fond memories.

Sorry you’re having a hard time OP, I hope this stage passes soon for you.

I genuinely had an easy baby/toddler - never had a disturbed night .... the worse for me was the teenage years 13-17 .... thankfully it will get better ... DS is 20 now and life is so much easier - clearly helped as he is away at Uni!

It could be that she feels jealous of the new baby. Check out Jady A's video on YouTube dealing with this issue called "difficult child" or something like that. I found it really helpful.

@annonymousse

My kids are adult now. I still worry about them. As they grow up their problems become more adult and serious. I know they're hard work when they're little but you will look back in years to come and feel nostalgia I promise you

This was sort of where I was coming from when I said teenage problems are harder to manage than the younger years. Lots of teenagers are not difficult in themselves, and contrary to popular belief they don't all turn into parent-hating, grunting, pains in the arse, but if things go wrong for them, helping them get back on track can be the hardest parenting you have to do.

Thanks so much for everyone who has replied - both those who agree with me and those who think the worst is yet to come!

I love her really, I do - our bond has always been fantastic, so it's horrible now to feel so at odds with her on everything. I liked @GreenSlide's suggestion of bEing like nursery/preschool about the schedule - we've always been pretty relaxed about routine and tended to ask rather than order - which worked fine - until suddenly it didn't!

Looking at it objectively as I can, she desperately needs boundaries and to know no means no and now means now. It's my fault she hasn't had this, I'm famously overindulgent. And yes a lot of it is probably new baby related and she needs a lot more of my attention precisely when I don't have it to give her - argh. I ratchet between wanting to shout at her and feeling desperately sorry for her!

I think the main thing I need to do is keep my temper. Try and mentally detach from the tantrums. I feel very implicated when she's unhappy, like I have to fix it - so when she's getting devastated 8 times an hour over what amounts to nothing I find it incredibly emotionally draining and stressful, and then I become angry and short tempered and the whole thing just escalates.

Ah no, mine became a dream at 4

Does she have any time at nursery? Sorry I haven't read the whole thread

Both my two were AWFUL at four! Honestly, if they came with receipts I would have been sorely tempted to return at least dd! But they returned to being generally lovely. Four is hard I think because they want to be their own independent little people but aren't yet able to be - language, safety, boundaries at home and school. Then multiply all of that by a million this year with lockdown and restrictions on seeing people, use of play areas (ours is finally reopening tomorrow after being closed since lockdown 1), restrictions on seeing new people and places.

4 has been a lovely age for us. DS had a serious speech delay and only started speaking at 3.5, he spent years 2 & 3 in what seemed like a permanent rage at us as we didn't know what he was trying to say. It's like we have a different child.

Sounds like my DC1 who was delightful as a baby & toddler!

When they hit 4 and starting reception, they really became a lot more challenging! The fucking fours I called it!

No advice, just lots of empathy

so, mine are now 18, 15 and 13. I have loved being a parent. and they have been mostly pretty cool kids.

I think the 'hard' really varies with age.
Of course it also varies with your kids (good/bad sleeper for example) and with what you are like. I loved messing around with cooking and crafts etc when they were younger. I have loved the funny meme sharing they do now and I loved the snuggly baby cuddles too.

Baby and toddler age is relentless, physically tiring. But in a way the demands are fairly simple and straightforward (food, sleep, cuddles). Tantrums may or may not come, but you can pick up a tantruming toddler and walk away with them! But it is the relentlessness of it which does you in, no repsite, that dreadful 6 am MUMMMMYYY.

teenagers are quite different. Not physically demanding at all really, I get lie-ins and days off, and I am not in demand 24/7 but bloody hell the emotional rollercoaster of the teenage years has broken my heart. My kids are actually great, they haven't been 'difficult' teens. But they have needed support with stuff that I don't know where to begin. (trans issues, anxiety etc) and I feel that it is impossible for me to help them.

Honestly? I'd rather have toddlers again. I look with some envy at a friend with her 4 little ones, doing cute easter crafts. The only reason I wouldn't go back is because they grow up, and they will break your heart.

The only relief is that ds, now 18, has suddenly come out fo the end of some of it, and is reflective and helpful about what it was like being a teen today, which has made me see that 1. they do come out of the other end and 2. given me perspective on younger ones.

I love being a parent. But after the last 3 years, I think that given a choice of doing it all again, I might say no.

I thought the twos were hard work..then I had a teenager. Ye gods give me a pre schooler any day

I also found the baby and toddler stage really easy and fun.

I didn't really have any problems at all until DD turned 13 - just you wait OP

@Royalbloo

She's at preschool Attached to a primary 9-3 Mon-Wed and Thu and Fri mornings... Slightly dreading the Easter holidays as DP has inexplicably booked no leave so it'll be me, her and the six week old for a fortnight 😬😬😬

I think newborn (apart from the sleep) then 7-10 is the easiest stage. Currently in teen phrase

I read your title and thought yes, kids do get harder, with older kids and teenagers it can be emotionally draining, with younger kids it is more physically exhausting. I found from 5-12 was a wonderful time, no tantrums, they want to be with you and can be great company, then its crap again, then hopefully it comes back when they are adults/?!

I have a 5 year old and a 15 year old and I think I have much less patience for 5 - just so tiring! 15 is easier in some ways and harder in others - they can really cut you down at 15 when they want to! Although both of my girls are adorable.

OP I don’t think you should worry about being too soft, I am sure your kid has a very secure attachment and you are fab!