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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

830 replies

SylviaPlath1984 · 28/03/2021 09:22

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

OP posts:
AlohaMolly · 28/03/2021 16:39

@HeraInTheHereAndNow it’s definitely causing some tensions. I just keep thinking, but how can I leave him just to have another? I’m having intensive therapy though so hopefully I’ll make a decision that I can be at peace with soon. I’m so sorry he robbed you of that Flowers

speakout · 28/03/2021 16:40

No regrets at all.

My life has not been easy , but at all points Ihave made the best decision possible in the circumstances.
I never beat up my past self.

UntamedWisteria · 28/03/2021 16:42

Turning down a job offer in New York because I was planning to get pregnant.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 28/03/2021 16:42

My biggest regrets are what other people did to me nothing I've done. I've always been a good person, educated myself and worked hard. I'm proud of what I have achieved despite the things that were inflicted on me and which were out of my control.

doubleshotespresso · 28/03/2021 16:42

Being forced to give up work and leave myself with no independence, no personal funds or savings and no pension. I have reconciled that this is something that was necessary and the right thing, but it does sting and makes for an incredibly lonely/anxious life sometimes. I also feel as if I am existing rather than living most days-it's an indescribable feeling, rather trapped but unable to get out.

user1471554720 · 28/03/2021 16:45

I regret not finding out more about jobs especially ones which pay well. Everybody never said anything about money but just gave the advice to do sonething you love. However if you are very brainy in maths at school and if you becone a shop assistant it is very hard to make enough money to live independently of parents, not to even talk about a car, marriage and a family down the line.

I was very bright at school and discouraged from going to college. This would be fine if I was encouraged to find work in a big factory, which would eventually train you and promote you. I felt that as a female, growing up in the 90s, the overall attitude was that money is not important. You had to be seen to 'not think about salary or career prospects'. Initially, my parents etc told me I was greedy, trying to find out about job paths and what I could earn down the line. We were living rurally and I would have needed a car to go out and socialise for a night. In my locality, a lot of girls had office jobs and then got married in their early 20s. Maybe they thought a husband would provide a house... However, how could I get out for a night with no car....??? A lot of other people were confident and would get lifts, hint at fellows to ask them out. I am surprised my parents did not realise that this approach woukd not work for me and that I needed to have a job with prospects, where I could buy a car. Or else I would remain very quiet, living at home forever, going to work but having no social life, no car, no boyfriend.

DustyMaiden · 28/03/2021 16:46

I regret worrying so much. Which is all well and good, I still can’t stop.

Laughingstock91 · 28/03/2021 16:47

I chose travel over buying a house which I don’t regret as such as I have been around the world twice pre kids and had amazing adventures. But it meant I never bought a house as have always been one step behind and probably never will now. I have 2 wonderful kids though. And I don’t ever regret the travel!!

NotMyPremium · 28/03/2021 16:48

Wasting many years waiting for a 2 way relationship with my father and thinking that things will improve and he will make an effort. Only when I stopped making an effort completely could I see that the lack of seeing him was because he put nothing in and it was always me. Now I can see it and I'm letting go of any thoughts of a relationship, and I don't want one anymore. But years of waiting for him to turn up, jumping to look out of the window when I heard a motorbike, even way into adulthood I still did this every Sunday. What a waste of my time!

In a way I regret settling down young, married the first boyfriend I had, zero experience of relationships and left uni to stay with him. We were not a good match and my life and experiences would be very different.

However I wouldn't have my DCs and I wouldn't have met DP so I can't say I regret it but in a way I do as I stopped developing as a person as soon as I settled down and after we split I'm finally becoming who I was meant to be.

Ohnomoreno · 28/03/2021 16:49

Staying in the UK.

Veryverycalmnow · 28/03/2021 16:49

Smoking and drinking in my younger years

LudoBear · 28/03/2021 16:51

Not realising I had ADHD much much sooner.. Now 33 and struggle daily with ADHD related issues (awiting official assessment in June so I can get medicated) also wish I had realised I was asexual much sooner as now I'm unlikely to have children. If I knew sooner I'd have saved like mad to have a baby with a donor. Currently unable to save as I'm on UC.

blackbettybramblejam · 28/03/2021 16:51

Not visiting my mum more.
Now she has gone I miss her so much and I remember her missing me and I didn’t go to see her enough. It really stings now when I think of it.

Notoriouslynotnotious · 28/03/2021 16:52

I regret hurting a friend of mine by getting together with her ex. It was really a wrong thing to do. The relationship went on for 4 years but to this day 20 odd years later I regret the hurt we caused and the friendship lost and how much of an arse I was about it. .

Threebecomesfour · 28/03/2021 16:52

Interesting question! Like a lot of people have expressed already, the older you get the more you realise every decision leads you to where you are now. I am lucky enough to say I am broadly happy with my life - not that it's perfect at all - but I can't really complain.
My one big regret is going on my first crash diet aged 17. Since then I have been on a constant treadmill of dieting, bingeing and dieting again. It's exhausting. It's totally messed up my metabolism and I don't even know how to maintain my weight...just how to lose and gain rapidly.

thatsgotit · 28/03/2021 16:53

Not having children, despite being so resolute when younger that that was a regret I'd never experience.

lothermand · 28/03/2021 16:54

@SteveArnottsWaistcoat I can so identify with your first post. I too was bullied at school, every question I answered, every race I won (I was neither a scholar or sport mad) I was 'punished' for. That was in primary, by the time I got to secondary, I'd decided I was stupid, and was put off trying in case that meant more bullying

I have lived with never being good enough, and though I've had decent jobs, I feel I've never achieved my potential, so that is my biggest regret, not having a career.

GoneCrazy · 28/03/2021 16:55

Actually in my 20s I had an amazing job 15 years ago on £70k a year and I should have moved to work abroad or travelled but didn’t just saved and saved got married bought a house etc - it does mean have loads of equity and financial security but missed out on the travel and possibility of working abroad

RosesAndHellebores · 28/03/2021 16:56

@LudoBear - I'm sorry to hear that. DD was diagnosed at 17 and looking back all the markers were there but overlooked because she was high functioning and quiet. Good luck with the assessment and medication - it has turned dd around completely.

whitespotsgreenleaves · 28/03/2021 16:57

Like a lot of people have expressed already, the older you get the more you realise every decision leads you to where you are now

But I don't like where I am now! That's the issue.

Daphnesmate04 · 28/03/2021 16:57

I wish I hadn't believed that education was the answer. I gave up opportunities as I was so certain that getting a good education was the right thing to do. Saddled with university debt, great education on paper but no career, working alongside other people who also have it all on paper but not in real life.

You can include me in this too. This was my thinking only my mental health suffered and I was never able to move up from admin jobs (not saying there is anything wrong with this) but I had envisaged with my degree I would just walk into opportunities because I was taught to believe this. Nope. I don't regret my education. I regret my choice of degree but I was really too young to know what I wanted.

peachgreen · 28/03/2021 16:58

Not going upstairs with DH when he went to lie down with a migraine. We think that as soon as he sat down on the bed he suffered sudden cardiac death and died almost instantly - I didn't find him for an hour and a half. I will always wonder if I could have saved him if I'd been there when it happened. Everyone says it's very unlikely but I'll never know. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel sick with the guilt.

fiftiesmum · 28/03/2021 16:59

Not having the confidence to disagree with DH - this lead to me not changing DC's schools when they were having problems and going along with some of DH's crackpot ideas of doing everything for people outside of our family.

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 28/03/2021 17:00

I wish I hadn't let him talk me into trying coke.

HeraInTheHereAndNow · 28/03/2021 17:00

@AlohaMolly 😊

I did go on to marry a wonderful man who already had three teenage kids. Also, thanks to DH’s eldest daughter, have a lovely grandchild now, 20 yrs later. It worked out, in the end.

Good luck with whatever you decide.