To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

[SylviaPlath1984]

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

I don't regret much. I'm not a person who looks back a whole huge amount. That said, I have been mulling over caring for a relative who died recently, I think that more than anything has played on my mind, as it was really the absolutely hardest thing I ever did and I wasn't always calm or nice and so I have some regrets about that, even if I fully understand I was doing my best!

One quite trivial regret but something I come back to is I wish I'd recorded my children speaking or videoed them when they were little. I have so many memories of how funny or fab their voices were when they were little, but for whatever reason, I just didn't think about recording (no smart phones in those days) and we had a videocamera, but much later on and didn't really use it as it was in a rubbish format. I would be recording them all the time if I'd had a smart phone! Now they are teens, the last thing they want is to be videoed by mum although they will begrudgingly allow the odd photo for FB.

Not dating some women before I settled down with my male spouse. I'm v. happy in this relationship but wish I would have dated more people when I was younger.

I also wish I would have realised earlier in life that failure is OK. I put too much pressure on myself.

Not breaking up with him before we got engaged.

[quote PilotRochester]@willithappen please don’t ever think that, you are not being punished. I’m sure like many of us, it was the right thing to do for you at the time. I had a termination when I was younger, and went on to have 3 children. Don’t beat yourself up x[/quote]
Thank you ❤️
I've gone to counselling for this also, hopefully I will make peace with it some day. Worst thing is that the guy from America I had the abortion with now has two kids of his own :( also with the same girl that he cheated on me with/was in a relationship with the whole time. Was a hard hit to take when I found out. I spoke to him last year - he still spills the whole 'you were/are the one' talk as well but I think it's a load of gaslighting. He also said he wished I never had the abortion (even though it was largely his idea at the time) and hoped I had secretly kept the child and would get back in touch with him about the situation. Crazy!

Not taking that job which paid £1 an hour, it was in a poodle parlor so I could have had a trade to fall back on when I got ill. I just couldnt afford it or so I thought at the time. Not having children, always thought I had more time.

The things that I regret the most were out of my control.

I do regret not being wise in family planning. I love my kids to bits but feel stretched and major life decisions are difficult.

Untrained

Having a child

Not realising I need to STFU until after the event. Happened again today!! I drive myself mad, now I’ve didn’t my evening, i will not sleep well, and dread the journey to work tomorrow... because of what I did. Even though I apologised (and truly meant it) I just don’t, for a second, believe nothing will be said tomorrow

That my lovely parents and I just weren't a good fit, leading to a great deal of unhappiness for both them and me and which affected my self esteem and ability to be assertive ... I hate confrontation, "one just doesn't make a scene". Luckily a few great psychiatrists and a current superb psychologist have helped me understand better and get through life.

Staying with the wrong person for to long! I wish I'd cut him out of my life years ago!

Not giving it a chance with a man that I loved because I’m a coward.
Not leaving my husband when I was younger.
Not capturing enough of my children on film.
Wasting so much money.

@Gincredible1 possibly could be that but maybe because your child is still so young it feels worse right now aswell. As your dc gets older things will fall into place and hopefully feelings may change.

@Glassbottomedboat

Name changed for this (though still outing if you know me)

Becoming the family carer. Two grandparents and a parent and no way to 'be free' until parent dies which is realistically another 20 years. 40, no life of my own, no partner, no children, siblings have nothing to do with the caring side and don't come back to hometown anymore and expect me to get me and disabled parent to them on a train despite them driving and having cars each.

No life, no kids, no family, no real life visitable friends (all miles away and no time off to go see them as I'd have to travel at least 3 hours each way) as real life friends drifted a long time ago because they couldn't come to the house as parent is a hoarder. Abusive neighbour booming music and abuse in a daily basis

This sounds really difficult Glassbottomedboat. I cared for my Gran who had dementia through my twenties and really felt like I missed out on a lot. I know care provision is extremely sketchy but have you had a carer's assessment?

Could you take your parent to one of your siblings houses and announce that you're going away for a bit once lockdown is over? (even if you just head back home).

** That should probably read lived with and provided 24 hour care for, not just cared for!

My biggest regret is not being open and reporting my abusive and neglectful childhood. I was pressured by my parents into thinking it was normal and that by speaking out I’d shame my family. I didn’t acknowledge how bad it was until I had my own kids and realise it was hugely minimised by my parents.
I think it impacted massively in my future, although I don’t think I’d change my life’s path.

@Angrymum22

No regrets. If I’d done anything differently I wouldn’t have the life I have today. We are comfortably well off, DH has retired early, I work part time (by choice) and we enjoy life. Any regrets are for things that I had no control over. It would have been good for my parents to have been grandparents. Another child would have been nice but it was not within my control so not a regret. I think that you regret plenty when you are younger but as you mature you realise that even the smallest change would have resulted in a very different life lived.

But your user name would suggest that you do have regrets

@viccytwiffy

what is an emetophobe?

A phobia of vomit, vomiting and being near anyone who may/might vomit.

It's very restrictive and means that people avoid huge numbers of situations such as:

• Eating out at all as someone may vomit
• Going to medical practices/hospitals because as above
• Getting drunk or being around drunk people who are likely to be sick
• Avoiding anyone who says they have felt ill recently for fear of it.
• Avoiding public transport in case someone experiences travel sickness
• Sometimes pregnancy for fear of morning sickness (some people avoid getting pregnant, others have abortions due to their emet).

I have emetophobia and it's had a huge impact on my life.

@viccytwiffy

some of you are so hard on yourselves.. 'nothing to show for your life'... feeling stupid - uneducated... I know that feeling. i was a late starter, at uni at 35... ignorance is not stupidity but a difficult transcending of knowledge.... my lack of education nearly was the end of me... not just for feeling stupid, but for not knowing what 'real' thinking was, to be able to hold and process information, having wonderful things to remember, to carry about in one's head as if one has a treasure chest 'up there'... having to depend on instinct and reflex... feeling vulnerable - feeling ignorant is not a nice feeling...most people if educated could do very well... most people are capable... more than capable... so there are alot of wasted amazing minds out there... some people don't want education and they come from personality orientated families, which is great.. but some like me,, were not... very difficult.. my family full of high acheivers... but of course... we realise finally that we can do something and find our goals that are possible, still possible

Hi viccy,

How did things go after uni?

Not trying harder at school. I just didn't think there were opportunities available to me as a poor kid from a shitty town. My dad recently told me he found out I'd have qualified for payments if id gone to university - shame he didn't look into it 20yrs ago 🙄. I pretty much gave up.

I wish I'd had more confidence in my abilities instead of waiting 15yrs to push for promotions at work. Now I've just had a baby I doubt my career is suddenly going to take off.

I regret marrying young, to a total knobhead. I wasted almost 15yrs of my life and waited far too long to divorce.

I suppose life would have been totally different if I'd had another path, and that might not be a good thing.

@ivfbeenbusy

Having been up with newborn twins on my own since 2am whilst DH snores in the spare room I'm regretting a lot right now (but not my babies - they are the best thing to happen to me)

Aw that's a nice one Ivfbeenbusy!

@LadyJaye

Not a regret as such, more a query...

I was offered a place to study at Oxford, but as I was only 16 and they wouldn't defer, I turned it down.

I went on to a Russell Group uni and have a career and life I love, but I do sometimes think of that as a 'Sliding Doors' aspect of my past...

Doesn't she die in one of the 'Sliding doors' scenarios? Sounds like your life is great- maybe it could have been much worse!

When DH and I met we agreed we wanted 3/4 kids and I would be a SAHM. When push came to shove DH wanted to stop at 2 D.C. After much heated debate he had a vasectomy and our family ended. That was 25 years ago. We are still together and I love him and our DC dearly but I will never cease to mourn the 2 children I thought we would have. Even if we had tried and hadn't conceived at least I would have done my best for them.

This is really hard and I hope this gets lost but I regret not realising I was being groomed and having my my youth taken away from me and felling guilty but now realising what was happening to me (after watching TV programmes only did I realise)

She will teach; he will be successful

Thank goodness she’s escaped your family.