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By booking swimming lessons on ExH's contact days?

105 replies

selflove · 26/03/2021 18:00

ExH and I have 3 kids, (aged 2,4&6). We split when I was pregnant with the youngest. Generally amicable and haven't ever been through court, all private arrangements.

I work Mon/wed/fri, so my kids are in childcare/school 8am-6pm. When we split, none of the kids had started school yet, so the agreed contact arrangement was that he could have the kids Every Other Weekend and tues/Thurs for dinner, which was fine by me, since I'd have spent the whole day with them on the tues/thurs, as I wasn't working those days. He's not hugely reliable and only usually manages one of those evenings, which I'll find out about an hour before, but they're available if he wants to see them.

My kids can't swim, they haven't ever had swimming lessons. I can't take them mon/wed/fri as I work til 6pm. I can't take them Saturday as they have another activity that day. I can't find any swimming classes available for sundays.

Which means if I want my kids to have swimming lessons (and I do, I think it's an essential life skill), the only days they can go are tuesdays or Thursdays. I have found classes with availability on both evenings after school.

ExH says I'm being unreasonable and denying him his contact time with the kids. I said he's welcome to take them swimming himself, he says this isn't the same.

Am I being unreasonable here?! And if so, what's the alternative?! I think him seeing them one evening a week is fine, it's almost entirely all he sees them for atm, but atm he has the flexibility of choosing between tues or Thurs, so he finishes early the day he picks them up for dinner (self employed). And he doesn't want to lose this flexibility.

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 27/03/2021 11:16

It’s not a battle I’d fight
There will be some other ways to teach them to swim
That’s my view
Back off

aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2021 11:34

YANBU, I would say. If it were any other club I would be saying you were but swimming is a necessary skill, not a hobby. I totally get the whole not booking things for the other parents contact time thing but personally I think if you have weekday contact, you have to be prepared for the kids to have certain things on on those days. He should just take them swimming.

And actually, my dad used to take me swimming and I still remember it fondly as a bonding experience. It would probably mean a lot to them for him to be involved in the day to day stuff in some way.

Dobbyismyfavourite · 27/03/2021 11:41

Not sure what other people are reading but I think you are being very reasonable. Children need to swim it is an essential life skill and parents need to facilitate this, especially for the 6 year old.

Your ex can have his pick of one night in the week except swim night so what is the big deal. He must be much more flexible as he is self employed but is taking your relaxed attitude for granted. Also I think if parents are divorced they need to reassess as their children get older. Toddlers don't have clubs etc yet when they go to school things change and many want to do swimming, football, ballet etc.

floss1 · 28/03/2021 08:48

Hi, YANBU! I think your 3 options to him - as above - are entirely reasonable.
They need to have swimming lessons!
It would make so much more sense for one of his two contact evenings to be one of your work days - he needs to commit to finishing work in time to collect them one day a week ie: the day you are at work and unable to pick up the pieces!
I’m not a fan of swimming lessons taking up W/e time (that’s for fun swim sessions) and in any case as you have them EOW he would also be having his time committed for those lessons!
He needs to step up!
Good luck.

Barbie222 · 28/03/2021 09:21


Swimming lessons are fun why doesn't he wish to share the fun?

Hee hee, I'd be sweetly saying this to him as well.
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