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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for rent/keep from 17yo DD?

99 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 11:53

She’s failed (or will fail) her first year of A Levels so is in the last stages of applying for an apprenticeship. I’m very proud of her for the work she’s put in to this, A levels were clearly not the right choice for her but she’s been amazing and motivated in looking for work.

If she gets this course she’s going to be earning £1k a month.

I think she should save at least half (she’s in agreement with this) but that she should pay maybe £100 a month towards her food/bills etc. I believe that paying her way as soon as she’s earning is important so she’s used to it.

DH says he doesn’t expect her to pay anything until she turns 18 as she is still a dependent child.

I just wondered what other people did? We’re coming at this from different angles as I was living independently at her age while DH was doing A Levels and went on to university so wasn’t self sufficient until his 20s.

OP posts:
aintnocoffeebigenough · 26/03/2021 11:55

Do you desperately need the money? If no I’d wait until she’s 18 as your DH has said. Doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to have 1k disposable income to splash on clothes etc - are driving lessons or a car in the picture? Would be great for her to have all her earnings to put towards that if she likes Smile

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/03/2021 11:57

I'd never charge mine rent whilst still in education. I'd class an Apprenticeship as still in education.

The agreement that she saves 50% is good. And I'd be proud of her for seeing this is worth doing.

But no, I wouldnt charge rent at the moment.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 11:58

No it’s not about the money. And she will need to pay for travel until she learns to drive, we have money saved for a car for her but she will need to pay for petrol and insurance. So that will be a chunk of her earnings.

Up until now she’s had £20 a week pocket money so she’s going to feel wealthy beyond measure, I just think it’s good practise for real life to have to sacrifice some of her wage.

OP posts:
ChristmasAlone · 26/03/2021 11:58

No, if she is saving half and is genuinely doing it I think that is a good setting. If she's not take the £100 and save it for her. Personally couldn't take money off my child for living in my house. Would expect them to be an adult though and bring some food home and things like that.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 11:58

Good point about it still being education.

OP posts:
Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 26/03/2021 11:58

If you can live without the money, could you ask her for a contribution but save it for her and give it back to her when she's ready to move out on her own?

daisiesanddaffodils · 26/03/2021 11:59

I don’t understand why you’d do this unless you are really hard up, it’s up to you I suppose.

Tinydinosaur · 26/03/2021 11:59

I'd class an apprenticeship as education so no I don't think you should charge rent. I think kshe should pay for her own stuff out of her earnings though, no pocket money.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 11:59

This has all happened in the last fortnight so I’m a bit thrown, I hadn’t expected her to be earning a wage until next year.

OP posts:
Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 12:00

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

If you can live without the money, could you ask her for a contribution but save it for her and give it back to her when she's ready to move out on her own?
This was my thinking, so even if she doesn’t manage to save half her wage she’s got a fallback amount.
OP posts:
ErickBroch · 26/03/2021 12:02

I would just want her to save at least half like you said. At 17 I wouldn't want anything off her, she's a child and technically it's education. Definitely get her to save as much as possible towards a car/something! She will be grateful down the road.

sleepylittlebunnies · 26/03/2021 12:04

I didn’t pay keep while my parents got child benefit for me and we weren’t well off at all.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 26/03/2021 12:06

I would say that she needs to prove she is saving 50% of her take home pay, and leave it at that. If she would find that tricky, ask her to pay it to you and save it on her behalf. I wouldn’t charge anyone rent while under 18 and / or in FT education.

Frenchfancy · 26/03/2021 12:07

I think it is really important for young adults to pay their way. It shows them that you believe them to be grown up.

ginoclocksomewhere · 26/03/2021 12:08

I paid rent from my first part time job at 16. Not much, like £50/m.
I've always thought (whether rightly or wrongly) that those who earned but didn't pay any keep were either rich or spoiled 🙈

Wallabing · 26/03/2021 12:08

I personally wouldn't do this at 17, i think you're right that she will feel a little bit flush to begin with so I'd probably keep an eye on her and offer advice if/when needed. With a good head on her shoulders, she could have a reallt decent nest egg built up in a few years time.

She's in a really fortunate position - A levels and higher education aren't for everyone. Fair play to her for choosing this route.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 26/03/2021 12:09

I would. I paid my way from the age of 16 and it taught me a very valuable lesson about money and responsibility.

DS is 16 now but has severe learning difficulties so doesn't even understand the concept of money so it's a moot point but if he did and was earning that much a month I would definitely have it, apprenticeship or not.

IMO the sooner they learn that life is expensive the better.

Sh05 · 26/03/2021 12:10

I wouldn't charge a 17 year old especially as I would still be receiving CB for them.
Just make sure she's saving enough and not just blowing it all. If you've saved for a car for make sure she understands that the cost of lessons are on her if that's the plan so maybe get her to start a different saving pot to put away enough every week to go towards driving lessons as well as what she's already saving.

Insomnia5 · 26/03/2021 12:10

Depends on if you need the money or not. I’d charge her but then stick it in a savings account for her for the future

hahameow · 26/03/2021 12:12

I wouldn't. She's still in education and has lots of time to learn about bills etc.

Laggartha · 26/03/2021 12:12

I was expected to pay board as soon as I was working full time, the summer after my GCSE exams. No way was I earning the amount of money your DD will have coming in. I left home and did my A Levels living in a bedsit. (In fact, I earned £12k as a trainee teacher, after uni).

I would charge board, even £30 or £40 a week.

HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 12:13

No, I wouldn't make her pay rent, but perhaps pay for her own phone contract?

honeylulu · 26/03/2021 12:13

I can see what you mean about wanting her to learn to be responsible with money but she's not an adult and as posters have said an apprenticeship is still education.

A middle ground would be: no allowance on top and she pays her own personal expenses including phone, travel, snacks (I'd still provide family meals). My son is 16 and hoping to start an apprenticeship if he can get one and I've given it some thought already.

My parents were well off but quite mean. They wanted me to work and pay rent in the university holidays, so I went and lived somewhere else. I don't think they were expecting that!

FiveNightsAtMummys · 26/03/2021 12:14

As soon as I started work at 16 I had to pay board. It was only a small amount but I paid it. I don't think its unreasonable to ask for a contribution to bills etc.

Viviennemary · 26/03/2021 12:14

I think if she's earning that amount she should pay something no matter how much money you have.

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