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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for rent/keep from 17yo DD?

99 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 11:53

She’s failed (or will fail) her first year of A Levels so is in the last stages of applying for an apprenticeship. I’m very proud of her for the work she’s put in to this, A levels were clearly not the right choice for her but she’s been amazing and motivated in looking for work.

If she gets this course she’s going to be earning £1k a month.

I think she should save at least half (she’s in agreement with this) but that she should pay maybe £100 a month towards her food/bills etc. I believe that paying her way as soon as she’s earning is important so she’s used to it.

DH says he doesn’t expect her to pay anything until she turns 18 as she is still a dependent child.

I just wondered what other people did? We’re coming at this from different angles as I was living independently at her age while DH was doing A Levels and went on to university so wasn’t self sufficient until his 20s.

OP posts:
KitchenFairy · 26/03/2021 12:16

I don’t think I’d take rent off a 17 year old, but I’d expect her to take over the payment of her own phone contact, start buying her own toiletries and clothes, and pay for her own travel and lunches while at work.

Ted27 · 26/03/2021 12:16

I am someone who will not be able to ‘keep’ my son when he gets a job and starts earning. At the moment he has weekend jobs and earns about £110 a month.

If we were in this situation however I’d probably ease both of us into it.
I’d be clear that there will be things I will no longer fund - in our case it would be his phone, train tickets, clothes and his club subs.

If he is home he can get lunch from whatever is in the fridge, if its a college day or he’s out he pays for his own. I don’t give him pocket money anymore

what do you pay for now that you can stop so is in effect a saving for you.

MixedUpFiles · 26/03/2021 12:22

I wouldn’t want the money from her, but I would confirm heavy saving. I’m not sure half is high enough.

I’d sit down with her and work out how that money would tend to get budgeted as an adult with a very small slice left for discretionary spending. You don’t have to leave her with just that, but show her that she might not want to get used to having quite so much financial freedom right now. Its also an opportunity to save that she will likely never get again.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/03/2021 12:26

I don't think there is anything wrong with charging rent, but I don't think you can insist she saves either. It's her money to do as she wants with, so I wouldn't be paying for anything outside of your normal family outgoing, so she would be responsible for phone, clothes, travel, food out of home, any additional toiletries to the family ones she may want to use.

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 12:30

As others have said, I wouldn't charge a 17 year old anything like rent or keep, but would have her pay for her own phone contract, clothes, toiletries etc. Regular meals at home I would still cover, but she'd be responsible for her own meals out and transportation etc.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 26/03/2021 12:30

Let her keep her hard earned money for herself for a while for god sake. She won't have that luxury for long.

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 12:32

Also don't agree that you should monitor her savings or force her to do so. I get that it would help her to save, but micro-managing it doesn't seem right to me.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/03/2021 12:33

Stopping the pocket money will save you 80+ per month. She doesn't need it if she is earning.

Then you would want another 100 on top?

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 12:34

Ok so things we currently pay for are phone (£20), bus fare to college (£60) and I buy all the toiletries etc. So really if she takes over that then it amounts to around £100pm anyway. Plus of course no pocket money so that’s another £80.

Ooh. She can keep her money, I’m quids in 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 12:35

X post Bernadette.

I genuinely hasn’t thought of it like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 12:35

*hadn’t.

OP posts:
Mylovelyhorsee · 26/03/2021 12:36

I wouldn’t take keep as long as she can show you she is making substantial savings. That doesn’t have to be the same amount every month just so that she’s not wasting it all each month, this will teach her just as much as paying keep.

GameSetMatch · 26/03/2021 12:36

I wouldn’t charge her rent, travel is expensive and you say she will get a car soon, that will be expensive to run and then there’s car parking charges, tax, insurance etc. I’d tell her she can live rent free but it’s her job to run her car!

DelurkingAJ · 26/03/2021 12:36

I would sit down and get her to do a very detailed budget including serious savings ad agreeing what savings pots are for what so one for holidays and one for a flat deposit etc etc.

I did this with DM and whilst I was utterly spoilt in terms of money as a teen I have never not been able to manage because I knew how to budget and that I would need to.

PinkSkyBlue · 26/03/2021 12:40

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Let her keep her hard earned money for herself for a while for god sake. She won't have that luxury for long.
Totally agree! Let her enjoy herself for 3 months or so.
Moondust001 · 26/03/2021 12:40

I would definitely charge the rent - even if I never used it as such. My mother started taking rent from me when I had my first ever Saturday job at 15 (now I'm 63!). I didn't know, but it went into a building society account in my name that was given to me when I left for university. Whilst I agree that saving is important, I think that it is even more important that young people learn that what comes before everything is paying your bills. I think too many young people end up thinking that wages are about what you want, rather than what needs paying for.

Kitkat151 · 26/03/2021 12:41

It depends if you can afford to lose her child benefit Also any tax credits if you get the......not everyone is in a position to support their children whilst still at home

sociallydistained · 26/03/2021 12:42

My mums asked for rent as soon as I got a job aged 16 even though I was in full time education. She’s struggled for money her whole life and asks to borrow money from me now but I still managed to save for a deposit on a flat and I learned to budget so my point is... go for it lol.

Kapalika · 26/03/2021 12:42

Make sure she has her phone bill as a standing order!

I think from what you’ve said, I wouldn’t. But maybe a nominal amount towards food (which I would then put away for a deposit for her)

BigPaperBag · 26/03/2021 12:43

Yes absolutely. When DS was working as a waiter he would pay 20% of his wages (excluding tips) Did I feel bad? Nope, as the kid was loaded!! We still paid his £18 a month phone contract and £110 (ish) bus pass every term plus the fridge is alway stuffed and available to him plus Netflix, Spotify, Amazon and Disney plus. He’s getting a good deal😂

reluctantbrit · 26/03/2021 12:44

I paid money to my parents when I started earning, also an apprenticeship. It was more a gesture than actual money they needed.

They actually saved it and gifted it to me when I passed my exams.

It helped learning to properly budget. I had to pay my parents, buy clothes (working in an office, so proper smart clothes), travel costs and the monthly trip to my then boyfriend by train. My parents also encouraged me to save each month, straight when the salary hit the account.

Especially if you move from pocket money to a salary it is huge in the beginning and worth learning how to deal with it.

RustyCat · 26/03/2021 12:44

I was told before my 16th birthday I had to get a job and pay rent/keep at £100 per month. I was earning £120 so had a small amount to spend freely. Never harmed me and infact taught me how to manage money.

I think you are fair to charge her rent/keep even if you don't need it you can put it away in savings, or a kitty for a later date.

HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 12:45

Do you lose child benefit if your child's on an apprenticeship and under 18?

Marmite27 · 26/03/2021 12:47

I had a job from being 16 while I was doing my A-levels. Earning approx £300 a month which went up to £1,000 a month in the holidays when I could do overtime.

My parents didn’t take board from me while they were getting child benefit. I then went to Uni.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 26/03/2021 12:49

As wth others I wouldn’t charge while they were in education (unless I was really struggling)