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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for rent/keep from 17yo DD?

99 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 11:53

She’s failed (or will fail) her first year of A Levels so is in the last stages of applying for an apprenticeship. I’m very proud of her for the work she’s put in to this, A levels were clearly not the right choice for her but she’s been amazing and motivated in looking for work.

If she gets this course she’s going to be earning £1k a month.

I think she should save at least half (she’s in agreement with this) but that she should pay maybe £100 a month towards her food/bills etc. I believe that paying her way as soon as she’s earning is important so she’s used to it.

DH says he doesn’t expect her to pay anything until she turns 18 as she is still a dependent child.

I just wondered what other people did? We’re coming at this from different angles as I was living independently at her age while DH was doing A Levels and went on to university so wasn’t self sufficient until his 20s.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 26/03/2021 12:50

Depending on how sensible she is, as this is education, I would try to get her to work out a budget and stick to it including a quite strict savings plan.

If she could save a few hundred a month she would soon have a great nest egg and another sense of achievement. She probably won’t have this level of disposable income again for a very long time.

Talk to her about the real cost of living and budgets. Not enough young people really get this.

GrandTheftWalrus · 26/03/2021 12:50

When I was 17 I was working full time and I got the grand sum of 460 a month and my parents took the 60 and left me with 400. This was 2002. So I didn't have a phone contract or any online subscriptions so I managed on it.

If I'd been on 1k they would probably have taken 2-300. But they never saved it for me etc however I didn't mind.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 12:50

I don’t know about child benefit but we have to repay that anyway so doesn’t count.

OP posts:
Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 12:51

Interesting mix of opinions so thank you.

I think so long as she does save, we’ll leave it. But if she starts rattling through her whole wage every month I’ll take a proportion for ‘rent’.

OP posts:
Derbee · 26/03/2021 12:54

I would stop her pocket money, as she is earning. That saves you £80 per month, so you can count that as her contribution. Stopping pocket money, and her earning, means that everyone is better off.

I’d be concerned about parents who force their children to save, because they often have issues with what the saved money is then spent on. Savings when you’re 17 aren’t meant to just stay savings until you retire, but a lot of parents will see different priorities than their children when they want to dip into savings.

MerylStropp · 26/03/2021 12:59

Our DS (20) has nearly finished an post-A-level apprenticeship, and we have never charged him for his "keep" as he was always intending to move into a flat with a couple of friends as soon as he had saved enough. That would have been at the start of this year, but the pandemic put paid to that plan, so he has stayed with us - but still funds his own car and buys his own clothes and most of his own food, and also does his own cleaning. He has now decided that he wants to go to university after all, and the nest-egg he has managed to build up will be useful for when he inevitably falls on hard times as a student.
So yes, if kids plan to stay at home indefinitely and/or if family finances are tight, then they should contribute, but if the ultimate aim is for them to move out and be completely independent, then they should be able to keep as much of their earnings as possible to help them to achieve that. Just my opinion.

Kroptopbelly · 26/03/2021 13:01

No we don’t take anything from our apprenticeship 17 year old and monthly earnings are £1,400.
We do insist on savings, 80% is saved.
We don’t need the money.

Driving lessons for birthday and taking over car payments will take up a good chunk of the earnings, so paying that independently is good.

Drawt · 26/03/2021 13:02

Just wanted to point out as several people have stated they would not take keep from a child if they still get child benefit... You will not get child benefit for an apprentice (or tax credits, UC etc)

Racoonworld · 26/03/2021 13:03

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

If you can live without the money, could you ask her for a contribution but save it for her and give it back to her when she's ready to move out on her own?
This is what I would do. Save it for her to go towards a house deposit.
Pepperminttea16 · 26/03/2021 13:04

I think it’s fine to charge a bit of keep but £100/month is too much if she is going to be saving half. My parents only charged me £100/month when I was bringing home £1700/month (to be fair they didn’t really need the money). £50 seems reasonable to me.

smartiecake · 26/03/2021 13:05

@JensonsAcolyte as someone else has said an apprenticeship is a classed as employment with training. Its not full time education and any benefits including child benefit stop as the person doing the apprenticeship is in receipt of their own wage. Its a job, albeit a temporary one for up to 4 years while completing the qualification. There is no guarantee of a job after the apprenticeship ends so I would take some board and put it to one side for her. She will need it in the future

ThriceAsNaice · 26/03/2021 13:06

Probably not whilst under 18 and in education but absolutely yes once 18 and earning.

I've already had conversations about this with with my young teens. Its a valuable lesson in responsibilty, money management and contributing to a household and a step to independent living. Certainly this was what was expected from me once I was in employment at 18 and living with parents.

If our financial circumstances allow I plan to save some of what the DC's contribute and give it back to them when the time comes for them to buy their own place. I won't be telling them this though!

Becles · 26/03/2021 13:08

After the agreed savings, at the moment she's going to have £420 spare a month once her bus and phone is paid off. I don't have that.

I'd sit with her and help her make a plan for the whole amount.

Split the £500 into Long and medium term savings: A stakeholder pension that'll be worth more than after she hits 25; a junior isa for something like a house or six months backpacking at 22; a holiday and mate trips fund

Then what will she do with the £420 spare she has a month? £100 rent (if you don't need it you save to use to toward driving lessons or 1st banger); she also needs to start birthdays and Christmas savings - includes gifts for parents, siblings and grandparents. Taking up a hobby that may have been financially out of reach.

Lochmorlich · 26/03/2021 13:13

It doesn't matter if your dc is in education or not.
Apprentices years ago gave board to their parents.
I really don't understand why a person earning £1000 a month isn't expected to contribute to food and heating.
It's a good life lesson.
Taking board now will teach your dd about budgeting right from the start.

Cheeeeislifenow · 26/03/2021 13:20

If she is paying for her own phone bill and transport then no, I don't think it's fair to ask for rent. Plus op won't be paying for these anyway. She sounds very sensible op.

user1487194234 · 26/03/2021 13:21

Personally I would not charge my DC in these circumstances

Cheeeeislifenow · 26/03/2021 13:21

*Taking board now will teach your dd about budgeting right from the start
*

She already has bills.like phone etc and savings, that is budgeting.

user64332 · 26/03/2021 13:32

1k a month sounds high for an apprenticeship. I thought they were significantly lower than minimum wage? My concern would be that she gets accustomed to having so much disposable income when adults who work and earn the same amount also have to pay rent and council tax and bills and all groceries on top with a similar wage?

I've seen it at my workplace (retail) the 16-18 year olds who live at home are earning as much as the adults but blowing all their cash and seem a bit clueless. They are very grabby with spare hours (zero hour contract workplace) and will offer their own spare shifts up amongst the other teens without any consideration for the adults who are desperate for extra hours to pay their bills. I don't blame them, they don't know any different but I do wonder how they will cope once they leave home? This is the middle class teens, the working class family teens contribute or move out earlier and generally are much less selfish in the workplace.

One who is also at uni doing a part time degree but living at home told me when she graduates and is on a graduate income she will be staying at home for at least a year so she can enjoy having more disposable income before she has to pay any bills. I asked if she will be saving for a deposit while she can and she said no, she just wants the money to spend how she wants and will think about saving in the future.

Having said that, my eldest child is nearly the same age as your daughter and I can't imagine taking rent from her, especially because if she goes to uni we would be helping with her rent/bills. I think the enforced saving really is the best thing to do, probably make her save more than half? £500 a month is more than she needs I think. Explore different saving apps that she can see her money build up but that locks it away short term, and let her learn the buzz of saving, which I didn't learn to do until I was in my 30's? Maybe some in a LISA for a future house deposit, some in a 3 month notice account for holidays/travel? Then she can still enjoy her earnings but responsibly.

KEA321 · 26/03/2021 13:36

As soon as I started earning, a part time evening job at a supermarket in college, my mum started taking rent from me. Just a nominal amount. When I was unemployed a few years later, she took £5 of my unemployment benefit. I paid a lot more rent than all my friends. When I finally moved out, I knew how to budget and she gave me the money back to furnish my house. I had no idea she had saved it for me. I think it's good to give an idea of how the real world works as young as possible. I should add I was expected to contribute to chores and shopping as well.

Cheeeeislifenow · 26/03/2021 13:38

Money.must be totally different in UK 100 euro in Ireland perweek is really not a lot especially if you are paying travel, meals out etc.

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 26/03/2021 13:42

They are offering more than the minimum wage, when we started down this road we assumed she’d be getting around £600pm.

Not all apprenticeships pay the lower amount, I’m doing an apprenticeship through work and I get my usual salary.

OP posts:
user64332 · 26/03/2021 13:43

@Cheeeeislifenow in Ireland rent/bills are significantly lower and living costs, drinking and eating out prices and groceries etc are significantly higher. Or at least, this is what I have been told from friends in Ireland on several occasions.

jackstini · 26/03/2021 13:45

I paid from my first job at age 15

My parents asked me what I thought was fair and I gave them 1/8 of my wages

On my 18th birthday they gave it all back to me - it had never been about the money but about me valuing and understanding what it costs to run a home, taking responsibility for contributing to that and readying me for later life

I remember a friend had to buy the food for and cook 2 main meals for the family each week

Have you asked your dd directly what she thinks would be fair? Would be interesting to know!

LittleCatDog · 26/03/2021 13:48

My aunt charged my cousin rent as she was working from 18 and she wanted to teach her about budgeting etc. My cousin found it unfair but paid, but my aunt was secretly saving it up and gave it to her as a deposit on her first place a couple years later. She was a bit of a party girl so it worked out really well!

I would do it from 18 maybe, 17 is still a child.

zoemum2006 · 26/03/2021 14:02

I'd take the £100 from her and save it and give it to her as a lump sum if she needed it for a house etc.

I wouldn't use it myself unless I really needed to.

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