to ask for rent/keep from 17yo DD?

[JensonsAcolyte]

She’s failed (or will fail) her first year of A Levels so is in the last stages of applying for an apprenticeship. I’m very proud of her for the work she’s put in to this, A levels were clearly not the right choice for her but she’s been amazing and motivated in looking for work.

If she gets this course she’s going to be earning £1k a month.

I think she should save at least half (she’s in agreement with this) but that she should pay maybe £100 a month towards her food/bills etc. I believe that paying her way as soon as she’s earning is important so she’s used to it.

DH says he doesn’t expect her to pay anything until she turns 18 as she is still a dependent child.

I just wondered what other people did? We’re coming at this from different angles as I was living independently at her age while DH was doing A Levels and went on to university so wasn’t self sufficient until his 20s.

Maybe ask her to pay for one shopping trip a month to start (a shopping trip that costs around £50 perhaps)

Let her acclimatise to budgeting for that and then gradually ask her to pay for a bigger shop/2 shops per month.

Alternatively give her the responsibility of paying for her phone bill if she doesn't already, or even a small household bill? A friend of mine paid her parent's water bill for example. This will also teach her to how to set up direct debit and pay bills.

I think £100 a month is more than fair. It's not about you being hard-up enough to take it. It's about teaching her life skills, responsibility and budgeting!

No as they are a dependent child in the eyes of the law but I wouldn’t charge mine anyway regardless of age. This will always be their home and they have a lifetime ahead of them of bills once they leave.

I’d encourage them to save and let them enjoy the rest.

I'd stop her pocket money now she's earning.

I'd also charge her some keep, but in the way of her now taking responsibility for her phone and anything else you pay for her. You've already said you've got her a car so any upkeep, petrol etc she will also have to pay.

I'd say that she also needs to pay keep when she earns over X amount.

I also think it's good practice to have to sacrifice a certain amount of your wage for living.

Our youngest pays 100 per month towards keep. He is 19 ( an adult! ) and in the first year of his apprenticeship, performing an adult job 4 days out of 5. He pays for his own phone and his car ( we loaned him the money to buy in the first place as he couldn't do his apprenticeship without it )

It's so important for kids to learn how to budget. We don't need the money, he does need to appreciate that life is expensive.

My son has been earning since he was 15 and we have always said 1 third = rent/housekeeping. 1 third = savings and 1 third was for him to spend.

We have saved the rent for him, he doesn't know this, and he will get it back when he finishes uni.

By that age children should already have been taught how to budget so taking a nominal amount off them does nothing , we don’t take money off ours but they are both good savers , if they were just frittering money away I might think differently. In our case when they start earning they just pick up their own expenses like travel , car insurance , phone bills and pick up the odd bit of shopping / buy a takeaway for the family etc . Obviously it’s different if you actually need the money because you lose child tax credit / benefit etc and that is money that is needed to run the house .

£100 is such a small proportion of her real living expenses that it’s meaningless.

Could you work out (with her) what the minimum amount essentials like rent /bills/food would cost in a shared flat or as a lodger, and get her to try to save that much? Set up a reasonably formal savings account with direct debit. Maybe some that she can access relatively easily, some in a longer-term account.

@JensonsAcolyte I agree with you and previous posters wrt going through a breakdown of monthly costs and assigning savings to short term and longer term goals, plus agreeing with her which of her expences she can take over.

I would charge an older, working child room & board, but would save it in a separate account to give back to them when they were looking to get their own place.

Your thoughts about showing her how to best manage her money so she gets the most power from it, and doesn't just fritter it away, is part of her education and will stand her in good stead in the future, so I would absolutely do that.

I hope she really enjoys her apprenticeship and that it leads to a long term career for her.

i think she should pay for her keep as she will be earning a wage.
it is quite a good wage too, for her age.
i would suggest £50 a week.
that is much less than she would have to pay to rent a room and all found outside the family home, so it is part way towards being responsible for herself.
i also think you are quite entitled to spend that money on household expenses, and/or keep some to maybe give her later for a sensible reason, deposit say.
i am older than most on here.
i think children are babyfied for far too long nowadays.
it is not good for them, makes them less able to cope independently.
everyone pulling in a wage, or receiving benefits, should contribute to the running of the household.
and younger children should do housework.
so many treat their parents like servants, and by extension come to expect every other adult to dance to their tune.
the household is a co-operative; to each according to their need,from each according to their ability.
that gives a dignity to each occupant.

It's up to you. I wouldn't. I would be having proper conversations about future plans and budgeting/saving though.

I started my first job at 17 and paid a third of my pay to my mum. If you're earning you contribute. It's part of learning to become an independent functioning adult IMO.

My ds got a full time job at 17. He earns the same money as me. He gives me £50 a week and knows he's quids in! His bank account looks far better than mine! He has offered to pay more but I think a nominal amount for his 1st job is an incentive for him.

Interesting that you start your post with the words “she’s failed” OP. Sounds kinda hostile towards her.

Yabu to ask a seventeen year old for her money. You chose to have a child, you support her until she’s eighteen, unless you’re penniless and desperate for cash. Even then, I can’t imagine asking my child for money. It’s much more common to put aside a bit of money each week for your child and use this to help them when they’re adult. Just be glad you aren’t having to pay university fees.

Maybe have a think about why you’re feeling so hostile towards your daughter. Yabu.

@Skysblue

Interesting that you start your post with the words “she’s failed” OP. Sounds kinda hostile towards her.

Yabu to ask a seventeen year old for her money. You chose to have a child, you support her until she’s eighteen, unless you’re penniless and desperate for cash. Even then, I can’t imagine asking my child for money. It’s much more common to put aside a bit of money each week for your child and use this to help them when they’re adult. Just be glad you aren’t having to pay university fees.

Maybe have a think about why you’re feeling so hostile towards your daughter. Yabu.

Hostile? Don't be ridiculous, you sound deranged

I think £100 is reasonable. If they were 17 and earning £300/month from a part time job I wouldn't take money but £1000 month at that age!!! You're not exactly leaving her short of cash, are you?

The £100 won't even cover food costs.

Surely the whole "look after them until they're 18" only counts if they aren't earning a full time wage?

This topic always brings out a lot of privilege families.

Does it not occur to you that some parents cannot afford to let their child live at home and earn £1000 and they expect a small amount of £100.

OPs DD still has £900 left it’s a lot of disposable income more than some full time working adults

I would definitely charge her OP. It teaches kids money management and about the real world.

@sleepylittlebunnies

I didn’t pay keep while my parents got child benefit for me and we weren’t well off at all.

That will stop when she starts an Apprenticeship.

I wouldn't. If she is spread saving and will have added expenses like car and petrol, then no. Let her budget the rest for clothes and going out. When she gets a better paying job, earning more and turns 18, then revisit.

I took board of mine saved it to go towards
to help a deposit for a flat .they didn't know so everyone was happy they got helped but I also think it's the principal you earn money you pay your way
Ok it wasn't a great deal a month but it did add up to a good few thousand at the end .

@Skysblue

Interesting that you start your post with the words “she’s failed” OP. Sounds kinda hostile towards her.

Yabu to ask a seventeen year old for her money. You chose to have a child, you support her until she’s eighteen, unless you’re penniless and desperate for cash. Even then, I can’t imagine asking my child for money. It’s much more common to put aside a bit of money each week for your child and use this to help them when they’re adult. Just be glad you aren’t having to pay university fees.

Maybe have a think about why you’re feeling so hostile towards your daughter. Yabu.

Hostile?? You sound like a lunatic

@sleepylittlebunnies

I didn’t pay keep while my parents got child benefit for me and we weren’t well off at all.

Except she won’t get child benefit any more will she 🙄

An apprenticeship is a job, with training. No child benefits are paid.

I run a large apprenticeship programme at work and our apprentices start on anything between £14k to £18.5k a year, with guaranteed pay rises each year of around £2-3k. All the apprenticeships are permanent jobs. We don’t train people for 4 years to then say good bye at the end. We take apprentices on and train them to sustain the business.

On day one of their induction, we all have a conversation about life skills, which includes paying your way and budgeting. E.g. paying your own phone and travel expenses, paying board, savings and also making your own lunch for work. So many of he boys Mums still make their packed lunch, for them. The girls don’t - they are not treated like babies.

When my DS starts work or apprenticeship, he will pay a small amount of board. Not because I need the money, but learning to pay your way is a life skill and part of the responsibility that comes with working and being part of an adult world.