To have mostly preloved clothes for baby?

[lavonda]

I've namechanged for this.

I'm young and I'm 31 weeks pregnant. I've bought preloved body suits/baby grows. None are brand new. I have brought him a brand new car seat and pram. My mum said I shouldn't have brought second hand as it isn't fair on son and people will think I'm a lazy mum who doesn't like to spend money on my child. I've told her it was mine and my boyfriends decision and he will be wearing newborn at first anyway so I wouldn't want to spend a lot of money on clothes to only be worn a couple of times. She still thinks I'm BU

Aibu?

YANBU. I have listed a bunch of clothes today age 12-24 months. £28 lambswool Jojo jumper, Frugi and Jojo dungarees, etc. bought by my very generous in-laws. I'll be lucky if I get a tenner!

Is she nornally such a wasteful person or is she one of those weird people who can't afford things so make themselves even worse off by buying stuff they can't afford so that other people don't know they can't afford them.

Is there any way that you can afford to move to your own place, you really don't need to stress of trying to bring up your first child with such a judgemental person

Nothing wrong with secondhand clothing, lots of baby stuff is barely worn/used. Your mums a dickhead. You were right to get a new car seat obviously.

I bought loads of second-hand clothes and took stuff from friends. In my area they have a giant (and I mean giant) second hand children's fair two or three times a year. It hasn't been running since Covid. I can't WAIT for the next one. I would rather have MORE than new. I just bought load and loads of really cheap stuff when DD was little. I made sure it was good quality and not at all shabby looking and my DD was always dressed perfectly. Some of the stuff she never got around to wearing. Honestly, go second hand all the way. You might want to buy new stuff later down the line (shoes, bikes, birthday presents... and sodding lego is expensive! So, save what you can where you can. You've got a good head on your shoulders! Do it your way! Don't second guess yourself. Don't let people tell you what to do or shame you in any way when it comes to things like this. You KNOW you're not being unreasonable. Put your foot down now.

My baby didn't even go in newborn clothes, so when he was born I was so glad I hadn't wasted money on new and donated the clothes to the baby bank, he's massive so we go through so many clothes so second hand stuff is brilliant.
You ve realised what really matters for babies and clearly done your research by making sure you have a new car seat, you re going to be a great mum :)

Not only do you sound sensible, you sound like you will be a good mum, ensuring you have savings for the more important things.

Congratulations on your baby

Nothing wrong with second hand, babies get through clothes so fast in terms of growing, pooping or posseting. I was gutted that I was pregnant over lockdowns as I'm a carboot bargain hunter and had seen pretty much new clothes when I went pre pregnancy. Its sensible financially and environmentally, ignore your mum.

Only you, your partner and your Mum will know.

Baby will not know or be bothered.

You can get some really lovely items second hand, I wouldn't worry about it OP, just don't bother telling your Mum if it worries her that much.

Congratulations on your baby.

I’ve been on an eBay blitz since reading this thread (had tried bidding for bundles over the past few days but always miss out at the last second!)

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all. Baby gets some nice clothes and I get the satisfaction of not having spent loads of money

Congratulations. Your baby will not care what it is wearing in the slightest (as long as it's soft, comfortable and appropriate for the temperature) and they grow ridiculously fast. Your mum is being utterly daft.

I got loads of lovely bundles of baby clothes on eBay or local selling sites before my DD was born. I also got given some lovely stuff as well, but babies absolutely do not need brand new expensive clobber. Save your money.

I actually love rummaging in charity shops. There is one nearby where they sell all baby / toddler clothes for 50p. When she was a baby I bought DD a frugi dress, a beautiful mini Boden top, little white company dungarees, petit bateau onesy. All 50p each. I always got compliments for her baby outfits as ended up picking up cheap vintage bits.

More recently, I got DD a lovely nearly new Next winter coat for £2 and DS a Gap hoodie and Nike joggers for a £1 each. All in nearly new condition.

I mean, why wouldn't you?!! Just those examples above saved me over £200.

You are being responsible with your purse and with the world that you are bringing your child into. You are thinking as a parent and your DM's attitude is wrongheaded.

If I haven’t made it , it’s secondhand. Literally everything except the mattresses and sheets.

Cheaper and better for environment- I’d like to think that people see someone whose concerned about her/her child’s impact on the world rather than lazy. Also the amount of time I’ve spent looking for good deals rather than just stocking up new - feels like I’m not being lazy at all!!

Totally fine, and sensible on every level. We did the same and just washed it all before use. Our DC were always complimented on their cute clothes, we had some nice brands in the bundles and many were then passed on to friends. Babies and kids grow so fast most things don't get worn out too much.

DD had a new car seat. I bought a couple of babygros and vests I liked in Morrisons, but that was it for new stuff I think (obviously she's been given stuff). To be honest, she's been given so many clothes from friends with slightly older children I've hardly needed to buy anything, even second hand.

You are absolutely doing the right thing and just nod, smile and ignore when your mum says anything.

I was never really into preloved stuff before I had a baby but he has such beautiful things and hardly anything was new. We were given a huge amount of lovely second hand things from my sister which were gratefully received.

Since having my baby I have become a little bit addicted to ebay and Facebook marketplace and he is kitted out in gorgeous clothes that are in excellent condition for a fraction of the price including John Lewis, Joules, Boden, Zara, Marks and Spencer. I also plan to sell on or gift things when they are no longer required.

Babies grow out of stuff before they wear it out.

I am old and my baby is almost entirely styled by eBay. Your mum can bite me.

Baby clothes least two minutes before they grow out of them anyway; they have tons of use left in them. It's financially and environmentally far more sensible to keep them in use for multiple babies/families.

I think the only things we had brand new for dts were the car seats! They are now 13 and we still get stuff second hand. No idea why people would think that’s odd. It’s better for the environment and your pocket.

Nothing wrong with it at all. Ds2 has had all Ds1s hand me downs, some of which were second hand already and they have looked lovely. Babies grow so quickly second hand clothes are usually still in very good condition. Your mum is being silly. Plus if you save money on baby clothes you will have more money to actually spend on more important things.

The only thing I bought new was a car seat. (Single parent) son is now in his 30s and funnily enough he's never complained about wearing second hand clothes, despite complaining about lots of other things. Second (and subsequent) children invariably wear second hand clothes...

Good for you OP. We have a mix of new and second hand, mostly from friends (that we all pass around when the next baby arrives!)

I don't understand the snobbery around second hand clothes. Your lovely baby won't know or care if their outfit has been worn by 3 different babies before them or if it's brand new out of the packet.

I did this for my 3 DS's now 27,23,20
Had lots of presents for DS1..Kept everything possible and accepted all used from friends and relatives with older relatives
They laugh when I get their baby photos out because they looked almost identical as babies and are wearing the same sleep suits!
Ignore your Mums comments You're saving money for the things your baby will remember and appreciate, and preserving the planet for him too

I wish I'd had more secondhand stuff when DC was tiny! I think his 0-3 month stuff has done 2 other babies after him so far. Have it all packed away in the hope of using it for a second child and can't wait then to pass it all on to others.

With older babies

DP and I are fairly well off. Our three combined kids (7, 4 and 2) wear almost all secondhand clothing. They don't know/care and the money we save from the difference goes in to their savings account. I think they'd rather have that as a teen or young adult than an extra new baby outfit as an infant.