To have mostly preloved clothes for baby?

[lavonda]

I've namechanged for this.

I'm young and I'm 31 weeks pregnant. I've bought preloved body suits/baby grows. None are brand new. I have brought him a brand new car seat and pram. My mum said I shouldn't have brought second hand as it isn't fair on son and people will think I'm a lazy mum who doesn't like to spend money on my child. I've told her it was mine and my boyfriends decision and he will be wearing newborn at first anyway so I wouldn't want to spend a lot of money on clothes to only be worn a couple of times. She still thinks I'm BU

Aibu?

@DynamoKev

YANBU except for using bollockspeak.

What 'bollockspeak' exactly?

I didn't notice any, and even if it was drasfgully written (which it's not) why the need to be horrible?

Of course it's fine - you get loads of use out of car seat and buggy compared to clothes and most people reuse the big items for subsequent children anyway so they usually end up being second hand at some point. DD had some baby grows she wore once or twice and then grew out of them. Should have just sold them new! She also wears all her brother's old clothes.

I buy toys & books second hand as well - one birthday all of DS's presents were from the charity shop. I was very proud of myself!

My toddler wears a lot of clothes my SD wore years before, that have since been worn by two other toddlers in the meantime, and get passed down to my friend's baby afterwards. We have a whole chain going - I'm sure others do.

She wears a lot of other pre used stuff, some of it awesome clothes that we simply wouldn't have been able to dress her in otherwise.

My partner buys most of it and it's nothing she does with any regret or shame - she actively enjoys seeking it out.

Your mum is just wrong on this one.

@OliverBabish

I’m due imminently and I cannot for the life of me win one sodding eBay bid for newborn clothes!

Are you on Facebook? Marketplace has loads round where I am.

Your mum is being a judgemental snob. I am actually cross that she said this to you. I would be prepared for lots more of these types of comments when baby arrives and I would try to develop some coping strategies / stock phrases to use when she does.

We were earning £80k between us (with £700 a month mortgage so plenty of spare money - until maternity leave pay hit!) when we had our first, but bought second-hand everything (except car seat). All great quality and baby (and no-one else for that matter) knew any different. In fact, it was probably better quality than we would have bought new, as we would have bought cheaper brands.

Ask your mum exactly why she thinks this. There are only positives to buying second had: impact on environment, cost to you, your child having things that you otherwise wouldnt able to afford, spending the saved money on baby classes, etc. And absolutely no actual negatives, other than her opinion. Ask her to explain exactly what she means by 'it isn't fair on your son'. What possible impact could it have on him? And Facebook market place is absolutely wonderful for second-hand baby/ child stuff.

The only think that YABU about is calling it 'preloved' rather than just 'second hand', but that's 100% my issue .

Enjoy your baby and stop worrying what others think.

I only bought one garment new for the first year - it was such a cute little red snowsuit I couldn't resist . Had a few as presents but most of the stuff was from charity shops. By the time S2 came along it had all been worn by three of his cousins as well.

We have several photos of both boys with friends' babies who were dressed in Bought New stuff. You really can't tell the difference.

It’s incredibly sensible. I would say maybe buy a couple of cute babies grows for his first outfit or for coming home hospital buts that’s for you to enjoy not for his sake.

There often good bargains on Facebook pages for baby equipment and Aldi have their baby and toddler event starting next week.

My mum said I shouldn't have brought second hand as it isn't fair on son and people will think I'm a lazy mum who doesn't like to spend money on my child.

How on earth is it less lazy to buy new than buy second hand; I mean neither takes a huge amount of effort! Your son really won't care. The thing with the first sizes is you are lucky to get more than a couple of weeks out of new born or more than 10 weeks out of 0-3 months, so they simply don't wear out in that time. That's why there are piles of these clothes in good condition to be sold or passed on.

It makes sense. We did this a lot.

Very sensible! They will soon be covered in vomit and poo. Your mother is being absurd.

We got new clothes but a second hand pram because it seemed like such a crazy waste of non-recyclable plastic.

Any second hand things you can get are a great idea! Less waste and your baby won't care (and neither will anyone else).

We are the last of our friends to have children and have been given all of the hand - me - downs. It's been brilliant - I can't even imagine how much money we would have had to spend to have the range we have. Loads of the stuff we've been given is lovely and practically brand new given how long babies are actually in each size of clothes. Each to their own but I wouldn't have wanted (or been able to afford!) to buy everything new.

I'm due my first baby this year and I'll try and get as many second hand things as I can. My parents have offered to buy the travel system new but other than that I'm delighted to make savings where I can. Babies only fit in clothes for such a short time, most second hand clothes are almost perfect. Now is the time though to nip your mothers unsolicited advice (judgement) in the bud.

Of course it’s fine! Baby isn’t going to care 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s fine and sensible. The baby doesn’t care and will grow so quickly that you’ll be pleased you saved some money.

Your mum would hate me. Practically everything we're getting for our first baby is second hand/passed on from friends/family. The only things we're getting new are mattresses and a car seat (for safety reasons) and a pram (only because we're very generously being bought one by family, otherwise we'd probably get that second hand too).

Even if we had the money to buy everything new it makes no sense. The baby won't know or care and will probably only get to wear clothes a few times. Any future babies we have will also be getting the same hand-me-downs, the horror!

I most of my dds clothes are second hand and tbh every mumi know. Its what mums do.. sensible too

Yabu to say brought when you mean bought, but yadnbu in any way to use lovely second hand things! Your mother is crazy. All soft and washed and perfectly fine to be used again. Such a sensible idea and much better for the environment as well as saving lots of money.

My toddler is almost 3, everything is secondhand with the exception of the shoes, coats and odd outfits.

Everything but car seat and mattress were used here. I could have bought new, but it's more environmentally conscious to use used where possible. Most of my furniture is vintage too - which is fashionable right now anyway. It's just the way I work. Look for used before buying ethical new items.

Oh dear your poor mum, how would anyone know and why on earth would anyone care, ironically I was able to afford much nicer brands having been pre vloved. I think as long as they are clean and in good condition you are being extremely wise and prudent and an excellent parent by getting what he needs but at a fraction of the cost.

I got loads of secnd hand stuff for my two - and new stuff from supermarkets...a mix..charity shops, loads of fab toys second hand, prams....everything..no one knows or cares..its what most parents do.

95 per cent of my son's clothes are secondhand. It means I can afford loads more of them. He's a very well-dressed baby!

Extremely sensible. Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way.

Thank you for your replies, yes I do live with my mum

it isn't fair on son
How will he know?

people will think I'm a lazy mum
How will they know?

I wouldn't want to spend a lot of money on clothes to only be worn a couple of times
Absolutely. That money can be put to much better use. Plus, it is much better for the environment.

Wishing you all the best