To think this hen do "plan" is bonkers

[flamingflamingos]

My friend was meant to get married last July, we were going abroad for the hen, it was cancelled due to covid and we lost some money. I was secretly quite relieved as the costs seemed to spiral and none of the other girls seemed to mind. It's a mixed group of friends from Bride's different circles so I don't know anyone very well asides from the bride.

Wedding has been rearranged for end July 2021. The hen group chat reappeared last night, new plan is a holiday cottage in the new forest to sleep 14 of us, Fri - Mon last week of June... so just days after the optimistic 21st June.

From my understanding, 21st June is the earliest opportunity the rule of six/2 households falls away? And my concern is we all pay £400 each for a holiday cottage and then the 21st June reopening date is pushed back, and we (quite rightly) won't be able to get the money back for the cottage.

I don't know whether to explain to the organiser (who I don't really know) that this is a fairly risky plan (because they all seem oblivious to coronavirus restrictions), or just make my excuses and leave them to it?

The main reason for thinking I might broach the subject rather than make my excuses is so that people don't end up losing more money, or the risk that the bride doesn't get a hen do...

Thoughts?

Just make your excuses if you don’t want to go-everyone else is a grown up and can make their own decisions/risk assessment for themselves.

Actually, rule of 6 indoors will be (hopefully) brought in on 19/5.

Ignore me - just seen there is a lot more of you than 6! I agree - make your excuses and don't go if you don't want to.

Has she sent you a link to the cottage? You could check the cancellation policy. If not, I think it’s reasonable to ask the organiser to make sure it’s one that can be cancelled or moved without charge, for the benefit of everyone as you’ve all already lost one lot of money. Just word it politely and out of concern for the group.

Alongside the money and pandemic issues, you're also not sure you want to go, so just say you're not sure you'll be ready for sharing overnight space indoors yet asunde wish them well.

The cottage might not even take the booking.

Ask the organiser what the cottage plan to do with your money/booking If covid restrictions don't allow you to go.

You are wrong to say it's right for you not to get your money back.

£400 is a lot to lose. I'd point out the issues. If you make an excuse and they decide on something different, you'll miss out. They might be prepared to break the rules, so aren't worried about restrictions. It's a matter of just lying to the owners of the cottage.

I’d certainly suggest they only look at cancellable options. We have an Airbnb booked in august that is cancellable until something like two days beforehand.

I’d be busy that weekend.

Can you not book somewhere with a good cancellation policy? We have booked various properties for holidays this year, both in the UK and abroad. All of them have good cancellation policies, meaning if we can’t go (through no fault of our own) then we don’t pay.

Do a combination of both - withdraw, but say why. So rather than ‘I don’t think we should do this because of the risks’, say, ‘I’m going to sit this one out; I’d be worried about losing the money as the dates on restrictions could so easily change. I’ll look forward to seeing you all at the wedding instead’.

That way, you haven’t tried to push people into changing the plan, but it might make them think. There may be others in the group with your doubts; this could encourage them to speak up.

Yeah that's stupid. In Scotland holiday lettings will only be allowed to take bookings from single households initially. Don't know about England but I seriously doubt mixing of numerous households will be allowed by then.

The cottage is let through the sister company to the company my parents' use for their holiday let (think county variations of the same company)
Mum received an email after BoJo's roadmap from the lettings company confirming that their cancellation policy would ensure that bookings made for larger properties would still be valid should the rule of six be extended, and that travellers would be informed that they must revise party sizes. I have assumed that this will be uniform across all parts of the company but I could quite easily call them up and confirm.

@WashableVelvet

I’d certainly suggest they only look at cancellable options. We have an Airbnb booked in august that is cancellable until something like two days beforehand.

This. Most cottage agencies seem to now have some kind of policy that means you can get your money back however you need to check that it will be valid if the household mixing is still not allowed not just a blanket ban like there is right now.

If there wasn’t some kind of insurance policy I would bow out. Is really difficulty for the bride though of course she wants a hen do-this whole year must have been really trying for anyone wanting to get married

Wow that's a lot of money for a hen do! I'm looking at that kind of money for my family of 3 to go away for 2 nights meals included and it's in a fancy place too.

I think I'd say I'm not willing to gamble that all will be well by then so you're sitting out, I bet you could join later if necessary

bookings made for larger properties would still be valid should the rule of six be extended, and that travellers would be informed that they must revise party sizes

That is a terrible cancellation policy!!

I agree with 3wildones - check the policy on covid related refunds, also look at taking out insurance.
Sounds a lot cheaper than going abroad, but on top of the cottage rental, costs could well stack up with meals out, activities, etc.,
If you're a group of people that don;t know each other other than connected via the bride, will you even get your own room?
If you don't want to go - or have other priorities for a few hundred quid, say so! my idea of hell is a "party" holiday with a bunch of strangers

When on earth did a hen do go from a night out with your friends to a week's holiday? I found it so pressured when friends were getting married as it was trip after trip. You feel terrible if you don't go but the expectation of a holiday is a bit ridiculous. We had one wet of friends where my husband went on a stag week, I went on a hen weekend, then we stayed over night at the wedding, bought presents and an outfit. It cost us nearly £1000 because our friends decided to get married. This isn't ok.

another option - rent more than one cottage in the same place

Do you want to go?

I've booked several places for after June 21st, all of them I can cancel up to 2 days beforehand. You need a better cancellation policy than that!

This is an easy out. Due to the new dates and all sorts of uncertainties you don't feel as if you can commit to it. That's all you need to say.

Check and double check the cancellation policy.

Check the arrangements - it might be two or three cottages. If you're nervous about high numbers of people mixing this could actually be a worse scenario because then ppl will naturally all congregate in one cottage which doesn't have enough social space for 14 ppl.

Then decide if you want to go and act accordingly. Just make sure you act quickly - it really isn't fair to withdraw from something like that after a period of time because then others end up picking up the tab.

If you don't want to go, don't go. I have a rescheduled event for 18 ppl in September and I'm pretty sure at least two of my friends will be uncomfortable in that size of group/with the travel required to get there. I've factored that in to the finances and will not be upset in the slightest if they cancel.

£400 for a hen weekend is crazy anyway! Offer to go and join in some day activities maybe?

Would you be comfortable sharing overnight accommodation with that many people you don't know?

If not I would do as @dudsville suggests. I bet you won't be the only one.