To think this hen do "plan" is bonkers

[flamingflamingos]

My friend was meant to get married last July, we were going abroad for the hen, it was cancelled due to covid and we lost some money. I was secretly quite relieved as the costs seemed to spiral and none of the other girls seemed to mind. It's a mixed group of friends from Bride's different circles so I don't know anyone very well asides from the bride.

Wedding has been rearranged for end July 2021. The hen group chat reappeared last night, new plan is a holiday cottage in the new forest to sleep 14 of us, Fri - Mon last week of June... so just days after the optimistic 21st June.

From my understanding, 21st June is the earliest opportunity the rule of six/2 households falls away? And my concern is we all pay £400 each for a holiday cottage and then the 21st June reopening date is pushed back, and we (quite rightly) won't be able to get the money back for the cottage.

I don't know whether to explain to the organiser (who I don't really know) that this is a fairly risky plan (because they all seem oblivious to coronavirus restrictions), or just make my excuses and leave them to it?

The main reason for thinking I might broach the subject rather than make my excuses is so that people don't end up losing more money, or the risk that the bride doesn't get a hen do...

Thoughts?

Surely the holiday cottage will have Covid cover though?

Why not just be honest and draw the line at what you are comfortable with. Blimey these week long hen dos are ridiculous

Another PP suggested a great response to the bride/ hen do organiser
I’m going to sit this one out; I’d be worried about losing the money as the dates on restrictions could so easily change. I’ll look forward to seeing you all at the wedding instead’.

There are some proper hen do snobs on here. I have been on a hen do to Marbella that cost me £1k - my best friend’s and it was fabulous! I don’t begrudge the money at all. I also had my own hen do last summer, 15 of us in a big rented house for 2 nights and everyone had such a fantastic time!! If you can’t afford it or don’t want to go, then put your big girl pants on and say so. Some of my friends were unsure about coming to mine and didn’t because of covid and that was absolutely fine with me! Their choice I respect it. But I think this bashing of hen parties that I see on here is uncalled for. I would happily pay money for a friend’s hen party, they’re such a fun occasion so what it if breaks the bank abit!!

@fizzandchips
Oh my goodness yes! Meals out with a group of more than 6 are a nightmare. I always seem to be on the end of the table, with those either side not being the ones I would prefer to talk to, or opposite one of the very loud people who have to dominate the conversation. All. Bloody. Evening. ☹️

@BeeDavis the issue is that there are many threads where when the OP says she can't afford it or can't get the time off she is accused of not being a good friend or not being a good bridesmaid. One recent thread the woman was demoted from being a bridesmaid, blocked by the bride, and received nasty messages from some of the women who had decided to go. It's notas simple as just saying you can't manage, even though it should be.

The fact that some people may want to go is irrelevant. A culture of expectation of a week abroad or a weekend in an expensive location alienates those who have other financial, family, or holiday commitments.

For me I could happily afford it, but as a hospital doctor I am not allowed to take weekends off as annual leave, and the leave I can take must be split equally throughout the year. If I ever manage to get enough days off in a row for a week or 2 off it gets used for a family holiday which my husband just has to fit around his schedule.

It's the expectation that if you don't use up half your AL, or pay money that many people don't have to spare, you are a bad friend or don't care about the bride.

A single night out is accessible for nearly everyone, and doesn't exclude or penalise people on the basis of vocation or income.

Why can't the main party be a single night, and then if the bride also wants a holiday then she can arrange it separately with people who actually want to go, rather than people she has decided should want to go.

Sorry I didn't mean to drip feed!

It's £400 "all in" which includes one night catered and a "big shop" (not sure whether that includes booze) plus that figure is 13 of us all "chipping in" to cover the brides cost?

I don't know what is "normal" - on my hen we were a group of girls and we decided what we wanted to do and what budget we could all afford, it was easier though as we were one group of friends anyway.

It's not that I can't afford to go, I can and in normal times it would be quite fun. But I can't afford to pay that money and then not go, and lose most of £400 (I don't know what percentage of that is cottage - it hasn't been broken down).

But actually having read this thread, I don't think I would enjoy it. I hadn't appreciated how much I might not enjoy sharing a room with a stranger and having a weekend with a lot of girls I don't know.

Thanks for everyone who offered thoughts, it's interesting to see other people's opinions on hen dos.

The wedding is 160 people, will be interesting to see whether it does actually go ahead in July!

In your situation if it was going with a group of friends I knew and hadn’t seen properly for ages for obvious reasons I’d go as long as it was “covid proof” in terms of my money
However if it was mostly with people I didn’t know that well and couldn’t be sure they were being sensible generally with regard to covid etc I would be saying no. It’s an awful lot of money and it’s been a difficult year for us all. Assuming we’re allowed to go out and have some fun this summer (?) we’re all going to have to make choices regarding what our priorities are