To request ex takes holidays with child on his week?

[TootsyPops]

Myself and my ex have a court order in place where he has our daughter for 5 overnights per fortnight and he gets 1 week holiday twice per year while she’s pre school age. This is a brand new order and I’ve been thinking about holidays. His contact is bunched into one week from Friday to Friday. The following week (Friday to Friday) she is solely with myself and my other children.

Because it has been set up like this I’m thinking of asking him to agree that neither of us takes holidays (unless absolutely necessary) on each other’s “weeks”. So I won’t take his contact time and he won’t take mine effectively. Or should the two weeks holiday per year be 14 extra days for him? I would be considerate of his contact and wouldn’t book a two week holiday, nor would I book a one week holiday on his weeks even though I technically could.

AIBU to ask him to show the same consideration where it’s possible?!

I have read it twice but don’t understand what you mean?

So I won’t take his contact time.

How could you take his contact time if it is all agreed?

Sorry I don’t think it’s super clear, he has 5 overnights per fortnight but they are bunched up into one week. He has Friday to Monday and Wednesday to Friday one week and nothing the next.

You have the contact laid out in a court order.

Stick to it! Don't start messing about with it.

I mean that I wouldn’t take a holiday on his week of contact.

You already said and he gets 1 week holiday twice per year while she’s pre school age

Leave it alone.

@TootsyPops

I mean that I wouldn’t take a holiday on his week of contact.

You can't do that anyway as there is a court order.

But when he takes his holidays with her isn’t laid out. It should have been but it was very rushed towards the end of the hearing and wasn’t organised properly. I’m worried he will deliberately take his holiday time on “my” weeks instead of on his own. Because it isn’t specified in the order

So basically you do alternative weeks with DC and you are saying if either of you wants to take them on holiday you’d like it to happen on your own week? Seems reasonable, but I’d be flexible for things like weddings where the date isn’t the parents choice.

But what if he wanted to take a 2 week holiday with them, or you did?

Is there a reason for it being so regimented? And does it matter if he gets some extra days to do holidays?

From what you have written he is entitled to 2 weeks holiday AS WELL as 5 days every fortnight, so this will come out of the days you usually have your dc

@TootsyPops

But when he takes his holidays with her isn’t laid out. It should have been but it was very rushed towards the end of the hearing and wasn’t organised properly. I’m worried he will deliberately take his holiday time on “my” weeks instead of on his own. Because it isn’t specified in the order

Well he can't do that because contact is laid out in the court order.

Either you intend to stick to the court order or you don't.

If he is reasonable, this isn't an issue. If he is unreasonable, stick to the court order.

Surely it's fairly obvious that you can't take each other's contact time? It sounds like te kids are young. They don't need a two week holiday away anyway for a good while. If relations with your ex are not awful, you can usually work this stuff out reasonably well with a bit of give and take.

@YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake

From what you have written he is entitled to 2 weeks holiday AS WELL as 5 days every fortnight, so this will come out of the days you usually have your dc

Yes absolutely. It is laid out - this is all he can take.

I'm looking to find your daughter in this and her rights for holiday time with her dad.

Your post is uncomfortable to read because you seem more concerned about counting his days and making sure he has the absolute minimum number possible.

There might be things I'm missing but, as an outsider looking in, I can't see that an extra 14 days a year is a big deal. It's not extra time for him but for her.

It sounds like flexibility and good relations would be better in the long term. If he saw a really good holiday deal would you deny your child the opportunity to go on holiday if it meant swapping around a few contact days?

Your OP is unclear.

‘5 overnights per fortnight’ AND ‘1 week holiday twice per year‘. So the latter is additional and part of his contact time.

It doesn't sound clear to me - and if he decided to take his holiday week during OPs time then the child would only see her mother for 4 days out of three weeks over that period. Perhaps this is what the court intended but I think I would write to the court and ask for clarity in this point. If it was their intention they should have made it clear, and if it was not they should have made it clear.

Most parents who need a court order for contact can be assumed not to have a good and reasonable relationship, so it's not unreasonable to expect this point to be specified.

It's also not unreasonable to think that a young child, used to spending nearly equal time with mum and dad, might find it distressing to have a relatively long period in which she hardly sees mum

I'm a single parent too (but ex husband has them 2 nights out of 14 - his choice!), and seriously, live and let live. The world won't end if you end up having to take a rare holiday on each other's days.

Unfortunately I can’t trust him to be reasonable it’s just not his way. I’m certainly not concerned about being flexible, I know it looks like I’m just concerned about number of days. Obviously there’s more history to this. But maybe it’s an irrelevant concern if the order means he gets 14 days EXTRA. In which case if he chooses to have his weeks on “my” days it’s not the unreasonable is it. It’s just a brand new arrangement and I’m struggling to get my head around it. I appreciate the feedback

Stick to the court order, seek clarity from them if needed. 'Absolutely necessary' will be interpreted as 'absolutely necessary to upset OP' by your exH. Comments such as 'its the only time I can get off work' when that is not the case, or is because of not asking ahead.

@TootsyPops

Unfortunately I can’t trust him to be reasonable it’s just not his way. I’m certainly not concerned about being flexible, I know it looks like I’m just concerned about number of days. Obviously there’s more history to this. But maybe it’s an irrelevant concern if the order means he gets 14 days EXTRA. In which case if he chooses to have his weeks on “my” days it’s not the unreasonable is it. It’s just a brand new arrangement and I’m struggling to get my head around it. I appreciate the feedback

Get clarity about the details and stick to it strictly then. good luck

As a PP suggests, if the unclear wording is from the court order and not your own, could you seek factual clarification?

If holidays were included it would just be 5 days per fortnight. He gets that and 2 weeks holidays. You can’t take a weeks basic holiday let say Saturday to Saturday in 5 days contact.

Maybe you could agree the child has no longer than a week away at a time while they are small. So not contact plus a weeks holiday. But also works in your favour if you want take 2 week break in the future. Having cut your holiday short to make his friday-Monday contacts would equally be annoying for you.

Yes, I think it's helpful to see it as nice that he will want to spend time with the kids (unlike so many dads who do as little as possible and drop contact). It gives you a break and hopefully they will have a much better relationship. Time will tell. If it gets difficult, you'll have to go back and ask for clarity or a change.