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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do your teenagers have a messy room?

97 replies

Flowers24 · 23/03/2021 21:25

Mine are terrible, clothes all over the floor, lucky if the curtains and blinds get open, mugs and glasses. There seems to be 2 camps, one where the parent nags the teenager to clean their room, one where they believe it is their space, let them get on with it.

I am veering more towards the latter as its just a losing battle, do they not see mess as we do, or not care?! I guess if they cant find a certain item of clothing its their fault?

Itching to get in there with my polish and shake n vac but....................

OP posts:
catsandchaos · 23/03/2021 21:28

No food allowed upstairs. No mess

mrwalkensir · 23/03/2021 21:29

As long as clothes/bedding get washed and no dirty kitchenware, don't worry to much about general mess. It's their space.

Titsywoo · 23/03/2021 21:29

Yes - both of mine have messy rooms. I make them bring plates and glasses down every day and nag them to put away their washing but that's about it. I do go in and clean once a month - I probably should make them do it but I have much higher standards and like to keep a vague standard in the whole house. I don't go through their stuff but it gets a dusting, proper hoover and wipe down then (including windows and woodwork).

Unanananana · 23/03/2021 21:30

No food allowed upstairs here at all. DD is 12 so not quite a teen but is a very tidy and organised young lady.

DS (10 yr) on the other hand.....

B33Fr33 · 23/03/2021 21:30

No food upstairs. One has stuff all overcome does not.

hamstersarse · 23/03/2021 21:31

Bomb sites

nancy75 · 23/03/2021 21:31

Polish? Shake n vac? I’d have to find the surfaces & the floor before I could use those!
Dd has taken to dressing herself up, taking pics for insta & then chucking all her clean clothes in the floor. Tidying up means taking them from the floor & dumping them NEAR the washing basket.
I’ve laid off the moaning a bit recently because she’s struggled with home school etc but if she doesn’t sort it out soon she may find all her belongings in bin bags!

OverByYer · 23/03/2021 21:31

I’m more the latter. As PP said bedding is washed and plates brought down I tend to ignore the rest. I think it’s worked as eldest (20) now keeps his room immaculate

Original poster
Flowers24 · 23/03/2021 21:32

Can I add i told ds to change his bed at the weekend, and earlier noticed the old bedding taken off and new bedding still next to the bed, so hes sleeping on the mattress and quilt with no cover............i am desperate to get in there and change the bed, make it look all nice but have to resist the urge!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowers24 · 23/03/2021 21:33

@nancy75

Polish? Shake n vac? I’d have to find the surfaces & the floor before I could use those! Dd has taken to dressing herself up, taking pics for insta & then chucking all her clean clothes in the floor. Tidying up means taking them from the floor & dumping them NEAR the washing basket. I’ve laid off the moaning a bit recently because she’s struggled with home school etc but if she doesn’t sort it out soon she may find all her belongings in bin bags!
ha ha yes i cant remember what the carpet looks like in either room................
OP posts:
BackforGood · 23/03/2021 21:34

Mine have come out the other side now, but yes, they have all been through that stage.
Very, very normal and falls under the 'pick your battles' banner.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 23/03/2021 21:37

Ds1 has to bring down all dirty glasses and plates each day.
Dirty laundry does get out int he laundry basket and he seems to take pride in his room being tidy.

Ds2 has had the same upbringing and rules but does not have the same sense of pride in his room, so it’s not dirty, but very untidy.

nancy75 · 23/03/2021 21:38

I think Dd will improve once her mates are allowed in the house again. When it doesn’t look like a rubbish dump it’s a nice room & she doesn’t like her friends to see it messy

Midlifephoenix · 23/03/2021 21:38

My kids don't have food upstairs either, but their rooms veer from bomb sites to tidy - clothes, school stuff, more clothes, damp towels, unmentionables (17 year old). Then one of them has a friend over or, more recently, the house has been on the market.
My son is pretty good about changing his sheets. My daughter not so much. Anyway, I'm not cleaning it for them.

MelvinEugenePunymeyer · 23/03/2021 21:38

My teenager's bedroom is tidier than mine Grin

mrwalkensir · 23/03/2021 21:38

Just going to add, it's their private space in a shared house as they grow older/gain independence. DD is early 20s, very capable (and very dear) and in full time work, renting a room. Her room here therefore is still "hers". Not that tidy when she's here, but it's her slump space. If she had her own place, it might be different I guess (or if we were less fortunate with space).

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 23/03/2021 21:39

No food allowed upstairs, and only drink allowed is water bottle with a lid, so that helps... BUT 16yo DD has the messiest bedroom I've ever seen. Once a week, I will insist she strips her bed, and puts all her washing out, opens the window for an hour etc. Other than that, I leave it. I NEVER go in!

nancy75 · 23/03/2021 21:39

How did I forget the wet towels?? It’s like a black hole - once a towel goes in there it’s never seem again

MarshaBradyo · 23/03/2021 21:39

No

SarahBellam · 23/03/2021 21:42

DD15 has an immaculate room. I go and read in there sometimes when she’s not there as it’s way nicer than mine. DS12 has a bomb site, except that’s an insult to bomb sites. On Sunday while he was out I donned my gas mask then went in and changed the bedlinen myself after a month of nagging. Little shit didn’t even notice.

Mapletreelane · 23/03/2021 21:43

Yep. Messy, plates everywhere, clothes, stuff, more stuff. I don't nag them though. My two are pretty good kids in all other respects,. so don't see the point in arguing about it. It is their space, more than ever; their safe space from the world. They have enough going on without extra arguing. I'm a pretty tidy and clean person but given what else is happening in life I just don't see the point in creating additional stress for everyone, including me! I'm sure at some point in their lives the preference for cleanliness will click in, as it did for me (when i left home at 18! )

notanothertakeaway · 23/03/2021 21:44

Our kids have tidy bedrooms. I leave them to it

Mintjulia · 23/03/2021 21:44

No food or drink upstairs but definitely clothes all over the floor.

I try to ignore it but about once a week I can't stand it any more, and make ds pick up all the clothes so I can hoover. Then he tells me he hates me Smile.

iammeiamme · 23/03/2021 21:45

Mine teen ds has a filthy room, I do nag him to open curtains, bring down washing and crockery though, I also make him hoover at least once a month but other than that I try not to go on too much. I have tried and tried to make him have higher standards but it seems to be a losing battle so now I pick my battles, wait and hope he comes out the other side!....

Whatisthisfuckery · 23/03/2021 21:51

I’ve noticed DS, 13, does tend to open his curtains a bit more now, probably because of my nagging him. He does his own washing because I got fed up of picking it up off the floor. His room is a bit of a shithole sometimes, don’t get me wrong, but actually, compared to mine at his age, it’s actually not bad at al. I don’t allow food upstairs and cups etc come down each day when the dishwasher goes on. I think in the great schemes of teenager bedrooms it’s not actually too bad at all.