Do your teenagers have a messy room?

[Flowers24]

Mine are terrible, clothes all over the floor, lucky if the curtains and blinds get open, mugs and glasses. There seems to be 2 camps, one where the parent nags the teenager to clean their room, one where they believe it is their space, let them get on with it.

I am veering more towards the latter as its just a losing battle, do they not see mess as we do, or not care?! I guess if they cant find a certain item of clothing its their fault?

Itching to get in there with my polish and shake n vac but....................

So untidy. I actually tidy it once a week. Can’t stand it as it is opposite mine. One more year to go and she can have as untidy a room as she wants- yippee!

You sound like a bundle of laughs sassbott

My ds is now 16 and has very nice tidy room
But when he was 13/14 not so great! It was disgusting but I left him to it
Eventually he would ask me to help him, I did mostly telling him where to start, bringing up bin bags and sorting out drawers etc
And then he just kept on top of it. Phew 😅

No. They no I lose my head if the rooms are messy!

Ds(19) room is tidy. No food allowed in there either. Sometimes gets a bit dusty but thats it. He hangs up clothes after taking them off. My house my rules respect where you live, he has stuck to it.

Yes but the room is their space and they should do as they like with it? This is a school of thought, i think most of us were messy teens but most arent anymore once they reach adulthood.

DS nearly 13 is quite clean thankfully.

He brings any plates, cups, rubbish or washing down each morning.
Makes bed each morning (reasonably well)
Hoovers and Dusts his room once a week

Clothes are left on bottom step (he has loft room) ironed and folded. He then takes it up and puts away.

I pray this continues. Generally I leave him to it.

Yes ... tbh I have tried Sassbott's approach but for whatever reason it didn't work (and we are very strict parents about most things). The only thing we didn't allow was food, plates etc in his room. I have said to him on many occasions 'we have the same discussion argument about the state of your room at least three times a week' .

I gave up caring and arguing ... DS is now at Uni and I was shocked at the state of his room ... but he later sent photos to show he had cleaned and tidied it.

I clean his room three times a year after he returns to Uni - and only in case guests need it - which obviously hasn't been an issue this year.

My concern is that he might become one of those useless men-children you read about on Mumsnet who won't do housework etc and expect their DP/DW to do it all .... I do find it disappointing as my DH owned his own home before we got together and I made sure I'd checked out his housekeeping /laundry skills (not joking) before I agreed to marry him and he always does his fair share of chores - even though he works far longer hours than I do but he's never been one to 'expect' me to be the only one responsible for housework/childcare etc so I just hope some of that has rubbed off on our DS.

DS 13 likes to keep his room pretty tidy, he has a lot of treasures he likes to display so keeps them organised. But it was like a switch flipped for him about 18 months ago, and his room went from looking like a lego bomb had gone off to neat and tidy overnight.

He will hoover and wipe surfaces (although caught him doing so with a hand towel that he'd run under the tap the other day ).

We sadly have not been able to enforce a no food upstairs rule (although I eat at my desk which is upstairs and in my bedroom sometimes) but plates and cups have to be bought downstairs regularly.

Still can't quite get him to hang up a towel though.

Saturday morning I insist on:

• any dirty cups/plates etc to the kitchen
• rubbish in the bin
• dirty clothes in laundry basket
• clean clothes put away

No wifi access until it's done - strangely this means it gets done very quickly

One has been incredibly messy, the other neat and tidy! Yes I nag for tidying despite her being in her 20's now!

Don't tell me it goes on past teenage, noooooo

@pinkhousesarebest, if your modus operandi is to have ‘fun’ with your children 24/7, knock yourself out. It’s not mine. Parenting is not just about fun, and if that’s what you think parenting is for then I think you’re an epic fail of a parent.

Parenting is also about teaching respect, boundaries, responsibility and ensuring a child understands that as they get older, they too have a part to play in helping within their home.

I refuse to mollycoddle grown children. If they are grown up enough to want a phone/ nice bike etc etc, they are also grown up enough to respectfully pull their weight in a way that helps me, their divorced mum. And funnily enough there are no words had about it, it takes them a few minutes a day to keep their room clean.

Next you’ll be telling me that by my refusing to iron my teenagers school shirts, that also precludes me from being ‘fun’. I lose zero sleep over that. Why? Because my children are learning basic life skills.

I think young adults who arrive at university / independent living without a clue how to do basic things, have been failed massively by their parents.

They have to open their blinds every day and we have a clear floor policy. If there's stuff in on the floor at bedtime it needs putting away before they go to sleep. I do have to nag sometimes but I am hoping it will stick and they'll just do it automatically.

As long as it's not affecting the rest of the house - ie the door can be closed and there's nothing smelly going on - I don't get involved. However, I've never allowed friends in if a room is messy.

During lockdown I banned any plates, bowls and cutlery going up to bedrooms. I also bought a set of coloured glasses and gave everyone their own glass after getting thoroughly sick of it (couldn't ban them completely as they were doing school or uni work in their rooms).

I don't allow emergency tumble dryer use if you have to wash and dry something that day because you found it on your floor. I also don't, after a certain point, insist on uniform being in the wash basket. DS1 was a bloody nightmare for last minute "I need my X kit and you haven't washed it". It took 2 detentions before he was more organised.

I find it much more effective to let them face the consequences of their choice. Yes, you can have a messy room if you want, but you're not having your friends in and you won't be able to wear the top/jeans/hoodie that has been festering on your floordrobe.

I agree better to let them have the consequences of a messy room if they cant find anything etc, they learn that way better

For what it's worth, going down that road (which is what MIL did with DH and BIL) seems to have lead my teens to being considerably more tidy than me.

My GP's always tidied my room. It was literally the only way that I was spoiled, but it has been a very, very hard habit to break. I'm very untidy.

DS 16 has a tidy room.

DD 12 does not

I am hoping she grows out of it...

DD 15 room is always tidy. All clothes put away etc. I change the bed for her and air the room otherwise she wouldn't.

My 15yo keeps her room tidy, she's a bit like me in that too much clutter/mess stresses her out! I absolutely would hate it if she left it a mess (above normal lived in mess, my house isn't pristine by any stretch 😬)

No, they have immaculate rooms. Mainly because I do a sweep in there daily but they have proper storage meaning it's easy to pop things where they belong.

It's a room in my home and there is no way I'd allow rotting food/ plates/ wet towels in there. I couldn't relax knowing there was festering food upstairs and overflowing bins. It must stink?

My kids know that if something isn't in its place then there's a chance they'll lose it in a bin bag so this helps keep things tidy. I put the robot hoover to work twice a week and they do sheet charging with me each week.