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To want to do the favour on my terms?

96 replies

fairynick · 23/03/2021 13:54

DSis asked me to do her a tech-related favour. I don’t want to say what because it’s weirdly specific and outing, but let’s say she doesn’t know how to work Amazon and wants me to order an item for her. The task will take 5 mins.
I’ve texted her back saying “of course that’s not a problem, I finish my lunch at 2pm so if you send it over by then then I’ll take a look”. She replied saying that she’s busy now so it will have to be tonight.
I have a couple of errands to run tonight so probably won’t sit down until about 8pm, which still would obviously give me time to do the favour but in all honesty I just can’t be arsed and hate knowing that there’s other things to do at the end of the day before I can relax.
I texted DSis back saying I’m quite busy tonight so don’t want to add another task to the list and I’m having to go into the office tomorrow out the house 7-7 so I’m fine taking a look and helping her but it’ll have to be either before 2pm today or Thursday.
I then received a barrage of texts along the lines of “it’s only two fucking minutes so just do it tonight you’re a nasty bitch can’t believe how fucking nasty you’re being ill never ask you for anything ever again”.

YABU - it’s a two minute job, just do it
YANBU - you’re the one doing the favour, it’s fine to set your own terms

OP posts:

WinoLino · 23/03/2021 13:56

Of course it's fine to set your own terms and seems perfectly reasonable but jeez does she actually speak to you like that?? I'm finding it hard to get past that tbh


Trisolaris · 23/03/2021 13:56

I wouldn’t be doing the favour at all until she apologised 🤷🏻‍♀️


Wishitsnows · 23/03/2021 13:56



Aquamarine1029 · 23/03/2021 13:57

If I were sent a text like that, hell would freeze over twice before I would help her with anything.


idontlikealdi · 23/03/2021 13:58

I'd tell her she's a nasty fucking bitch and find some other mug to do it.


fairynick · 23/03/2021 13:58

I completely agree that the way she’s spoken to me is unacceptable. I’m wondering if there’s something else that she angry/upset/annoyed about and she’s taken it out on me, because she does have form for that kind of behaviour.
I was just wondering if I was being awkward and difficult or it was fine to lay out the times.

OP posts:

AdelaideK · 23/03/2021 13:59

I'd never do her a favour again after text messages like that.


LaurieFairyCake · 23/03/2021 14:00

I would ignore all messages and not do it

It's always fine to put boundaries around your time


AnneLovesGilbert · 23/03/2021 14:00

No favours ever again. How fucking dare she talk to you like that?

Have you replied?

Cheeky cow.


AnneLovesGilbert · 23/03/2021 14:01

X post. It doesn’t matter what’s upset her. She’s now upset you for no reason at all. She needs to learn that sort of language and outburst means no help at all, nevermind on her own demanding schedule.


ElevenSmiles · 23/03/2021 14:01

5mins I would have done it....I like my sister.


fairynick · 23/03/2021 14:02

I did say to her “I just don’t get why you’re making it a big deal I’m happy to do it if it takes two mins I could’ve done it by now hahaha” because in the time that this text conversation happened I could’ve completed the favour. It makes me think that actually I wasn’t being difficult, she was. I understand that she may be busy now but she wasn’t too busy to text me in the first place, and also I am the one doing the favour not her so why is it okay for her to be busy and not allow a certain time, but not me? All very bizarre.

OP posts:

KitchenFairy · 23/03/2021 14:02

In the time it’s taken her to send those messages she could have sent over whatever it is she needs to send to you.

There would be no favours from me - ever.


mbosnz · 23/03/2021 14:03

Well she'd be shit out of luck with me now, I don't do favours for anyone that speaks to me like that. She'd be told to pull her sodding head in, and that she can find somebody else to help her.


Triffid1 · 23/03/2021 14:03

I'm usually one of those people who come on here to tell people who are complaining about the way someone did a favour that they're right - my view is do the favour right or don't do it at all.

BUT... in this case, it's ridiculous. 1. you clearly stated under what conditions you were willing/able to do the favour right up front 2. she made it clear that she wasn't willing to be inconvenienced but has no issue with you being so.

And then she bombarded you with rude and abusive messages.

I can only assume you don't have a great relationship at the best of times?


Shinyletsbebadguys · 23/03/2021 14:04

Like others I would not be doing it for her now at all.

It really depends on the initial question. If its something like money transfer etc or ordering something that she needs ASAP then yes its a bit unfair that you delay it for your particular reason. If there is no urgency then she is being unreasonable.

Seriously though , she would be waiting a very long time after those sort of messages , pretty much until hell had frozen over.


Viviennemary · 23/03/2021 14:04

Why didnt you just do it. A longer job fair enough. She'll know not to inconvenience you again.


Viviennemary · 23/03/2021 14:06

Read your post again. She should have just sent it over to you right away. Sorry.


Easterbunnygettingready · 23/03/2021 14:07

Her attitude was disgusting but you appeared to be leaving her hanging as if power tripping over a very minor ask..


Wallabing · 23/03/2021 14:07

If it only takes 5 minutes to do, why is she too busy to simply send it over and why is her time more valuable than yours?

That said, seems a daft thing to fall out over.


SummerHouse · 23/03/2021 14:07

She is your sister. Could you not have just done the thing. Seems to be a totally unnecessary power battle between the two of you in who has the more pressing level of busyness, culminating in her being a total arsehole. I would say she has some shit going on and you can either make it easier for her or make it harder. You do also deserve an apology and explanation.


customwatkins · 23/03/2021 14:07

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FOJN · 23/03/2021 14:09

I think it's fine to decide when you want to do something and I don't usually think you should be dictated to by others but in this case the task would take 5 minutes so I would have done this evening to get it out of the way rather than have it on my to do list later in the week. You said you couldn't be arsed doing it this evening so I wonder if you really wanted to do it at all.

However, I would not be doing it at all after receiving texts like that.


Wanderlust20 · 23/03/2021 14:09

I was about to say YABU if it'll take just a few minutes but I wouldn't do it all if that's the way your SIL responded! No need for that, she's very rude.


greeneyedlulu · 23/03/2021 14:12

Surely you should have just said yeah send it over then looked at it when you could do it but your sister is completely in the wrong for messaging you that. I'd never do anything for her again.

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