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To want to do the favour on my terms?

96 replies

fairynick · 23/03/2021 13:54

DSis asked me to do her a tech-related favour. I don’t want to say what because it’s weirdly specific and outing, but let’s say she doesn’t know how to work Amazon and wants me to order an item for her. The task will take 5 mins.
I’ve texted her back saying “of course that’s not a problem, I finish my lunch at 2pm so if you send it over by then then I’ll take a look”. She replied saying that she’s busy now so it will have to be tonight.
I have a couple of errands to run tonight so probably won’t sit down until about 8pm, which still would obviously give me time to do the favour but in all honesty I just can’t be arsed and hate knowing that there’s other things to do at the end of the day before I can relax.
I texted DSis back saying I’m quite busy tonight so don’t want to add another task to the list and I’m having to go into the office tomorrow out the house 7-7 so I’m fine taking a look and helping her but it’ll have to be either before 2pm today or Thursday.
I then received a barrage of texts along the lines of “it’s only two fucking minutes so just do it tonight you’re a nasty bitch can’t believe how fucking nasty you’re being ill never ask you for anything ever again”.

YABU - it’s a two minute job, just do it
YANBU - you’re the one doing the favour, it’s fine to set your own terms

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/03/2021 14:12

Definitely don’t do anything for her now, ever again!

But you weren’t unreasonable in the first place. She could easily have sent it to you to do at lunchtime.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 23/03/2021 14:13

She cant have it both ways as thats really hypocritical. She is too busy to send you over the info before 2pm...but she can swear at you and give you a mouthful of abuse because you're busy this evening.

katy1213 · 23/03/2021 14:14

You'd have done it in the time it took to message her. But after that display of rudeness - she can get lost!
And why can't she use Amazon for heaven's sake? Okay, my mum never got to grips with it - but she'd have been 100 this year. (She always asked nicely though!)

Lsquiggles · 23/03/2021 14:18

Don't do a favour for her after she's spoken to you like that, you'll look like a right doormat!

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 23/03/2021 14:18

I think you both are a bit TBH.

fairynick · 23/03/2021 14:19

Thanks for all the comments and opinions.
@katy1213 it isn’t actually Amazon Grin it’s something else, but I didn’t want to be too specific because it’s outing, but it’s similar in terms of time it would take etc x

OP posts:
Chooseausernamenow · 23/03/2021 14:20

It takes less than 30 seconds to order something from Amazon, especially if you have a link to click on so you are being unreasonable. She’s being equally unreasonable speaking to you like that.

occa · 23/03/2021 14:28


ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/03/2021 14:29


If someone asks you for a favour, they are asking you to put yourself out for them. If you say when you can do it, then it's up to them to negotiate - not behave like a fucking toddler, throw their toys out of the pram and have a total tantrum because you won't do it when it's convenient for THEM.

If she was that desperate, she should have got it to you when you asked for it - not decided that her time was more important than yours and gone off the deep end.

Like many others, that would now be IT as far as I was concerned - she can whistle for her favour, she wouldn't be getting any from me until she apologises. And I hope you don't do it for her either, OP.

KirstenBlest · 23/03/2021 14:30

“it’s only two fucking minutes so just do it tonight you’re a nasty bitch can’t believe how fucking nasty you’re being ill never ask you for anything ever again”.
I'd have blocked her after that

2bazookas · 23/03/2021 14:30

Any one who addressed me as "nasty bitch" would get no favours or co-operation whatsoever.

Notquitesureaboutthis · 23/03/2021 14:30

YABU because you obviously resent having to do a 2 minute task to help your sister.

But the way she has spoken to you is shocking! Is this usual for you both?

Sassanacs · 23/03/2021 14:32

Tbh if it is that quick then you could have just done it tonight. However after that barrage I'd tell her to shove it

Butchyrestingface · 23/03/2021 14:33

Reading the OP, I felt you were fairly (not terribly) unreasonable and a tad tiresome all the way down to her response to you.

And then that obviated any unreasonableness on your part. Does she have form for unleashing the potty mouth on you or is that totally out of leftfield?

murasaki · 23/03/2021 14:33

She's completely unreasonable. Since the pandemic and even before, I have been looking over funding applications my sister is making for her freelance work, and checking budgets etc. However she phoned me 5pm on Thursday with one, and as I a) trying to sort out a last minute panic for my boss, and b) had every intention of having dinner and chilling, i said yes if it could wait until lunchtime the next day. Apparently it couldn't due to the deadline but as she isn't an arse, she was ok with that and said she would try more notice next time, and thanked me for all the others. Your sis is rude.

islockdownoveryet · 23/03/2021 14:34

Doesn’t matter if it takes 5 minutes or 5 hours she’s out of order speaking to you like that so I’d tell her no .

AryaStarkWolf · 23/03/2021 14:35

So it's ok for her to be too busy to send it now but not OK for you to be too busy later?

jillandhersprite · 23/03/2021 14:35

I suspect there's plenty of back story here...
DH faced similar with his sister. Eventually he had enough and decided to stop pandering to her requests. They now just pretend that each other doesn't exist as much as possible.
I would be stepping back from her as much as possible - see if she realises the error of her ways - realistically that's unlikely. Life slowly gets easier when you only deal with nice polite people...

harknesswitch · 23/03/2021 14:38

Wow! Hell would freeze over before I did her a favour again unless she apologised.

You can't call someone a bitch, and then expect them to help you, regardless of what's going on in her personal life, that's simply unacceptable

Shamoo · 23/03/2021 14:38

Well I do think you were being a bit unreasonable not to do it tonight if it will really only take five minutes: that’s nothing and I would have just done it. But her response is beyond unreasonable.

I assume your initial response was because she’s generally hard work.

CoffeeRunner · 23/03/2021 14:40

I would have just done it when she wanted me too. But once she’d spoken to me like that, then all favours would be immediately off the table.

thatsgotit · 23/03/2021 14:43

Crikey, YANBU, especially given how she's spoken to you! Shock

I agree with your reasoning btw - even if you could have done the favour in the time it took to have the message exchange, that's not the point. For someone to ask a favour and then try to stipulate the terms is CFery imho and it would put my back up.

WonkyCactus · 23/03/2021 14:45

She shouldn't speak to you like that but YABU to make her wait until Thursday, if it really only takes 2 minutes just do it this evening.

fairynick · 23/03/2021 14:46

Should also point out that we have a really good relationship usually, we’re sisters very close in age so can argue sometimes but I’d never use language like that to her. She has done before.
I think I understand that I probably was a bit unreasonable not doing it tonight, but she was also a bit unreasonable for not sending it there and then. Plus the awful texts.
I think I’ll forgive her as long as she apologises, hopefully she’s having a bad day and I’m her punching bag, and either way I won’t be doing the favour for her now.

OP posts:
Blackdog19 · 23/03/2021 14:46

I’d have done it when she wanted. No way would I do it now after she’d spoken to you like that!

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